Frank is a longhorn. Several of my cousins are longhorns. My brother is a longhorn. My favorite college professor is a longhorn. I live in Austin.
I hear about high school kids getting into UT for college, and every time I see a friend's UT diploma displayed, a part of me becomes very jealous. I associate UT as Texas' version of Harvard. I've never been a UT student, but Frank and I are season ticket holders for many UT performing arts events.
I've earned my Bachelor's degree, and my Master's. The only degree I have yet to earn is my Doctorate, a degree I aspire to earn. But I don't know if I ever will. If I ever go for a Doctorate, it'll more than likely be in music education, or as the UT Butler School of Music calls it, a Ph.D. in Music and Human Learning. I love how that sounds.
In my head, I have this association with UT that if I don't ever get admitted to UT, I'll never reach my highest educational potential. For me, getting a Ph.D. from UT is essentially being a genius. But UT is very competitive. Extremely competitive. They have limited spots for their Ph.D. programs, and applicants from all over the world apply to get in. What kind of chance do I have?
Now, is it possible for me to get admitted? Yes, of course it is. Is it probable, probably not. It can happen, but it probably won't. I've done my research of what's required to get admitted, and admission requires several things I'm not prepared or motivated enough to do:
-Take the GRE test (I loathe that exam; well, I'm bad at standardized tests in general).
-Take music diagnostic exams (All together, they're about 3 hours long). To take these exams, I'd have to majorly brush up on my familiarity with music history, scores identification skills, and so many other things, because Ph.D. candidates should be able to teach just about any course a university has them teach. I know I'm not at that level of qualification.
-Have at least 3 years of teaching experience.
I'll be 100% honest: I'm obsessed with the idea of being a longhorn more than I care to roll up my sleeves to do the work necessary to become one. I just want to apply, get in, take my classes, and write my dissertation. I want a prestigious UT diploma that declares me to be a Doctor of Philosophy in Music and Human Learning. But I can't do that. If I want to get in, I need to study for and take the GRE, review several music history books, familiarize myself with as many scores as I can from every major era of music history, and be able to take 4-part melodic dictation. And the only thing stopping me from doing all this is my own laziness.
Because of this inner demon, I don't know if I'll ever be motivated enough to do all the work required to get the highest degree possible from one of the best universities in the country.
Playing devil's advocate, let's say I do get in. I'm already paying off student loans I took out for my Master's degree. I still have a good 17 years before those are paid off. If I pursue the Ph.D., I'll have to defer loan payments, and add to the debt as well. That's the only way I could afford to go.
Also, one can only apply to UT Doctoral programs in the fall semester. And that deadline is for admission starting the FOLLOWING fall. So if I get everything done this year to get in, I wouldn't start until fall 2013. Yep. That's how it works.
Frank has suggested that I simpy apply to get in and take classes refresher courses, but not apply to the School of Music. Getting admitted to the university is one thing; getting admitted into a specialized program is entirely another.
UT has been on my mind a lot lately since the end of this school year quickly approaches. I don't know how many high school students are getting admitted to UT. But I know plenty will be there. And when I go to campus for any event, I see longhorns with backpacks on, and I desperately want to be one of them.
*sigh* A dream that is realistically accessible, yet internally and mentally out of reach. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to achieving our goals and dreams.
Either way, GO LONGHORNS!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Joyous relief
Before I begin, "Kodály" is pronounced "KOH-die".
That being said...
This past Wednesday, April 13, 2011, I received an e-mail in the morning from my Kodály professor. He told me he had my teaching videos, but asked me where the lesson plans and self-evaluations were. When I calmly told him they were all sent together, he later e-mailed me with the following message: "I found them on my desk. You've passed." I looked at those 2 words: "You've passed." You've passed. My breathing quickened as if I was having an anxiety attack. I've passed? I've passed?! I ran to the bedroom where Frank lay sleeping (it was about 9:30 pm by now). My hyperventilating woke him up. "Are you okay?!" he asked. Unable to respond, I kept breathing heavily while turning on the light, displaying a smile, and giving 2 thumbs up to at least let him know my heavy breathing was a good thing. Between breaths, I managed to say, "I just got an e-mail from [my professor]. My teaching videos passed. I'm DONE!" After a little more heavy breathing, I collapsed onto the bedroom floor and began to sob tears of joyous relief.
The majority of people I know don't know what this is all about. "What's 'Ko-DALL-ee'?" they ask me. Kodály is the last name of Zoltán Kodály who was a Hungarian composer and music educator. He simply believed that all people have a right to a quality musical education, especially kids. His research and educational philosophy spawned a movement in elementary music education that has spread worldwide. His work evolved into a pedagogical style and methodology that is known as both the Kodály Method and the Kodály Concept. Because of how it works, it's an international success in elementary music. My school district requires that all its elementary music teachers (myself included) must become certified in this style of pedagogy. We must become "Kodály Music Specialists". How long does it take to complete the certification? Three years for 3 levels. What's a bigger pill to swallow is that we're given 5 years to complete the certification. If we don't finish it in time, we're put on a growth plan, which could lead to potential termination, though there has yet to be any such precedent. I finished with 1 year left in my 5-year time frame. In my district, there are 13 of us, and 6 of us are finished, myself now included. Four more are almost finished, and 3 more have 1-3 years to go.
In order to earn Kodály certification (the way I did), one must do the following:
I started Level 1 in July 2008. That following school year, I recorded a 4th grade teaching video and submitted it during Level 2 in July 2009. It failed. That following school year, I recorded 2 videos: a 2nd grade video, and a 3rd grade video. I submitted them during Level 3. They both failed. I had completed everything...except the videos.
I felt defeated. I seriously considered a career change from teaching music to selling Mary Kay cosmetics full time. In reality, I knew I couldn't do that. My teaching was paying all my bills. I couldn't quit. I decided I wanted to record both of my new videos in Fall 2010 to get them over and done with by the holidays. My professor discouraged me from doing so because he felt I didn't have enough time from the start of the school year to practice and professionally develop. He told me he wanted to see evidence of months of on-going commitment and professional development in the video. February came and I attended the annual Texas Music Educators Association (TMEA) Convention in San Antonio, TX. There, 2 alumni from the same program I attended were giving a clinic on musical transitions (highly useful tools in Kodály pedagogy). Desperate for inspiration and motivation to finish something my career and life depended on, I attended their clinic. That 60-minute presentation turned on the biggest light bulb in my head! Watching them, I finally understood what I needed to do, and more importantly, I knew how to do it! I walked out of it completely re-motivated to finish my work. Later that month, I recorded 8 videos (each of 4 different 2nd and 3rd grade classes), and showed them to a colleague who finished the same year I started. She gave me some priceless feedback. I told myself, "I won't submit anything else unless I have reassurance that it'll pass." By the time I showed her the 7th and 8th videos, she said they were passable.
(Sidenote: When you submit teaching videos, 3 documents must accompany it: the detailed lesson plan [with every little thing you're doing in the video in writing], background information [which Kodály program you're in, your level, your school, district, etc.], and a self-evaluation.)
With my colleague's approval, I submitted my work in the mail to my professor who works at a university in Pennsylvania. Not wanting to annoy him (especially since he held my fate in his hands), I requested that my colleague contact him regularly to check on the status of my videos. I had waited on pins and needles for over a month...fearing I wouldn't hear from him until May, and then wouldn't be able to submit another video until the following year.
Now, go back and re-read the first paragraph again.
I am now a Kodály Music Specialist, and my career is safe.
Joyous relief.
Joyous. relief.
That being said...
This past Wednesday, April 13, 2011, I received an e-mail in the morning from my Kodály professor. He told me he had my teaching videos, but asked me where the lesson plans and self-evaluations were. When I calmly told him they were all sent together, he later e-mailed me with the following message: "I found them on my desk. You've passed." I looked at those 2 words: "You've passed." You've passed. My breathing quickened as if I was having an anxiety attack. I've passed? I've passed?! I ran to the bedroom where Frank lay sleeping (it was about 9:30 pm by now). My hyperventilating woke him up. "Are you okay?!" he asked. Unable to respond, I kept breathing heavily while turning on the light, displaying a smile, and giving 2 thumbs up to at least let him know my heavy breathing was a good thing. Between breaths, I managed to say, "I just got an e-mail from [my professor]. My teaching videos passed. I'm DONE!" After a little more heavy breathing, I collapsed onto the bedroom floor and began to sob tears of joyous relief.
The majority of people I know don't know what this is all about. "What's 'Ko-DALL-ee'?" they ask me. Kodály is the last name of Zoltán Kodály who was a Hungarian composer and music educator. He simply believed that all people have a right to a quality musical education, especially kids. His research and educational philosophy spawned a movement in elementary music education that has spread worldwide. His work evolved into a pedagogical style and methodology that is known as both the Kodály Method and the Kodály Concept. Because of how it works, it's an international success in elementary music. My school district requires that all its elementary music teachers (myself included) must become certified in this style of pedagogy. We must become "Kodály Music Specialists". How long does it take to complete the certification? Three years for 3 levels. What's a bigger pill to swallow is that we're given 5 years to complete the certification. If we don't finish it in time, we're put on a growth plan, which could lead to potential termination, though there has yet to be any such precedent. I finished with 1 year left in my 5-year time frame. In my district, there are 13 of us, and 6 of us are finished, myself now included. Four more are almost finished, and 3 more have 1-3 years to go.
In order to earn Kodály certification (the way I did), one must do the following:
- Take over 300 hours worth of course work (ideally done in 3 weeks in 3 consecutive summers)
- Analyze over 200 folk songs in the required format, including finding their ethnic origins, and locating legitimate sources to trace their heritage)
- Learn to execute a new music teaching theory model in which you learn to teach music musically; musical activities with musical transitions from one activity to the next
- Compile a digital retrieval system loaded with all the folk songs you've analyzed, so as you're writing a lesson plan, you can use the system to extract the songs you need to support whichever musical element you're teaching
- Record and submit 2 teaching videos; the 1st one (either 1st or 2nd grade) must show an emerging understanding of the Kodály concept, and the 2nd (3rd, 4th, or 5th grade) must show proficiency in the concept. These videos either pass or fail.
I started Level 1 in July 2008. That following school year, I recorded a 4th grade teaching video and submitted it during Level 2 in July 2009. It failed. That following school year, I recorded 2 videos: a 2nd grade video, and a 3rd grade video. I submitted them during Level 3. They both failed. I had completed everything...except the videos.
I felt defeated. I seriously considered a career change from teaching music to selling Mary Kay cosmetics full time. In reality, I knew I couldn't do that. My teaching was paying all my bills. I couldn't quit. I decided I wanted to record both of my new videos in Fall 2010 to get them over and done with by the holidays. My professor discouraged me from doing so because he felt I didn't have enough time from the start of the school year to practice and professionally develop. He told me he wanted to see evidence of months of on-going commitment and professional development in the video. February came and I attended the annual Texas Music Educators Association (TMEA) Convention in San Antonio, TX. There, 2 alumni from the same program I attended were giving a clinic on musical transitions (highly useful tools in Kodály pedagogy). Desperate for inspiration and motivation to finish something my career and life depended on, I attended their clinic. That 60-minute presentation turned on the biggest light bulb in my head! Watching them, I finally understood what I needed to do, and more importantly, I knew how to do it! I walked out of it completely re-motivated to finish my work. Later that month, I recorded 8 videos (each of 4 different 2nd and 3rd grade classes), and showed them to a colleague who finished the same year I started. She gave me some priceless feedback. I told myself, "I won't submit anything else unless I have reassurance that it'll pass." By the time I showed her the 7th and 8th videos, she said they were passable.
(Sidenote: When you submit teaching videos, 3 documents must accompany it: the detailed lesson plan [with every little thing you're doing in the video in writing], background information [which Kodály program you're in, your level, your school, district, etc.], and a self-evaluation.)
With my colleague's approval, I submitted my work in the mail to my professor who works at a university in Pennsylvania. Not wanting to annoy him (especially since he held my fate in his hands), I requested that my colleague contact him regularly to check on the status of my videos. I had waited on pins and needles for over a month...fearing I wouldn't hear from him until May, and then wouldn't be able to submit another video until the following year.
Now, go back and re-read the first paragraph again.
I am now a Kodály Music Specialist, and my career is safe.
Joyous relief.
Joyous. relief.
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