Whenever you engage in a discussion over social issues with conservatives, they typically tell you that they want limited government, that big government is a bad idea, and that the government shouldn't be running our lives. "I don't want the government telling me what I can and can't do," they say. This usually has to do with laws like gun control (the 2nd amendment to the US Constitution grants every American the right to bear arms). So, that's where conservatives stand: "I don't want the government telling me what to do; that's [pick one] un-American / Socialism / Communism, and we're a democracy!" Really? You don't want the government telling us what we can and can't do? Then why do you support a law where the government tells people whom they can marry? Because, that's what DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, does.
President Bill Clinton signed DOMA into law back in 1996. It pretty much left gay marriage up to the states. They could decide for themselves if they would ban it or not. Since DOMA, most states have banned gay marriage. Few have permitted it. But DOMA also gave states this provision: You don't have to recognize another state's gay marriage license. In other words, if a couple guys got hitched in Massachusetts, and moved to Texas, then Texas (thanks to 2005's Proposition 2) wouldn't recognize them as a married couple, even though in the state of Massachusetts, they're legally married. According to the equal protections clause in the 14th amendment of the US Constitution, that's unconstitutional and illegal.
(Sidenote: Clinton's view on gay marriage has since evolved to where now he supports it. Obama's current position is also "evolving". He supports civil unions, but he's not sure about gay marriage itself, although his administration no longer defends DOMA the way it used to.)
When W took over, half way through his double term, he came very close to signing into law the Federal Marriage Amendment which would have made it completely illegal in the US for any gay couples to get married. Thankfully, the FMA never survived, but that didn't stop other states from getting their own constitutional amendment into their law books.
But I just don't get it. Republicans and social conservatives (who typically vote according to religious values and beliefs) don't want government interference in the lives of Americans, but they're okay with this? This law, DOMA, discriminates! Most of the time, when conservatives defend their anti-gay marriage views, they refer to something called "the sanctity of marriage", and then back it up with the Bible. After that, they might mention how many marriages they themselves have had. Would you like a side of irony with your ignorance?
"Sanctity"? Really? No one ever cares about how many marriages straight people go through. It's no big deal. Even evangelical Christians have experienced a few divorces depending on which ones you ask. But get 2 men or 2 women who have spent decades together in a loving, exclusive, monogamous commitment, and that's an attack on the institution?! Get real.
Gay marriage is viewed as a "special" right to some conservatives, and because the idea of gay marriage was so taboo a few years ago, that's when some people decided "Let's vote and see what the people want. Should gay people be allowed to marry?" Then all the debate really picked up, and out of the 50 states, a large number of them have constitutionally banned the right, excluding gay couples from being legally recognized and protected by their state's government. This brings me to my next and BIGGEST point:
As Rachel Maddow said, "They're called 'rights' because they're not supposed to be voted on." If you have a right to do something, you. have. a. right.
What if we took away everyone's right to freedom of speech? No, we can't do that, because we have a right to it, just like we have a right in this country to worship our chosen deity the way we want to. We have a right. The same way I have a right to put my voice out there in the cyber-verse, I have a right to be Catholic. I have a right to an education, to buy a house, to peaceably assemble and rally, to remain silent if arrested, to an attorney, to quality health care, to vote, and to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I have the right to love whomever I want to love, and the person I love is the person I want to marry and be with in good times, in bad, in sickness, in health, in poverty, in prosperity, until death do we part, so help us God!
Among other reasons, conservatives don't want gays to marry because then our society will fail. Really? Allowing people to truly and freely love whom they want to love will breakdown our society? We're already past that. It's been said that you can judge a country's greatness by how it treats its animals, and its homeless. How does 2 people getting married hurt our country? Are you really concerned about having to explain that kind of thing to your kids?
"Mommy, Daddy, why are those 2 men holding hands and kissing?"
"Because they love each other."
"But aren't men only supposed to kiss women?"
"Most men like to kiss women, and some like to kiss other men. Sometimes, some women will kiss other women too, but they kiss because they love each other. Remember how we told you how everyone's different in their own way?"
"Yeah."
"Some people are good at music, other people are good at sports, some people live in big houses, some live in small apartments, some people have children, some people have pets instead, some do different things with their hair, some are left-handed, some have red hair, or blue eyes, or curly hair."
"Who will I kiss, Daddy?"
"You'll kiss the person you love."
"Who will that be?"
"That's up to you, when you're older and learn more about love."
"And you love Mommy, which is why you kiss her, right?"
"Yes, that's right. I love Mommy very much, and she loves me which is why she kisses me. And we love you which is why we kiss you!"
Seriously, how difficult is that conversation? These are answers that are simple and easily understood to a kid in the 1st grade or kinder. If parents would get over their embarrassment and get to the truth of what is out there, then this wouldn't be an issue. DOMA wouldn't exist. DOMA doesn't defend anything but prejudice, and gives people a chance to use the Bible to justify ignorance and hate. By the way, the Bible has also been used to justify slavery, treating women as property, war, and other things that we're not stupid enough to justify.
Another reason to "defend" marriage is that then the institution itself will be "redefined". Okay, so, which century do you live in? It wasn't too long ago that (and still to this day) in some countries, marriages were arranged. They've been treated as business deals. In some cases, soon-to-be-wed couple never even met until the big day. It's been a social status where love didn't matter. It was more as a means of establishing social and financial security. When a woman was married off, it had little to do with love. In fact, when women decided to marry the man they loved, they were seen as radicals. Marriage has been evolving for decades to what it is now: a life-long commitment between 2 people who love each other completely, but also will reap the legal benefits attached to it. It is a legal contract now - a legal contract that anyone should be allowed to enter into with someone they love and want to spend their life loving.
People from all over the world come to live in America because it's "the land of the free, and home of the brave". And those words are taken directly from Francis Scott Key, the lyricist behind our National Anthem. In this country, we teach that you should be yourself. Be who you are, not what others want you to be. We teach it everywhere. DOMA tells people that if you love and want to marry someone who is of the same sex as you, you're denied the right to marry. That's a complete and utter hypocrisy.
Needless to say, I really hope DOMA gets repealed. If it does, then my partner and I (of almost 5 years come June 6th) can go to our county courthouse, pay a $71 fee, and enjoy state and federal benefits and protections for the rest of our lives. These are benefits like:
-filing taxes jointly
-hospital visitation rights
-medical decisions
-and over 1,000 more...yes, over 1,000 more.
To quote the movie Get Real, "It's only love. What's everyone so afraid of?"
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