I had originally intended to write separate posts: one on comparing the plight of the X-Men for social acceptance, and one about Fathers' Day. Since we're so close to Fathers' Day (it's tomorrow), I can combine my post to discuss both topics, and they actually fit together pretty well.
Frank and I went to go see X-Men: First Class the other day at the movie theater. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. This is the 4th X-Men movie that has been released (X-Men, X-Men 2: X-Men United, X-Men: Origins, X-Men: First Class). I think this last one is the best one so far. It's a prequel to all the others, but in it, you learn how Professor X gets paralyzed, you learn how Magneto became so evil, and how he got his helmet, you learn how Beast turned blue, and so many other things. The story was intensely good. So suspenseful with excellent visual effects, I'd be ready to watch it again, and I don't say that about many movies.
Anyway, a common theme in these movies is how these characters struggle for acceptance, both within themselves, as well as from society. We learn through these movies that in the history of science, genetic mutation has enabled certain species to evolve in specific ways. Charles Darwin's theory of natural selection plays a role here: the idea of survival of the fittest. But one thing I love about these stories is that through no fault of their own, each character has been blessed (or cursed) with a specific genetic mutation in their DNA. This mutation gives them a special, "super human" ability. It makes them unique and sets them apart from other people. The characters' powers range from any of the following: telepathy (hearing others' thoughts), telekinesis (moving objects with your mind), flight, super fast healing, ice production, weather control, controlling metal, shape-shifting, etc.
In the first couple of movies, the X-Men are adults. They've accepted themselves and their gifts. Accepting their gifts is enough of a struggle, because it's something in them that they may wish they didn't have, as it has the potential of forcing themselves to self-ostracize from "normal" people and enjoying a "normal" life. Since normal human beings, who may either be family or friends, may not understand the gift brought by their own genetic mutation, the "mutant" ends up suffering from closed minds, closed hearts, and a loss of everything they once held dear to them. Their families shut them out because they can't handle how their child has changed, and they feel powerless to do anything about it. The families also shut out their kids for fear of what others might think about their family. We see this in the Harry Potter stories as well. Harry didn't ask to be a wizard. He was passed down the ability from his parents. After they died, he lived with his uncle and aunt, who treated him as if he was sub-human. But he went to Hogwarts where he met new friends and enemies who were just like him, and learned to control his powers.
In the X-Men movies, Professor X learns of where the new mutants are, finds them, and helps them to love themselves exactly as they are. He shows them how their ability benefits everyone, fostering the idea of community and team work in everything they do together. Their gift isn't something to be ashamed of, but rather something to be celebrated. They're a diverse group of people. They celebrate diversity. They learn to love themselves and love each other even when their own families might turn away in horror. They go as far as to lobby for mutant rights in the legislature, and are inevitably met with plenty of opposition attempting to demonize them.
The parallelism between the X-Men and the gay community is almost tangible. We're who we are through no choice of our own. It's cheesy, but to quote Lady Gaga, we were "born this way". Those who oppressed wizards, mutants, and gays insist it's a choice. Really, the only choices we make are either to deny or accept it, and to hide it or share it with others.
A HUGE part of this journey for self-love and acceptance is the role parents play in our lives. Their thoughts and actions help dictate our destinies in deciding how we see ourselves. I have gay friends who've been shut out from their families. For others, their families are involved in PFLAG (Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays). For those gays who were unfortunate enough to have a family cut them off, they may entertain the thought of suicide, because if their own parents won't love them, who will?
My coming out story is extremely positive. I'm saturated in blessings. And a lot of how I view myself and others is based on a few words my father once told me. I love this man dearly, and he loves me just as I am. He probably knew I was gay (or was turning out gay) when I told him how much I loved Celine Dion when I was 14. I remember he and I had developed a strong relationship during my teen years and early 20s. Before I came out officially 10 years ago, I remember labeling myself in high school as "bicurious". I was attracted to both boys and girls during high school, but I didn't think of myself as bisexual because my feelings seemed to constantly be evolving. I remember when I told him I was confused, he said, and I'm quoting verbatim, "Enjoy your confusion." Wow. I was floored. Most parents would probably not be as calm and collected as he was. Some parents don't want to talk about it. Others go as far as to insist it's a phase, and even recommend therapy to "cure" their child. He didn't tell me any of that. He essentially told me to let it out and have fun with it. He encouraged me to explore my feelings and to learn from them.
Four years later, in 2000, after graduating from high school, my graduation gift was to join him on a pilgrimage to Rome to see the Pope. I was so excited to do this because I had already been to Italy twice with my family, once in 1994, and again in 1995. So this chance to go again and see the POPE was a HUGE gift. I told him that one of the reasons I wanted to go was because I wanted God to tell me who I was (I was still bicurious...and hated it by now). Without missing a beat, he responded, and I quote verbatim again, "Don't ask God to tell you who you are; ask God to help you accept whoever he wants you to be." Again, I was floored. Why couldn't more coming-of-age kids have this man as their father? How was I so blessed as to have this man?
Upon returning from the pilgrimage to Rome, I had started college, still very confused, but coming closer to the realization that I was probably gay. It wasn't until the spring semester of my freshman year in college that I finally knew for sure I was. I knew, and I had accepted it. I told Dad, and he responded "Love and respect yourself and others, and be the best person you can be of whoever God made you to be." (This answer I don't remember verbatim, unfortunately.) I'm extremely lucky. I know this. I've known this for years. My father is a learned, compassionate, humane person. He's touched the lives of many.
Dad has been my teacher, friend, confidant, supporter, fan, and so many other things. He's my dad. A lot of who I am today is because of how he's loved me. He helped me get over my fear of thunder. He gave me an appreciation for toilet humor. He made me fall in love with Chopin's piano pieces. He's challenged me to make my lyrics in my songs better every time. He's calmed my fears and applauded my achievements. He scolded me when I made BIG mistakes, and praised me when I had done the right thing. He reminds me of the importance of enjoying life rather than worrying about its challenges.
I'm beyond confident that if any of the X-Men mutants had my parents in their lives, they wouldn't be afraid of who they are. My parents loving me and accepting me as I am has been fundamental in helping me to live the life I have today: I own a nice, comfortable home with a partner who also loves me as I am. I've found a career that fits me perfectly, both professionally and personally. I can speak 3 languages, and as a result have a very diverse circle of friends. The blessings of my life are founded on my parents' love and acceptance of me. It doesn't matter that I'll never have a wife, and may never give them grandchildren. I'm successful, I'm safe, I'm healthy, and happy...and I owe it all to them.
To anyone whose parents don't match the description of mine, find someone who'll love you unconditionally, especially if there are things about you that others fear or don't understand. Take a lesson from these fictional mutants, the X-Men.
Don't ask God to tell you who you are; ask God to help you accept whoever he wants you to be.
-My dad
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