DISCLAIMER - This post contains strong language.
Dear fellow movie-goers,
How much do we pay to go to the movies nowadays? I remember when tickets used to cost $3.50 for kids, and $5.50 for adults. Today I went to see Wrath of the Titans and paid $14 total for 2 tickets. Having paid for a pleasant movie experience, I want to have a pleasant movie experience.
When I moved to Austin, Frank introduced me to a theater that blew my mind: the Alamo Drafthouse. It's your average movie theater, except they take audience etiquette very seriously. No other theater, to my knowledge, does that. Not AMC, not Cinemark, nothing else. In fact, Alamo Drafthouse is so serious about being a courteous movie-goer, that right before the feature begins, they offer Public Service Announcements (PSAs) that explain their rules and expectations.
The Drafthouse's rule is simple: talk, text, tweet, or disturb your neighbors in any way, and your ass is getting kicked out without a refund. You know what I think of that?
FUCK YEAH!!!
It's because of the Drafthouse's policy that I no longer go to any other movie theater. Every time you walk into a movie theater, you're likely surrounded by people who've paid the same amount, a little less, or more than you (if they paid for a small or large group of people). So, why would you be so rude as to rob them of the theater experience they paid for by opening your fat fucking mouth? If I wanted to hear people rant about random shit, all I have to do is walk around downtown Austin! For fuck's sake, we even had an awesome homeless transvestite named Leslie who ran for mayor one year, and got 10% of the vote!
Keep Austin Weird, baby!
And if your phone rings, that bitch better be on silent - or at the MOST vibrate - because if a ringtone goes off, you better hope that the music in the movie is loud enough to cover it up, otherwise, at the Drafthouse, you risk getting kicked out. Instead, you become the most hated asshole in the theater because your fucking phone distracted everyone's attention from the story THEY PAID TO WATCH. Part of why people go to the movies in the first place is to get away from their own life's problems for a couple hours. When your phone lights up in a dark movie theater, anyone in or behind your row gets distracted from the story to look at whatever the hell is on your phone's screen. So when you talk or text during the movie, you're essentially pulling them out of the fantasy they're trying to enter, reminding them of the real world, and all the assholes, including yourself, who help make it up.
The late Ann Richards, former Texas governor (you know, before Dumb and Dumber took over), was a regular patron to the Drafthouse, so it's only fitting she was featured in one of their PSAs.
Why did this whole policy kick in at the Drafthouse? A local Austin news station interviewed the CEO Tim League himself as to the reasons behind the rule that makes the Drafthouse my and many other Austin movie-goers our new favorite theater.
Below is the uncensored voicemail PSA about the texter who was kicked out of the theater, and by far, my FAVORITE Drafthouse PSA.
It bugs the ever-lovin' shit out of me when I see someone using their phone or talking during a movie. Can you not shut the fuck up for 2 hours?! You wanna talk and text during a movie? Fine. Get the movie on Netflix and watch it in the comfort of your own home. Don't be a douche and interrupt my and other patrons' experience.
If you're going to the movies, fine. But do us all a favor, and shut. the fuck. up.
Love,
Me
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