It's my 3rd year as a teacher, and I'm really enjoying it. I have, like any teacher, had great days and terrible days. I've had moments of tremendous educational triumph, and moments of educational disaster. The triumphant days are pretty much when I feel like I'm on top of my game, I know what I'm doing, and all feels right with the world; these feelings also come with the moment I appreciate that I have the job I do since there are too many out there who literally only have a job for the money. I'm one of the lucky and blessed people who have a job they enjoy, know how to do, enjoy where they work, whom they work for and with, and get paid for it. Not many can say that nowadays. The disastrous days make me question my profession; should I be a teacher, or should I just stick to writing songs and getting discovered?
Being a modern-day teacher at the elementary level, I have moments - the kids obviously don't know this by the way - where I take a split second during instructional time and reflect on my style of teaching, my classroom management, and all the skills I've developed so far. In those split-second moments, I think to myself, I wonder if I'd like me as a teacher? I know some kids probably hate coming to music class. I know some kids really enjoy it, too! In fact, this past Friday, 2/19, while I was in front with car duty (putting the kids in cars as their parents arrived), a 3rd grader and his mom came up to me.
"Today's my last day, Mr. Hickey," he said.
I looked at his mother and asked, "Why? Where's he going?"
The mother explained that because of their location, he'll have to move to a different school in the district. I told him I'd miss him very much, and how much I enjoyed having him in music class. The mom then told me something that made my day: "That's what upset him the most about the move, because he's gonna miss you the most."... *bittersweet sigh*
To my delight, I saw the same kid at school today. I saw him eating lunch while on my way to get my own. I approached him. "What are you doing here? I thought you were leaving."
He answered, "We figured out that I can take the bus home after all, so I can stay here now."
I hugged him, told him I was excited I got to "keep" him, and walked away with a proud smile. A noteworthy mention is that this kid is new to our school this year. I've been at my current school for 2 years now. Had he left to the other school anyway, I told him that the music teacher over there was a very good friend of mine, and that she was an excellent music teacher, and that he'd have a blast. But I get to keep him. :-)
On the other hand, I have those who walk into music class, usually older kids, who don't give a flying fuck about what I have to teach them. They're not interested in singing, playing instruments, or understanding how to read music on the music staff. One thing that did break my heart was a few days ago. A 4th grade girl made the comment that band was for geeks. It saddened me that kids as young as she is think that way. She made that comment due to her own dislike of playing instruments, especially recorder. She was complaining about her difficulty in playing the recorder. Those in 4th grade will continue their recorder education into 5th grade, and I tell them that if they want to be in band in middle school, they need to learn to play the recorder first, especially if they want to play any of the woodwind instruments.
Said 4th grader needed some...guidance.
I asked her, "What's a geek?"
"I don't know. A geek is someone who's weird!"
"Really? What's weird about playing an instrument? I play the piano, so am I a geek?"
She started giggling and covered her face with her hands.
"Do you like Justin Bieber?" I asked.
She lit up and affirmed, "YES! He's so cute, and I love his voice!"
"Do you sing along to his songs?"
"Yes, I do! I love singing his songs!" Her enthusiasm filled the room.
"Well," I remarked, "if you enjoy singing, that means you're using your voice as an instrument to make music. So by your definition of band people being geeks, you must be a geek too!"
The entire class responded in a collective "Ooooohhh!"
I felt, in that moment, that I had come close to crossing the line of respect a teacher can have for his students. My intention, obviously, wasn't to make fun of her. I'm not interested in doing that. If anything, as a teacher, I need to help kids feel good about themselves by helping them to be successful in the activities they're engaged in. I simply wanted to take, what I thought was a necessary opportunity, to teach her about judging others.
And again, after these moments, I think to myself, What kind of teacher am I? Would I like me as a teacher? Why do the kids like or dislike me? What am I doing wrong? More importantly, what am I doing right?
I have moments when I'm probably too nice, and I have moments when I'm probably too strict. I can definitely be a Nazi of a teacher. Some classes I can make laugh very easily, so they come to music expecting to enjoy themselves. Those same classes are also very respectful when they see me get upset about anything.
I remember during my first year as a teacher at a different school. I approached a 5th grade teacher whose classroom was next to mine. I said, "This year's been interesting, and I think the hardest part has just been finding my style of teaching."
She agreed.
"What's your style of teaching?" I asked.
Without missing a beat, she answered, "It changes every year."
Fascinating.
To conclude this post on a lighter note, I must say that you know you've been in education too long when you refer to moments in your life by the semester in which they took place.
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