Will it be any better?

I look at my hands on the keyboard as I type and I'm reaffirmed that I am an adult, an adult in my late 20s who has started his career, owns a home, drives a car, and wears a wedding band.

Next Friday, Black Friday, I'll be at Hal's Landing in Laredo with Frank. I'll be there for my 10 year high school reunion. I've never really had an educational reunion. I've had family reunions, but not like this before. I'm a proud graduate of the St. Augustine High School Class of 2000. Being the only private Catholic high school in Laredo, it was very small. My graduating class was only 81 people including me. And as the days approach, I anticipate them with excitement, confidence, anxiety, and a little bit of nerves. I have more memories of high school than I do of elementary/middle school. Both bad and good.

I'll be completely honest. I have no idea what to expect. It's 10 years later. Will the same people who made me quiver with fear still have that effect on me? Or will I be able to hold myself up with confidence? Will it be like Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion where everyone is accomplished but them? Will it be big kids being the assholes they used to be to the meaker kids? Or will it be a huge positive experience where we're all adults, have figured ourselves out, have self-confidence, and have grown out of all the stupid bullshit that plagued our social lives?

My fears and anxieties pretty much rest on a few things:
1. I'm still a very passive person, non-confrontational.
2. Back then, I knew I was attracted to guys, but I wasn't sure I was gay.
3. My classmates were my friends at school, but had I been invited out with them, it would've been socially awkward for me. I viewed my classmates as student-colleagues, if you will. My "friends" were my cousins, all of whom attended the same school, but were in different grades.

Back then, the boys would want to go into Mexico and drink (illegally), go clubbing, and maybe get laid. None of that ever interested me, which, by default, made me an odd duck around a bunch of other guys and girls. I was much more content staying on the American side, going to watch a movie, and then heading to a cousin's house for desserts or a sleepover.

But when I walk into the reunion, my former classmates will see a man who's learned and loves who he is. After leaving them and living in my own world for a good 10 years, I've not only graduated from college, but I've earned my Master's, started my career, own the home of my dreams, drive the car I want, and am madly in love with an incredible person who's been my lover and best friend for nearly 5 years.

As the reunion approaches, I feel like I'm the typical sitcom or TV series character that plays through all these different scenarios in my head. I have the momentary daydream where I picture myself about to get bullied by the same shitheads who gave me a hard time, and then I push back and yell "Fuck you for making my life hell in school, and FUCK YOU AGAIN for trying to fuck with me again! I'm sick of your shit! Leave me the fuck alone!" Again, that's only a daydream I have. There's little to no chance that that will actually come into realization. And if it did, would I actually hold my ground well, or would I cower like I did back then? I don't know.

I could be completely over-exaggerating everything. It may be a very friendly and casual atmosphere where nothing I'm imagining will come into reality. It may be nothing but fun where those who once made me quiver with intimidation turn out to be amazing people whom I can't wait to friend on Facebook. I just have no idea what's in store.

Among the good memories I have, a lot of girls enjoyed the way I sang. They liked that I played the piano and wrote poetry. There were some guys who were cool with me, and stuck up for me if I felt threatened.

Among the negative memories, I remember that gym class was probably the worst part of it all. There were 6 guys in our class, and it was always the locker room that was so scary for me. There was one time when I remember one of the bigger guys had me up against the wall and was pretending to choke me. I remember that my reaction to his actions was to stay completely calm. I even had my eyes half closed as to appear "bored" by his actions. This same gang of boys would frequently moan and groan as if they were fucking someone right in front of us. It was so annoying. Of course they were all stronger than me, and a few of them would make pseudo-"gay" passes at me. Talk about foreshadowing.

I may be making a mountain out of a molehill as I am so famous for doing. It may be a great event and rekindle or start some great friendships. It may also bring suppressed memories (if I have any) to the forefront and cause me to cringe at the very sight of specific people. There is at least 1 person I can think of who makes me want to walk away the minute I'd see him. And if I do see him, I hope that I don't wuss out and run away.

More than anything, I want to enjoy my reunion. We're all adults who hopefully know how to respect one another, even if we probably needed to do it better when we were that young. But especially bringing Frank with me, the one person I am closest to is stepping into a world that he's never seen, much less knows how it may affect my behavior. I don't know how it'll affect me either.

I intend to enjoy myself and hopefully avoid any conflict. And if someone gives me any crap, I can tell 'em off in 3 different languages.

Music of my heart

With my type of personality, I'm the kind that, when I decide I like something, I become obsessed with it almost to the point of exclusivity. Let's take music, for example, since that's my life and profession.

Growing up, my all-time favorite artist was Michael Jackson, so much so that I would rarely listen to anything else. If I had a say in what I was listening to, MJ would be it. No questions asked, hands down. That was in the 80s and very early 90s. Then in 1996, I saw Celine Dion's video for "Because You Loved Me" and that one song moved MJ out of the way, for Celine's voice had stolen my heart. I became a superfan of Celine Dion, and my fandom of Celine has outdone my MJ fandom with regard to intensity.

Fast-forward to 2010, some 14 years later, and a new artist is starting to win me over. I cannot say officially yet that this new artist has trumped Celine, but I get more excited with this new artist's new releases over those of Celine's now. That artist would be Katy Perry. Admitting here, I feel immediately like I'm supposed to be this professional musician with superb taste in music and an ear for quality. Right there, Frank would disagree with me. But yes, I consider myself to have a discriminating ear. Why? Well, most people, when asked about their favorite music reply "I like everything." That's not true for me. I don't like everything. In fact, more and more hip-hop songs, for example, are coming out that have such asinine lyrics! Or the music is very redundant with little creativity involved.

My love for Celine is founded on her incredible voice and beautiful music videos. Her voice and range are velvety smooth, and all her songs are so positive, and the only thing she really sings about is love. She's moved masses with her voice. Being a classically trained musician myself, if I like someone, I want to have professional reasons for liking them. For Celine, no she doesn't really write her own songs, she records others' songs, and her interpretations are true works of art.

My love for Katy Perry stands on how she not only writes her own songs, but the words are applicable to so many people's lives. They're humorous, catchy, and you can dance to just bout all of them. They're FUN! I remember when I first heard Katy's song "I Kissed a Girl". At first I admit I was a little turned off. I didn't know who this girl was, and thought her voice was too raspy for being so popular. She sounded very "throaty" which initially turned me off. Then a friend introduced me to her song "Ur So Gay" and the song cracked me up. I thought the lyrics were clever, especially the line that goes:

You're so sad, maybe you should buy a Happy Meal.

You're so skinny, you should really Super Size the deal. 

That line made me just about die laughing. Then, I heard her other single "Hot N Cold" and the energy behind that one lit a spark within me that turned that song into my favorite one on her debut album. The video was fun to watch, the lyrics were clever, the music was addictive, and she definitely at least co-wrote it. The other thing about her lyrics that I find so attractive is that they're blatantly honest sometimes. Cue the release of her songs "Thinking of You" and "Waking Up in Vegas". The former is a beautifully moving ballad with a rockish edge about struggling to love someone new because you're still in love with someone who's gone. In the context of this song, her true love was killed in war, and she can't be intimate with her new man without thinking of her deceased lover. "Waking Up in Vegas" is the adventure a lot of us want to have in Sin City: the fun, the lavishness, the risk, the gambling, and the consequences that follow. That's America, right there.

This year, she debuted her new album called "Teenage Dream". I remember reading the reviews on iTunes and 1 critic said that her music was like indulging in your favorite junk food at midnight. I don't want to think of her music as junk food, sweet but unhealthy. It's music and we love music because it's supposed to be fun to perform, dance to, listen to, etc. I could go on and on about this but that's a different blog. Her first single was "California Gurls" celebrating the beauty of the ladies populating the Golden State. Featuring what I thought was a climactic vocal climax it was enough to make me download the song and listen to it on repeat in my car. Then the album's title track was released: "Teenage Dream". Though the video has some risqué scenes, I loved the music and lyrics because they often define how I feel about Frank.The lyrics and music seem to depict, to me, a time when we're just barely out of our teenage adolescent years, in our early 20s, and find a love that feels stronger and more substantial than any puppy love we may have felt in our earlier youth. It's fresh music, it's driven, with a rock edge, and it evokes a feeling of nostalgia; being able to feel young and in love with the one you've found who's moved you so deeply. Then her latest single was released: "Firework". Initially, judging by the song title itself, I wasn't sure I'd like it. Since I follow Katy on Twitter, she was going on and on about how special this song was. When the video was finally released, I saw it and I was nearly moved to tears. The "Firework" she refers to is the spark that's within each of us that needs to be ignited so we can truly be ourselves and shine the way we're supposed to.

You don't have to feel like a wasted space. 
You're original, cannot be replaced. 
If you only knew what the future holds
after a hurricane comes a rainbow.

The song is a very upbeat as well as an inspirational testimony to being yourself, reflective of Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors": 

Baby you're a firework, come on show 'em what you're worth. 
Make 'em go "Oh, oh oh!" as you shoot across the sky-y-y. 

If I had to guess, it's very appropriate to release this song after so many teen suicides have plagued our society in the past months. The video reflects a boy breaking up his parents' arguing, a self-conscious girl not wanting to swim in public because she's not skinny, a cancer patient with no hair, a gay boy in a club surrounded by straight people who finally goes to kiss the boy he's attracted to, a magician who gets mugged, etc. The message is very powerful, and the music is balladesque making for a truly enjoyable, inspiring work of art.

I'm loving "Firework" so much that I'm even considering using it professionally at school. When the 5th graders graduate, there are 4 songs we do, and 1 keeps changing each year:

National Anthem
Moving Forward (the official graduation song I wrote myself)
Celebration (by Kool & the Gang, usually sung as a finale)
_____________ This is the song that only 5th graders may audition to sing. Whoever gets picked sings this song, and the choir performs it in Sign Language.

So that's what's going on with me. Celine and Katy and duking it out in my ears and mind. I love them both so much.

Regardless of who becomes my new #1 favorite, Celine will always have a 1-up over anyone else because it was she who inspired and motivated me to become a professional musician.

Noms

I actually deliberated on the title of this blog. Should I capitalize the first letter, or not? This adorable 3-letter word refers to the "lolcat" speak on the website www.ICanHasCheezburger.com where adorable pictures of various animals (primarily cats and dogs) have captions depicting humorous conversations. I've actually fallen in love with the website and the animals depicted within. The term "nom" refers to food or anything of the like. It's a form of onomatopoeia in which the word mimics the sound made when something is nibbled or eaten...especially with haste when the food is extremely delectable. This term itself has gotten to the point where, especially on the internet, it's both onomatopoeia and a noun.

I smile with a cheesy grin just thinking about it. I picture friends of mine coming to my house, and as would be my hostly duty, I'd ask, "So I've got all kinds of good noms here if you're hungry." I find, personally, that the onomatopoeia form of the word is best expressed when the word "nom" is said 5 times in rapid succession: nom nom nom nom nom! It just makes me giggle!

But just this word alone has also prompted me to write this blog about my fascination with text lingo itself, when it comes to posting status updates on Facebook, Twitter, comments, text messages, etc. With the increasing and peaking popularity of the cyberworld and those who use it on a daily basis - I myself am a facebook and twitter addict - all kinds of textual lingo is being used on a regular basis, to the point where they even infiltrate daily social live conversations with friends. Our world is becoming increasingly digital, and those who were born after the year 2003 have little to no knowledge of what this world was like before this world went from being the kind where you'd have to communicate by phone to being able to take a picture with one!

So let me briefly recap my thoughts, because I seem to go from one stream of thinking to another. This one word, "nom", and its references is tied to a world that has evolved into what it is now when only a few years ago it didn't exist, at least not to the level it's at now. This world branches out in so many directions with the way technology has changed over time.

This world has brought with it changes in the way we communicate with each other, with regard to news, comedy, research, art, investigation, authentic information, misguided information, business, politics, pro-this and anti-that.

So here I was, trying to write a blog about a simple little word that evokes so much humor, and it led me down to mention, albeit briefly, the world that technology has affected communication, and how that has affected humanity.

We've come a long way, baby.

Sink or sing

Remember the original Super Mario Brothers Nintendo game? If you do, you might remember how the screen moved, forcing you to keep going. There was a timer that affected the tempo of the music as you started running out. Before you knew it, you were trying desperately to not fall in the next hole or just plain get killed by an easily-killed enemy.

My life feels like that game right now, especially around the winter season. I'm having to stop my regular lessons in music to prepare ALL the grades (PK-5th) for the annual Holiday program coming up. It's a traditional theme called "Christmas Around the World". The idea is to celebrate the holiday as it is celebrated in different parts of the world with songs from different countries. It first starts with sending out a bilingual letter asking if the child has permission to participate (since some families are Jehovah's Witnesses, and don't celebrate Christmas). I don't have a problem with such families, but in accommodating for all students' needs, I have to do this. Then of course some kids forget them and don't bring them in by the time they should, and so on and so forth.

In addition to leading and directing this massive production, I'm the chair of a social committee at my school, and we've got to plan the Christmas party, and we're running out of time to do it.

Then I get home, and I'm on my neighborhood's Neighborhood Watch Committee, and will be the chair of the Welcoming Committee. All of this is volunteer work, too. I'm so drained at the end of each day right now.

*yawn* Yep, I'm exhausted.