Why "The Oven"?

I googled "open oven pic" and found the background that now fits my blog. So the background has been appropriately changed to reflect the metaphor behind both my blog's name and purpose. 

So, why do I call this blog "The Oven"? The name has a few references to it:

1. It's an extension of a nickname my friend Cindy gave me. We met when I was in graduate school, and she's the type that makes up nicknames for everyone, and everything. When trying to figure out a nickname for me, I told her how I once called my former piano professor and college mentor - whose name is Fritz - "Fritzbiscuit". Once I said that, she called me "Jimmybiscuit", and calls me "Biscuit" for short. And it's probably my favorite nickname, but only she and that circle of friends are allowed to call me that.
   
   All that being said, biscuits are usually baked in an oven, and when they're done, they're ready to consume. So, I metaphorically refer to my mind as "the oven" where all my thoughts, opinions, and ideas come to fruition. Then they're ready to be shared with the world.
   
   
2. Ovens always heat up when in use. That's how they work. And they can heat up to various degrees of heat depending on what they have inside. This refers to my love for hot topics. I particularly love to discuss progressive versus conservative politics, such as marriage equality, social issues, and other things. I'll also discuss my views on religion at times. 

So, that's pretty much the gist behind the name of the blog.

But you know what? I've discovered something. Though professionally, I'm an elementary music teacher (I'm certified in Texas to teach PK-12th grade; I hold two degrees in music, as well as a certificate in Kodály pedagogy), I've discovered that I love writing. I love expressing myself through writing. Every time I post a blog, I feel like one of those writers who has a piece in an op-ed of a nationally renowned newspaper, like The Washington Post or The New York Times. Blogs allow people to put their thoughts into writing, and share them with both friends, and even strangers around the world. I love languages, and grammar, and spelling. I love using big words like "obfuscate". Yes, it's real. They used it on The X-Files, and I looked it up because the word confused me, and then I learned that its denotation did exactly that.

But if I'm a professional musician who's certified to teach, and has an advanced degree in music, what do I like to do musically? I love to sing, play piano, experiment with other instruments. My instruments are piano and voice, primarily. I usually have no problem bursting into song while shopping. I adore karaoke, and I don't need to get plastered to get up to sing. I love concerts, and playing popular, classical, or original music on my piano or iPhone. When I'm driving, I'll look at the road in front of me as if there's a camera, and I'm shooting a music video. I love to teach music because I love showing kids how music works, and then I get that amazing feeling when they finally read, understand, and perform the "dots on the page". I love teaching music. I'm good at it, and I get paid to do it.

So, as much as I love teaching music and being a musician, I also love the written word. I can spend hours on my computer reading article after article, and then reading all the comments from other readers. Then I can click on some readers to find their blogs, and read about what they have to say about any topic. I consider myself a very social person. I love to know what people think about all kinds of stuff. I love having those conversations, as they help you get to know someone far beyond the surface of small talk. I feel like blogging is a great way to keep that conversation going. Through blogging, you can also find out, as you read, with whom you can have deep, intellectual conversations, and with whom you can probably only have civil conversations. And yes, there's a BIG difference.

This blog is a mental playground. When you go to a regular, real-life playground, you hear the shouts of children playing together, laughing, running freely. The sounds of this playground are the sounds of every keystroke on the keyboard as I type. I hear each keystroke as if it was one of the ingredients for the concoction that's about to be released from "the oven". I also envision a sheet of paper, with a pen in hand, where my hand, through a few symbolic writings, communicates the thoughts that reside in my mind. I can liken this image to one of the lyrics in the song "Breathe (2 AM)" by Anna Nalick:

Two AM, and I'm still awake writing a song.
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me,
threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
cause these words are my diary screamin' out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to.

 That is SUCH a good song! 

So, anyway, that's why my blog is called "The Oven". I feel, also, that I communicate much better in writing than I do when I speak. I've been known, when speaking, to, well...not think before I speak. But when I write, I portray myself intelligently (I think), and if there's anything I probably shouldn't say, I can edit it before it's ready to be taken out of the oven of my mind.

Be yourself.* (*Some restrictions apply)

I'm not sure where else besides Texas it may exist, but Texas is an "at will" state where employees can be fired "at will" of the employer. Granted, if you have given your employer a good reason to fire you, then by all means, you're screwed for poor conduct, or a poor choice of words or actions. The gay community has been advocating support for Congress to pass ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) which would protect people like me for getting fired simply because of our sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression. In Texas, we don't have that protection.

I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher. I'm an elementary teacher who loves his job, gets paid an amount that supports a comfortable lifestyle. I'm also an elementary teacher who happens to be gay. My colleagues know, but my students? If they do, they don't bring it up, and I keep it completely private because it's frankly none of their business. Besides, they're likely not old enough to understand what being gay means, unless they watch Glee or Modern Family. Boys that age are still repulsed by girls, and girls typically feel mutually.

I've made it a professional - and personal - goal to never lie to my students. Ever. If I do or say something where I truly am at fault, I'll take ownership of it to model the importance of responsibility and self-accountability. Because of my insistence in never lying to them, I've had to answer a question I'd prefer not to be asked:

Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes. [I used to say this because I truly do feel married...even though I honestly am not, legally or otherwise, but because I felt married, saying "Yes" was an honest response.]

That was during my first 2 years teaching. As the next few years went by, I re-evaluated this response and concluded that if I answer this question - which kids inevitably ask because they're naturally curious about their teachers' personal lives - I may get a follow-up question whose response could be honest, but not to my preference of honesty:

Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes.
Student: What's your wife's name?

I can't answer that question honestly unless I reply "That's private" or "None of your business." Technically, it's an honest answer. But, why is a spouse's name private? I don't think there's anything wrong with being asked that question. I find nothing invasive about it, except that I don't have a wife. So, in order to maintain my privacy, and still model honesty, I've changed my response to the first question:

Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.

I'm far more comfortable answering that, because I do feel like I'm being honest and protecting my privacy all at the same time. I just stop them early and prevent myself from having to lie about an even less private question. Of course once asked, and after answering, I change the subject immediately. I do wear my commitment ring on the appropriate finger. In fact, I never take it off. They can draw their own conclusions, I just won't help them do it. I've had a couple of students ask me this year:

Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.
Another student: See his ring? Of course he's married.

They're saying it; I'm not. The way I see it, they're drawing their own conclusion, and I'm not lying at all. I'm stating the truth, that some aspects of my personal life truly are none of their business. Further, I show them they won't get more information than "That's none of your business." Also, it gives their curiosity a dead end before they use it to probe further.


When I know I'm in safe environments, I'm free to be myself completely. But what if I go to a movie theatre, shopping center, park, or restaurant? So many couples show that they're someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife by simply holding hands in public. It's a strong, common social statement. Some go as far as to share a kiss among passers-by. Even if any of those straight couples are teachers like me, if they're spotted by a student, the student's reaction may be something like:

Student: Oh, there's my teacher! Hi! *waves*
Teacher: Hi there! *waves back*

But what if that teacher is me? Frank and I could be at the mall, and I may want to hold his hand. Harmless, right? What if a student was to see me holding him? When kids see their teacher in public somewhere outside school, the next day, they'll tell the teacher: "I saw you at [insert location here]!"

One night, around 8 or 9 pm, I went to Best Buy with Frank. It was a school night. Inside, I spotted one of my first grade students. I wasn't seen. The next morning, a 5th grader approached me:

Student: I saw you last night.
Me: Where? At the grocery store? (I had been there after leaving school that day.)
Student: No, at Best Buy.
Me: Oh, yes, I was there.

The scary part is that I never saw that student...but they saw me. Had I let myself be uninhibited that evening, that conversation wouldn't have ended there:

Student: You were holding another guy's hand!

How do I get out of that without lying?

Worst case scenario is that one of my students has the type of parents that are ignorant enough to think that if their child's teacher is gay, it may influence their child to be gay too, and then because there is no employment protection for gay people in Texas, I could lose my job since Texas is also an "at will" state. I realize I could be overreacting, but I don't want to risk it either.

Despite whatever sacrifice I, and other gay teachers may have to make in public to keep our income uninterrupted to pay bills, what upsets me more is a great hypocrisy in this country:

We teach children to "be yourself." There should be no asterisk (*) after that statement with fine print to read where "Some restrictions apply". When we add those restrictions, we place conditions on our love for our children. And our children are our future.

Kids learn differently, and schools, by law, accommodate them. Gay people love differently, and the workplace, by law, should accommodate us.

It takes someone special...

...to know and love you so completely that he/she:

• voices your exact thoughts before you do. 
• understands your mind and thinking so fluently to accurately predict your next thought, statement, or action. 
• can give you an honest and direct reality check in such a way that it doesn't hurt your feelings, but instead makes you immensely grateful that you're hearing what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. 
• loves you no matter how your quirks might irritate him/her. 
• pushes you to be a better you, if you're the type with a tendency to be dependent on others' help due to a lack of self-confidence.
• celebrates all your virtues, and accepts all your flaws. 
• knows just what to say or do to make you feel better. 
• with just one gesture or statement, can instantly fill you with joy and peace. 
• sees you for who you really are, and loves it all unconditionally. 
• knows how to explain anything to you better than anyone else can. 
• can make you laugh at yourself without ever hurting your feelings. 

The law and our church believe we are strangers to each other. My mind, heart, and soul confirm he is my husband.

My spending fast...one month left

Back in fall of 2010, the Public Relations officer from Randolph-Brooks Federal Credit Union (@rbfcu) tweeted about a woman who made a New Years Resolution to go on a spending fast, in which she wouldn't spend any money at all on wants...just needs. The goal was to reduce consumer debt. Her plan, despite all her apparent withdrawal and consumerist sacrifice (no paid social outings like going out to eat, or the movies), she either made a big dent in paying off her debt, or she eliminated big chunks of it. Since at the time I read the story about this woman, I had no idea what my NYR should be, I realized I should do the same thing.

Normally, I might make a NYR, but how many of us actually hold ourselves to it each year? I mean, really. Let's be honest. Do you make a NYR, only to give up on it a couple months later? Knowing this, I decided to do it, and made a conscious daily choice to not spend on anything I wanted...only what I needed. Easily simplified, it meant, after paying all my monthly bills that my teacher paycheck pays, (mortgage, car, student loan, cell phone, credit cards), I only had a few hundred per month for "gas and groceries" and professional expenses...or so I thought.

At first making this NYR, I felt relatively comfortable doing it. But I didn't think about all the "uh-ohs" that come with life, like car maintenance, and new tires if you get a nail in your tire, and doctor visits, and medical prescriptions. I was so short-sighted to think that after paying all bills, "gas and groceries" was all that would be left. As each "uh-oh" event came (and they did), if I didn't have enough cash from my paycheck, I'd be forced to use my credit cards. Since my credit card debt has been on a steady incline in the past few years, this NYR was particularly designed to keep me from adding to it.

-NO impulse spending
-NO stupid justifications for any unnecessary purchases
-NO movie or restaurant outings unless someone else paid
-Want the DVD? Wait for it to be available on Netflix
-Want a new single, soundtrack, or album? Ask for iTunes gift cards for your birthday or Christmas. (I teach music for a living, so this was ESPECIALLY difficult!)

The only eating out I allowed myself was usually fast food when I needed to eat, and didn't have enough time to go home and eat. That was justifiable.

So where do I stand now? I've almost made it through November with one month left to go. In retrospect, I can say this: My fast hasn't been perfect. It could've been better. There are plenty of things I've wanted to buy and didn't. I've fought many moments of seeing something online or in-store that I wanted, and thinking, Fuck it. I'll just charge it, and resisted the urge.

Like I said earlier, it was my goal/hope that I'd pay off a good chunk of my credit card debt through this NYR. Well, because of life, that didn't happen. Instead, my credit card debt increased. Why? A few factors could be to blame:

-I should've driven around less. That would've saved gas, giving me more cash to use per month to refrain from using credit cards.

-I gave to charities - granted, not much - thinking that despite my intention to reduce debt, I'd receive some sort of Good Samaritan blessing from God for giving even when I didn't have anything to give. Though the effect this could've had on my debt is undoubtedly minimal, I know it played a role, but I don't regret doing it either.

-I could've gotten a summer job teaching music at one of those after-school academies, and though I had the opportunity, I was lazy and let it pass me by. The extra income would've reduced the amount I charged for necessities during the summer, and would've made the summer a LOT more financially bearable.

Over the past 7 months, or so, I had some credit card adventures, too. And by that, I mean taking advantage of certain offers or promotions a card offered to help save money. I consider it an adventure because I had never done balance transfers before. First time for everything, right?

I have 4 credit cards (from lowest limit to highest):
-Chase MC (lowest limit, with a 12% APR, with points rewards)
-AMEX (9.9% APR, with cash back rewards for Costco)
-Discover (14% APR, with points rewards)
-Citi MC (16.99% APR, with cash back rewards)


The AMEX is a joint account with my partner. I don't pay on that one, he does.

As for the others, let me break it down as to what happened in these "adventures".
-At the start of the fast, my Disc and Chase had BIG balances, and my Citi, with a LARGE limit, was clean. I hated paying 2 credit card bills each month, so I checked Citi to see if there was a balance transfer promotion. There was.

-I transferred my Disc and Chase balances to Citi with a promotion that gave me 0% APR until March of 2012. And I'd still have plenty of room to charge if necessary (i.e., when my cash ran out, and I needed things). Well, over the next few months, plenty of "life happens" events took place requiring me to charge, and my Citi balance sky rocketed to where I was closer to my limit than I wanted to be. (I also was okay with using the Citi because I knew that even though I was increasing my debt, I'd earn a cash back check eventually...and I did; a whopping $50.) Damn, I wish there was a font for sarcasm!

-Knowing I needed "space" on my Citi, I looked at my Disc again (as it had the 2nd highest limit of all my cards), and lo and behold, they had a balance transfer option too, until March (or April) 2012.

-So, I took a big chunk of the balance from Citi, and put it back on the Disc, which left me more room on my Citi to continue charging when necessary. For a few months, I was able to not charge on my Disc at all. But my Citi balance continued to increase to where I needed to stop charging there, and start charging on Disc instead. Why? When I've paid my statements this year, I've really only paid the minimum payment because that way, I could satisfy my card agreement, and still have cash to use. The more I paid off, the less cash I had to make it through the month, which would force me to charge on the card even sooner, thereby essentially canceling out whatever extra I paid on the card.

-Since I had two monster balances on my Citi and Disc, I looked to my favorite financial institution, RBFCU, and learned about their credit card and balance transfer options. So, I thought, I'll apply and transfer everything to that card since they're such a bad-ass-awesome institution, and I'm tired of dealing with big banks. Well, I applied, and though my credit is okay, I have too many financial obligations to take on a 3rd balance transfer of the amount I needed. So, I'm stuck paying 2 cards for a little while. 

So here's my plan for the rest of the year:
1. Keep the fast going and charge on Disc as that has more room than the Citi does through the end of the year.
2. Once I get my tax statements (either Dec. or Jan.) and get my IRS refund in January (yes, I file QUICKLY), I'll use a large chunk of it to pay down my car, unless I can pay it off (it's final payment is supposed to be June 2012).
3. Once the car is paid off, use that money to pay the cards, or by then reapply for the RBFCU cards I was initially declined. By then, I'll have one less bill to pay per month.

We'll see how this plan works.

Memories of my 20s, and related reflections

Today is my 365th day of being a 29-year-old. In about 12 hours, I'll be turning 30. My 20s will be over and will never come back again. Ever.

On my way to work this morning, I took a moment to reminisce on each of my last 10 birthdays.

• 20 - At home in Laredo, with family, a few friends, and later went to my cousin's house to hang out some more. 
• 21 - Went to Chili's with my parents and siblings, and had an alcoholic beverage, I think the Presidente Margarita, and drank it...but didn't finish it. 
• 22 - Parents were out of town. I hosted a party at my house, with their permission, and invited my music major friends, and a few professors I started to establish friendships with. I also invited my Godparents. It was my intention to bring together 3 different circles of friends: classmates, professors, and family. The evening was slightly socially awkward as I spent more time with my classmates than my profs and Godparents, leaving them to entertain themselves. The profs and Godparents left, and the classmates stayed to party more. 
• 23 - In grad school, and went to a meeting of the American Sign Language Club where I received my official name sign. It was so exciting! 
• 24 - Still in grad school, went to San Antonio to a gay karaoke club with a small group of friends and my boyfriend at the time. It was there I got drunk for the first time, and it was a horrible experience...the getting drunk part. 
• 25 - Working on my thesis and living with my partner whom I met 5 months earlier. Parents, sister, bro-in-law, nephew and niece came to Austin, and we ate dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. We also had breakfast at a local favorite restaurant. 
• 26 - My first year teaching. I don't really remember what happened that day. 
• 27 - Started teaching at a new school. Got a nice treat out with my co-workers, sweet birthday cards, and a BIG candy from other teachers. Frank and I had moved into our house, and I sat with him at the breakfast table starting to cry because I was upset that I no longer felt the excitement and "magic" of birthdays. I didn't care that I was turning 27, I was just depressed that, for the first time ever, I wasn't excited about my birthday.
• 28 - At my current school, my team decorated my classroom, made me a beautiful card, and took me to lunch. A lovely day. 
• 29 - Same team surprised me with hysterical cards as I repeated how it was my last year in my 20s. They took me out to lunch, and we had a wonderful time together.

If I take a moment, I'm in awe as to how blessed I am in EVERY aspect of my life:

• I don't just have shelter. I have a home I love and can afford. 
• I don't just live with a friend. I have a life partner who accepts me as I am completely, and loves me, unconditionally without reservation, who is honest with me, makes me laugh...hard...respects me, guides me, teaches me, and pushes me to become a better me. 
• I'm not taking any prescription medication that my life depends on to function. I'm completely healthy. 
• I'm not just educated, I hold a Bachelor's and Master's degree. 
• I don't just have a job. I have a career that I'm good at, that I was trained for, that I enjoy, and get paid to do. You can't have a better situation than that. 
• I not only have a car, but I drive THE car I wanted. 
• My parents are alive, healthy, and still happily married for almost 40 years. They're also totally supportive of my partner's and my relationship.
• My siblings are happily married, healthy, and proud parents of great kids. 
• I don't just have money, but I'm in a financially manageable position that will be improving greatly very soon.
• I don't just have friends, I have BEST friends who love me, encourage me, and support me in everything I am and do. 
• I don't just speak English, I also speak Spanish, know Sign Language, and have excellent spelling and grammar skills.
• I don't just have colleagues, but colleagues that feel like family. 
• I don't just have bosses, but I have leaders who treat me with respect, dignity, and are always there to support me.
• I don't just have kids, but I have the best dogs I've ever had. 

I could go on and on, but it's now going to be 10pm, and I should've been in bed about 30 minutes ago.

Thank you God for each and every blessing that surrounds me on a daily basis! I know I don't deserve my blessings, but the depths of my gratitude are unending! I really look at everything that's part of my life, and know I've done nothing to deserve any of it.

Thank you parents and siblings for pushing me, loving me, and teaching me how to get to the successful life I live today.

Thank you, friends, who laugh at my stupid jokes, especially the irreverent ones, for forgiving me when I make mistakes that hurt you, and for letting me be me.

I want to name names of people who have been very important in this decade of my life, but if I do that, I'll be here even longer when I should really be in bed.

If you're reading this, and you know me personally somehow, thank you for being in my life and making it worthwhile.

*sigh* Okay, 30s. Here we go.

I have a (stupid) problem that's all in my head

My partner Frank went to the University of Texas at Austin and is therefore a Longhorn. My brother and some other extended family are Longhorns. My mentor in college who changed my life in helping me start my career is a Longhorn. I live in Austin, home of the Longhorns. Cars everywhere (including Frank's) are adorned with chrome Longhorn emblems. Our home address (and other neightbors' addresses) are painted in burnt orange on driveway entrance with the Longhorn logo in white. We have a MASSIVE Bevo stuffed animal that we won at Dave & Busters (an adult Chuck E. Cheese). Frank owns several Longhorn polo shirts and t-shirts.We have Longhorn decor inside our home. Frank's car also has a UT license plate frame, and tire caps.

Here's my problem. I never attended UT, and in my mind, I can't buy myself any merchandise supporting a university I never attended, much less never graduated from.

*sigh* I know it's no big deal. There are plenty of people all decked out in their UT glory, and they'll do it for one, some, or all of the following reasons:

1. They graduated from UT.
2. They're hardcore college football fans and are die-hard UT supporters.
3. Someone they know goes or went there.
4. They support UT's programs.
5. Anything else that gives them an excuse to buy UT merchandise.

In my mind, I can't personally connect to UT unless I'm a student or alumnus of the university. I've been to college. I attended Texas A&M International University (Dustdevils) in Laredo, my hometown. From there, I was determined to apply and be accepted to UT for my Master's, and got rejected, so I ended up at and graduated from Texas State University (Bobcats - aka Southwest Texas State University). After finishing, I wanted to pursue my Ph.D. at UT, and got rejected again. I believe I could've been accepted to UT as an undergrad, but I elected to stay at home because it would be much less expensive, plus my mentor taught there, and I wanted to stay with him. I don't regret that decision. I'm proud of my education from TAMIU.

But I long to be a Longhorn, an official Longhorn.

The only way for me to conform to my mind's issue is to apply and be accepted to UT to earn another degree, but I already have my Bachelor's and Master's, so all that's left is my Ph.D., and UT Ph.D. programs are EXTREMELY competitive. You stand a much greater chance of being accepted if you're already a UT student, than if you've never been there before. I know which program I'd like to apply for (Music and Human Learning), but I'm not in the position right now to pursue the most difficult degree out there. Not to mention, I probably don't possess the maturity or commitment required of such a demanding program. So I start thinking to myself, Should I get another Bachelor's or Master's degree? If I get another graduate degree, I'd have to take the GRE again...which. I. loathe...and take enough time to brush up on all kinds of things the School of Music would test me on. I know I'm too lazy to commit myself to that...right now, at least.

I've been reminded that since we are season ticket holders to the UT Performing Arts events, I have every reason to buy myself Longhorn merchandise, but to me, it's not the same.

I yearn to be an official Longhorn, especially since I've been denied the opportunity twice.

It's one of my greatest dreams to be a UT student, and hold a diploma from this reputable institution, one that claims "What starts here changes the world." I could be on campus somewhere, walking through and see all the students with backpacks, knowing they're students, and I think to myself, What do they have that I don't?

I've been telling Frank that I want the Ph.D. because it's the highest degree one can earn, and if earned from UT, then your degree has that much more weight (that's just how I see it). I know that if you want a Ph.D. just so you can be addressed as "Dr. So-and-so," that's probably the worst reason to earn one. However, what I'm starting to realize is that I don't just want to have those 3 letters after my name on an e-mail signature or business card. It would be awesome to hold that degree from there, but I just genuinely want to be accepted to UT.

What made this harder to deal with is that since the Ph.D. is the last degree I'd be interested in earning, I refuse to go out of state to earn it. In Texas, I've checked, and without relocating, UT is the closest and ONLY university that offers a Ph.D. in my chosen field...THE ONLY ONE.

I own TAMIU and Texas State merchandise, and I wear and use them with great pride...because I went and graduated from there. I have a TAMIU license plate frame, a Texas Sate Alumni license plate frame, a chrome Bobcat on my car, a TAMIU and Texas State polo and t-shirt, and I still have my old student IDs. Both of my diplomas are proudly framed in my room with their respective pennants right beside them.

But now I feel stuck. I even spoke to my mom about this, and in my current career, teaching elementary music, I'm making the most money I can make since I have a Master's. Earning a Ph.D. would NOT increase my salary at all, so there's no financial incentive. However, Frank's also reminded me that earning a Ph.D or another Bachelor's or Master's could give me different career opportunities as well.

It's such a stupid thing that resides in my mind. And the worst part is that I can't seem to get around it. It feels like I HAVE to be a UT student to truly connect with this city, and all the burnt orange glory that surrounds me daily.

All that being said, "HOOK 'EM!"

Stop it. NOW!

I'm going to warn you that though I try to refrain from using obscenities in my blog, this post will have plenty. What will I discuss? How ANOTHER gay teen has killed himself because of bullying. In this post, I will get political, religious, snarky, rude, and dirty. If you're fine with that, keep reading. If not, close the window reading this quote from Lady Gaga who responded to the boy's suicide:


"Bullying should be illegal. It's a hate crime."

I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher, and I'm openly gay to family, friends, and colleagues. I draw the line with my students. Still, I can't help but wonder what will happen to my 5th graders, especially the boys? What will they be like? How will they treat others different than them? Will they run away in fear and ignorance, or will they stand up for someone bullied and help to stop it? Will they be bullied themselves?

Last year, the nation's attention was given to a crisis in gay teen suicides. This got a hail storm of commentary from progressives and conservatives alike. Last year, we lost plenty of gay teens at such a young age, and I'm sure there were plenty more whose deaths didn't reach the media spotlight the way others' deaths did. Well, it has happened again. Yes, again. What. the. FUCK?! Have we learned NOTHING from last year? Yes, I know Dan Savage created the It Gets Better project, which is a godsend in social issues and suicide prevention. The Trevor Project exists for this very purpose, to prevent a gay kid from taking his or her life!

When I reflect on all this, there are so many things that come to my mind. So many things I want to say, so many people I want to tell off, so many judgments I make about others who SUPPORT anti-gay sentiments.

I remember reading an article about some fucking asshole in the Tea Party who actually said that gay bullying was "healthy peer pressure." What the fuck is this asshole smoking? I guess I better beat up his fat white ass and tell him it's good for him!

Will I put blame on people? Yes, in fact I will. I blame "Christians." I blame socially conservative politicians. If you vote Republican, you have a hand in this too. If you support conservative politicians, they fight against laws that would make life easier for us gay people...let me rephrase that - laws that would make us EQUALS to those hypocritical fuckers! They lecture the rest of us on the importance of ethics and morality while they're on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. Then they have the balls to tell us that gay people getting married will destroy the sanctity of marriage. Sorry, asshole, but you've done that already when you divorced your first wife and cheated on her with a prostitute!

I just want someone to explain to me why if you claim to love God, and chances are that Jamey's bullies came from conservative families (and conservative families typically have strong religious backgrounds), WHY AND HOW COULD YOU PUSH SOMEONE TO COMMIT SUICIDE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! If you drive someone to suicide, you do realize that the person taking their own life is someone's son or daughter, right? You get that, don't you? Your treatment of that human being was so grotesque and hurtful, that they could NOT cope and felt that death was a better option than facing you. How can you be so cruel and heartless?! This kind of thing is beyond my comprehension!

"Well, in the Bible it says..." Bull-fucking-shit! You use the Bible to justify all your hatred and prejudice. Get a fucking dictionary, and find a Biblical scholar and learn about the context in which all that was written. You wanna quote Leviticus? Fine. If you keep reading, unless you're not formally educated enough to read all those big words, you'd also see how it also bans eating seafood (shellfish) and playing football (pig skin)! Hell, you heteros aren't even allowed to touch a woman when she's on her period!

"Well, St. Paul said this in his letter..." Wait. Was he God? NO! He was a human being just like you. Back then, they knew NOTHING about what we know now regarding sexuality! Hell, even back then, some Greek men were fucking each other. Romans did it too!

To me, the most important part of the Bible is the gospels, you know, where Jesus is actually quoted. And nowhere...NOWHERE does he ever mention homosexuality. He never condemns it. The closest he ever comes, to condemning anything, in fact, is when that adulteress cries at his feet, and when she says that no one has condemned her, he says, "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now, and sin no more." Look it up. It's there.

I dare you...I *DARE* YOU to bully someone with Jesus right next to you. Oh wait...if you consider yourself a Christian, then you already believe that God is everywhere, and lives within us, right? So when you BULLY someone, you're DIRECTLY. HURTING. GOD!

So many of you Christians are so fucking backwards in your thinking! You treat this religion like it's some sort of elite club and you can be all exclusive and stay away from all the sinners. News flash: YOU'RE A SINNER TOO! And when you BULLY, YOU'RE SINNING! BULLYING IS A SIN because you're HURTING someone else! This automatically violates the whole Golden Rule that Jesus himself mentioned about loving others as yourself. And then you have the balls to tell your victim that THEY are going to hell? What the fucking fuck is wrong with YOU? You're a HYPOCRITE!

Every slur, every insult, every joke is another stab to the chest. When you bully, you're sending a message that your victim's existence is not welcome in your world. And you know what? Your victim had no control over their own birth. So why do you have to hate on them? WHY? What good does it bring about? You're not making anything better, only worse.

To anyone out there who's been a bully to someone else for any reason:

FUCK. YOU.

I will NOT lose my voice

Over the years, especially since coming out, I've been criticized a few times for being very "out there" and "in-your-face" about all kinds of things, but mostly about letting people know I'm gay, and being extremely outspoken about my opinions and beliefs.

"Why do you always have to bring it up?"
"Why are you imposing your opinions on us?"
"It seems like you're out to change people's minds."
"Can you give it a rest or tone it down?"
"You're always posting something gay on Facebook. Would you please stop? I'm tired of seeing it." 

These are some of the critical questions that have been asked of me over the years. So let me answer each question.

"Why do you always have to bring it up?" Because I live with it. It's part of my daily life, and I HATE being one of the many who fears holding hands with my partner in public, the way boyfriends and girlfriends do, because someone may want to attack me for it. Silence = death. I will bring it up over and over until I can live my life as fearlessly and freely as you do. 

"Why are you imposing your opinions on us?" Because people like you tell people like me that our relationships are invalid, that we're "intrinsically disordered," (Catholic Church) that we're going to hell, that it's a sin, that we can "pray the gay away," and just about every other demoralizing opinion and judgment that you shove down our throats. Have YOU ever sat in a church and listened to the pastor attack people like you? Have you ever sat in a confessional where the priest won't even finish your confession time because he doesn't know how to handle you? Because that's happened to me. Also there's a difference: your opinions hurt. Mine are just inconvenient for you.

"It seems like you're out to change people's minds." I am. I'm an educator. Too many people out there are misinformed by other ignorant people with big microphones. Educators look for the facts and share them because our job is to turn ignorance into awareness. A few days ago, my students didn't know what the National Anthem was. Now, not only do they know it, but they know the history behind it. It's easier to remain in your beliefs and cling to them than sit down and challenge their validity.

"Can you give it a rest or tone it down?" No! As long as I'm labeled as a "barbarian" (Michele Bachmann's husband called us that), and other such petty insults I refuse to "tone it down." If anything all the hate that's out there needs to be toned down and given a rest!

"You're always posting something gay on Facebook. Would you please stop? I'm tired of seeing it." No, I will NOT lose my voice. There are soldiers in the trenches dying to defend our rights. The least I can do is exercise them! I'm a 2nd class citizen in my own state because I'm denied over 1,000 rights and benefits simply because I can't marry the person I love. I will post and post and post. If you don't like it, hide my posts or unfriend me. I don't care. But do NOT ask me to censure myself when every post I share is intended to expose facts and truth about the daily ordeals people like me face. If you don't want to see it, then block me, hide me, or disconnect from me. I'd rather you turn your head than have you cover my mouth.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. One of the greatest hypocrisies in this country is how we tell everyone to be themselves. We preach it, especially to our adolescent youth, and when they do, they can risk being bullied for it. As a result, I'll be loud and relentless.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

"All that's necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke

One shirt, one message, TONS of reactions

Nowadays, we use t-shirts as forms of communicating something, complete with messages and even graphics. Shirts' messages can be short and sweet, inspiring, funny, serious, provocative, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, or make other pop culture references that will elicit a giggle to passers-by who glance at the shirt someone is wearing. And usually the more clever they are, the more consumer interest they earn.

Being an elementary teacher, I've come across plenty of shirts that say cute, silly things. Others say more questionable things that make me wonder why the parent bought the child the shirt in the first place.

Of all the ones I've seen of questionable taste, 2 come to mind very strongly:

1. "This is what trouble looks like." (with an arrow pointing up at the child's face)

And so far, most controversial of all, and the reason behind this post:

2. "I'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me."
http://j.mp/rdEWMM

This 2nd shirt has caused a HUGE reaction among consumer parents. I've found I have different reactions to it as well, with each reaction coming from a different perspective.

As a consumer: "That's a stupid shirt. Who'd wanna buy that?"
As a teacher: "How DARE they?!"
As a male feminist: "Dear God, they're sending the WRONG message to girls!"
As a teacher witnessing parents' behaviors: "If a child is wearing it, it says more about the parent than the child."

In this capitalistic society we live in, where you can make money on just about anything, we as consumers have the right to decide if we want to buy anything or not. If you don't like a product, don't buy it. It's a t-shirt with what was clearly intended to be a silly, (cute?), sassy message, nevertheless, a message that has the strong potential to convey to girls that being beautiful and smart are mutually exclusive.

It also adds fuel to the flame of the pop culture in reality TV of people who behave abhorrently in certain social situations. These TV shows depict people in some of the most mindless and immature dramatic situations. In these shows, girls are more interested in how they look, and use that to advance in their world.  

Forget school, forget starting a career. I need to look like a badass. Watch me as I buy new clothes, party, drink and pass out,  fight with my roommates, and divulge my feelings on camera where I badmouth those around me...and then act like we're really besties.  

These people are put on camera, sent into our living rooms, and glorified. It's my belief that many Americans who watch shows like Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of [Wherever], Bridezillas and other such reality shows do so because they want to feel better about themselves by watching others act so stupidly. I'm basing my judgments on these shows on clips I've seen of each. I have no interest of investing any of my time in watching even a single episode from start to finish...because it'd only upset me. I'd be annoyed, embarrassed and disappointed knowing that TV producers know that Americans are entertained by such mindless, stupid TV.

The one show I haven't seen, even clips of, is Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I can give the K sisters credit in their support for LGBT rights, and I know they're very fashionable and rich, considering that Kim's wedding cost a reported $3 million (heard that on the radio). But I've never seen even a clip...only pictures on magazine covers. And all 3 sisters posed in the international NOH8 photo shoot campaign.

I know it's only one girl, but she was my former student who was very opinionated...about everything, was slightly proud of her streak of getting into trouble, and one of her idols was Kim Kardashian. She was also in 5th grade, now she's in 6th. At this age, and these are the things on her mind? It worries me as an educator.

Since Snooki is a household name now, I wonder what she and her Jersey Shore cast mates would think about this JCPenney t-shirt? Would they say, "Omg, this is SO CUTE!" Or would they respond harshly to it?

I'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me.

Because of the immediate, intense reactions that consumers had and discussed in their blogs online and elsewhere, JCPenney immediately pulled the shirt from its inventory and discontinued it. They also issued a statement of apology reaffirming their commitment to consumers to put out high quality merchandise that serves to benefit society in style and fashion.

This whole thing really affirms the expression "You are what you wear."

Everything's bigger in Texas...even our morons.

I don't know how I was, but someone added me to an open Facebook group called "You know your from Texas when...", (http://j.mp/rdOpdW) and the "your" was spelled incorrectly in the title. Obviously, such groups are supposed to poke harmless fun that inspires pride in living in said area. So of course, I read a few posts, chuckled at some of them while nodding in acknowledgment of the truth of the statement posted. In an attempt to come up with my own contribution to the group, I thought about what I wanted to say. And then it hit me. I looked at the title of the group and noticed how "you're" was misspelled. The group creator should've used "you're," the contraction that puts "you" and "are" together, but instead it had "your" which is a possessive pronoun (e.g., "your car," "your house," "your life" etc.). Once I saw the error, I posted the following: "...when you don't notice or care that you used the wrong 'you're' in the group's title." This was just yesterday, and I've received plenty of Likes on it. Upon receiving notifications of other posts in the group, I noticed I wasn't the only one posting about the group title's error. Now when I go back, there are people who are asking those complaining about it to leave the group...which I did yesterday. What upset me more than the spelling/grammar error I saw in the title (and some in other posts as well), was the sheer apathy about good grammar and spelling. There was even one guy who was ignorant enough to say things like (I'm NOT quoting verbatim) "This is how we talk in Texas....I'm from Texas, and I'm proud of my heritage." This particular person even went as far as to call another "grammar policeman" a "fucking faggot" for being critical...because, you know, good grammar and sexuality have so much in common.

Oh, and as for the whole "This is how we talk in Texas" remark, yes, it's true, but put your talk in writing, and you reveal your intelligence. But it reminded me of something else. A common contraction in Texas is putting "you" and "all" together to say "y'all," and yet there are SO many people who write it as "ya'll." How does one split up a single world that can't be split up?

As irritated as these things can make me, this post is not just about the mistakes that are commonly made in writing, but about the seemingly proud display of apathy and ignorance with regard to these types of things. Here we Texans are claiming that Texas is the #1 state in the union, but if that was the case, then we'd have the lowest unemployment rate in the country, no one would be living below the poverty line, we'd have the lowest abortion rate, the least amount of uninsured people, and we wouldn't be close to the bottom percentile in education and drop-out rates.

One comment I saw in defense of the grammar mistake was "This is FACEBOOK, not high school or college!" Though that is true, it makes me think of 2 things:

1. Actually, we learn these particular rules of grammar in elementary school, not in high school or college...because we should really have them down by then.
2. Why do we even go to school for years? Why do we take all the subjects in school that we take? Why do we get grades for our assignments?

School exists to prepare us for the real world. School is to help us prepare for joining the global economy and contributing to society. We learn to represent ourselves well so an employer will hire us (in most cases), enabling us to support ourselves and our world. We're taught how everything works in this world. We learn how "its" and "it's" are different, and when to use each. We learn that the earth revolves around the sun. We learn that Beethoven went deaf and still managed to compose the "Ode to Joy." We learn the fundamental economic law of supply and demand. We learn how to find x in math equations that will benefit us in various real life situations, and much, MUCH more! And when we show others our own ignorance and apathy about our education, essentially dismissing it, we pretty much say "Screw you!" to our teachers. Being a teacher myself, I take offense to it, and will speak out when compelled to do so.

I guess it's not that bad that there were such big cuts into education, because if certain people's apathy about their own is any indication, all the funding we lost probably wasn't doing us much good anyway. 

Spending fast reflections

My last update on my fast was in either late June or early July. Can't remember. Anyway, the whole goal of the fast is to reduce my consumer debt (primarily on my credit cards) by only buying stuff I need. We're now in mid-August, and the things I've WANTED haven't been many. But all together, they'd probably cost a few hundred bucks. Maybe even $1,000 or so. At least, that's my guestimation. I guess I just thought I'd save more money. But I honestly had no way of measuring my savings. I think the only way I could've measured it would be to want something, resist buying it, and record the price it cost, and then over time, watch the total cost increase.

Stuff I've wanted and HAVEN'T bought:
-Katy Perry's album "Teenage Dream"
-Lady Gaga's album "Born This Way"
-All of GLEE's soundtracks after the Showstoppers volume
-Wii video games (Glee Karaoke Revolution, Rockband, other musical games)
-more khaki shorts (I only own 2 pairs) and other clothes I've wanted
-DVD releases (which kinda doesn't matter since I have Netflix)
-more theater outings (we've been to about 5 this year)
-minor cosmetic vehicle repairs
-2 more digital HD antennae for a couple TVs in my house
-more restaurant outings (I've eaten just fine at home, but I miss going out, though I know this has saved me a LOT of money this year)
-more games or other paid apps for my iPhone
-university (UT and Texas State) accessories for myself or my car
-more charitable donations

That's just what I can think of now off the top of my head.

In my last post about my fast, I'd mentioned that I may have to extend my fast into next year. If I do that, it may evolve into a spending diet. But one thing I'm looking forward to is that I expect my IRS refund will either pay off my car, or knock it down enough to pay it off sooner than next June. Having my car paid off means I can use that money to pay down credit card debt, which then gives me a little more flexibility each month.

The greatest irony is that though I've limited myself on what I want to buy, I still use my credit card for important, necessary purchases, and the most expensive is gas (if I drive a lot), and car maintenance. It makes me feel like my consumer resistance is getting canceled out with vehicular needs, therefore voiding virtually any impact on my fast. So that feels discouraging. However, the truth is that the fast has kept my balances from being unmanageably high, and that in itself is *a* goal, just not the goal I intended to achieve...which was watching my credit card debt *decrease*, which hasn't happened. Instead, it's increased because it's been used to pay for necessities that I didn't have enough cash to cover.

Let's see what the next few months bring.

It's BOTH your fault!

Dear Republicans and Democrats:

I heard y'all were blaming each other for our S&P credit rating downgrade from AAA to AA+. I'm disappointed, but not surprised you're blaming each other.

To the ALL the Democrats:
Have the courage to stand up for what you believe in. Nothing about this deal was "balanced". I heard both Reps and Dems giving speeches to the press about how it should be a balanced, bipartisan proposal. I'm sorry, but your actions have proven all that to be complete and utter bullshit. For cryin' out loud, Boehner himself said he got about 98% of everything he wanted. I even saw other Reps claiming the bill was a Republican victory. *shakes his head* It should NOT have been a Republican victory. It should NOT have been a Democratic victory (though THAT would've been good), it should've been an AMERICAN victory, and though we haven't defaulted...yet...it was a complete fiasco.

Mr. President, how could you? How could you cave to all the Republicans' demands? You're so much smarter than all of them, and we elected you into office to help change - or at least stop - their irresponsible ways! Hold them accountable! Voters need to see what their representatives and senators are doing to the American people during their time in office. When it's time to re-elect you, you still have my support, because right now, I see you as the least of all the evils in the government.

To ALL Republicans:
Obama was willing to compromise, and offered a lot of things that many Democrats, including myself, hold dear to the way our country works. In fact, the President took a lot of heat from his own party because of what he was willing to sacrifice. He stated, over and over, how it had to be a shared sacrifice. One of the things he wanted from you all was just to close tax loop holes that the wealthiest Americans use, and you couldn't even let go of that? How dare you! I don't give a shit if you like or loathe Obama's points of view in politics. Representatives on your side, including Boehner, all reiterated what Obama said about how it must be a "balanced approach" that you had to "put politics aside" and "work together". Tell me now, did you actually do any of that? Because the way it seems to me is that you didn't compromise at all.

Also, Republicans, are you all aware of your incredible levels of hypocrisy? How many of you conservatives consider yourselves Christians? Do you attend church services regularly or cling to your Bible, interpreting it literally? Because if you did, then all the countless times you've given tax cuts to the wealthy, and leave the middle and lower classes to pay the bill, you're pretty much spitting in Jesus' face. As much as it bothers me that you give wealthy people all these tax breaks, it bothers me more that you claim to be Christians in the process. You insist in keeping corporate and billionaire taxes low so they can hire people and create jobs, because a tax hike will kill their jobs creating potential. The law for taxes should be pure and simple: The more you make, the more you pay. So you just keep on giving them more and more money claiming that with it, they'll hire people. Well, let's look at the unemployment rating. It's still pretty high, right? Yeah, what like 9.2%? You know why it's still that high? It's at least partly because of the tax cuts you're giving all these wealthy people and corporations who DON'T NEED THEM!

Economics 101: Supply and Demand. A business flourishes when it has both. And right now, you've only been giving them supply. They can't hire if they have no one who wants to buy (demand)! I used to be an independent businessman with Mary Kay Cosmetics. I would've loved to have hired a secretary to take my calls, arrange my parties, etc., but there's no way I could've afforded that because I didn't have enough income from customers. I was a small business. You could've given ME a tax cut, but it wouldn't have served any purpose because I didn't have enough people wanting to buy my products. So, when economists advise you all on the economy,that's because it's their area of expertise, and they know what they're talking about. You all are politicians and law makers, not economists. The millions and billions of dollars you've been giving to the wealthiest should've gone to the middle class and poorest people. They need the money to spend! They'd go out and shop, and with increased consumer activity, businesses would have been more inclined to hire more people.

Further, during the debt ceiling crisis, Obama wanted to close the tax loop holes because, in all honesty, the richest don't NEED an extra jet, or another house on a deserted island. It's OUR national debt problem. We ALL have to give a little. We ALL are Americans in this country, and it's OUR job to protect our great nation from going bankrupt. But the message you sent to the wealthiest was that they are better than the middle and lower classes of citizens. You sent them the message that equality doesn't apply to them. You treat them like Super-Americans. I wouldn't be surprised if you gave them more money so they could make enough campaign contributions to support you keeping your elected position...which they probably bought for you.

Despite my being extremely livid with both of you right now, I'll still side with Democrats, because I believe that despite all these shenanigans, they're the lesser of 2 evils.

As a voter, tax payer, and natural-born American, I'm extremely disappointed with all of you, even you, Mr. President! All of you, especially Republicans, need to be held accountable for your sins against the American people.

My response to Perry's

Our Governor Rick Perry, has a big prayer event happening this Saturday (tomorrow) in Houston  at the Reliant Stadium that has gained national attention. His event is called "The Response", and despite the claims that it's supposed to be an apolitical gathering of Christians asking God for guidance in a time of national crisis, it has church-and-state-combo written all over it.

He wanted to be as "inclusive" as possible because he decided to invite all of the 49 other US governors to attend. And they all declined except for Sam Brownback (R-Kansas). I remember Brownback during the 2008 election. I'm honestly not surprised he RSVPd his attendance. He's extremely right-wing, very socially conservative, and would probably support, along with Perry, doing something like putting a Federal Marriage Amendment into the US Constitution to semi-permanently eliminate marriage equality or ALL Americans. And yes, Perry has voiced his support for the FMA (Bush Jr. actually was gunning for it during his presidency, but it didn't happen since Cheney's daughter was a lesbian).

Anyway, Perry clearly chose the Reliant Stadium (I'm making an educated guess here), because of its 71,000 person capacity. How many people have RSVPd to attend? Around 1/10th that amount. Yeah.

The other thing that bothers me is that though it's supposed to be a prayer event, it's primarily for Christians, and though other non-Christian people are invited to attend, they're encouraged to convert to Christianity. Can we say "exclusive"?

Based on my experience with such Christians, it's an event that'll probably be loaded with lots of Scripture readings, praise and worship music, inspiring talks, and so forth. If every attendee, assuming they're all Christians, brings their Bible to this event, hell, if every attendee strives to follow the Bible to the letter, then they're already making several mistakes, and this op-ed article in the Austin American-Statesman (@statesman) explains exactly what's wrong with this picture: http://j.mp/pL0jaf

As for me and my faith, I consider myself a progressive Catholic. I go to Mass regularly, I pray like others do, have my own intentions to pray for, and follow some of the Church's teachings (I say "some" because I believe some of the church's teachings and traditions are too conservative for today's world). Anyway, all that being said, I can play devil's advocate and acknowledge that the intentions behind this event are good*.

*I think the Christians attending the event want to see good come to the nation through the power of God, as omnipotent as all Christians believe him to be. But when you listen to certain pastors, like John Hagee (he's attending) who calls MY church the "whore of Babylon", then you're probably easily misguided, can't think for yourself, won't challenge authority to get to the real truth, dismiss facts, and want to turn our country into a theocracy, having religion...er...Christianity...run the government. 

The hypocrisy behind wanting to have a Christians-only USA is that our Constitution GUARANTEES freedom of religion for all American citizens. Look it up. There's an app for the US Constitution, and in the 1st of the first 10 Amendments, aka the Bill of Rights, it clearly states that anyone can practice any faith in this country. Not only that, the people who push for Christianity to take over the nation usually claim that, as much as they love the Bible and stick to it literally usually also look to the Constitution in an attempt to get back to basics to help return America to its fundamental roots. Well, the intention is fine, if you like fiction. If you want America to get back to its fundamental roots, then we'd ALL have to leave and let the Native Americans have their country back. After all, they were here first.

Moreover, those who "love" the Constitution only want to love parts of it that best support their ideologies. They want to do with the Constitution what they already do with the Bible. They'll quote Bible to tell us that being gay is a sin, according to Leviticus, and therefore so is marriage equality. But read a few more passages down in the same book, then we can't eat shellfish, wear clothing with mixed fabric, handle pigskin (there goes football), work on Sundays, and so forth. But no, people love to eat their seafood, they probably seldom look at the fabrics of which their clothing is made (unless they're allergic to something), they will NOT give up Sunday night football (because there's nothing gay about men tackling each other for a ball...and this was total sarcasm, by the way), and plenty of people work on Sundays, whether for a job or doing yard work or cleaning their home, etc.

I don't know whether to call this irony or hypocrisy. It's probably both! These are the kinds of people, the people who think this way (granted, I probably did exaggerate a little...but probably not by much) that are more than likely to attend "The Response". I would even expect them to think of the name of this event as a conservative, concerned American response to the Obama administration's management of the country.

Well, the event's happening. A few thousand people will show up, pray, sing, probably discuss certain conservative struggles like New York's newly-established marriage equality, and how they can reverse it or ban it in even more states. I'm very sure this will come up, especially since the American Family Association is sponsoring this over-hyped event. And they've been known as a hate-group for a while, particularly with LGBT equality.

I'd go, as a Catholic, except for a few reasons: I believe in the separation of church and state, it's too far a drive, and I don't have the gas money, I'm a Democrat who can't stand Perry or the AFA, and I don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of people who would tell me I'm going to hell because I happen to be gay...and that I can't be gay and Catholic. Well, you shouldn't be Christian and judge, but that isn't stopping you is it?

Yeah. I didn't think so.

"That's so ______!"

Some have used the phrase "That's so gay" intending for the word "gay" to mean "dumb", "stupid" or anything derogatory when one dislikes or is critical about something or someone. But just like comedienne Wanda Sykes says in this ad, it's insulting!

Have you used this phrase before? Have you called something "gay" when you really meant it was dumb, stupid, or anything like that? If you have said this phrase, why did you? Peer pressure? Homophobia? Is everything stupid "gay"?

If we apply the current mainstream definition of "gay" to the little chef statue mocked in this ad, then I'm curious: What is so homosexual about the statue?

If we apply the original definition of "gay" to the statue, then I can agree that the statue appears happy...ecstatic even.

Here are other ways this phrase can be used:

"That's so blond."
"That's so jock."
"That's so nerdy."

They sound ridiculous, don't they? And the list of substitution possibilities becomes endless.

So really, why use that word? What does it accomplish? It helps desensitize the majority from a minority's real plight.

When you speak this way, do you realize what you say? Do you realize whom you're hurting?

Knock it off.

My spending fast...6 months later

Do you make resolutions each year? Most...well...some people do. The bigger question is, how disciplined are you to actually follow through with it? That's the whole point of a New Year's resolution. You resolve to change, start, or stop a behavior or activity. Whatever it might be, our culture temporarily glorifies resolutions.

Common resolutions are health related.

Speaking for myself, I'm 29, and I can't remember the last resolution I made. If I did make one in years past, I'm sure I didn't keep it. This year, though, is different. I made a resolution, and I've forced myself to keep it. My resolution was to go on a spending fast.

It all started with following my financial institution - Randolph-Brooks Federal Credit Union - on Twitter (@RBFCU). The very kind and informative RBFCU rep who tweets for them posted a tweet about a woman who went on a "spending fast" where she spent the entire year buying only necessities. She denied herself outings to the movies, cable TV, eating out, and other wants. By the end of the year, she had saved herself thousands of dollars, and tremendously reduced her consumer debt.

That inspired me to do the same thing. It is VERY easy for me to justify frivolous purchases. I'm a teacher, and if my teaching pay didn't last me the entire month, I'd end up charging all kinds of things. My credit card debt is higher than it's ever been. Right now the best part of it is that I can still pay my monthly card payments.

So, as inspired as I was about that other lady going on her spending fast, I resolved to do the same. I pay 5 regular bills each month:

-mortgage
-car
-student loan
-cell phone
-credit card

The money left over is for gas and groceries (primarily), and other necessities that may arise, like car maintenance, etc.

But my fasting hasn't stopped there. I've gone a step further and have tried to limit how much I drive. If there's a trip I really don't need to take, I shouldn't go. The more I drive, the more gas I use. The more gas I use, the more frequently I have to fill up. The more frequently I fill up, the less money I have to last me through the month. The less money I have, the more my chances increase of having to use the credit card which increases my debt which defeats the very purpose of this resolution! I've extremely restricted myself in eating out, especially fast food. The only time I'll do it is if I NEED to eat something, and I have no time to stop at a grocery store, or go home to eat. That's happened maybe 2-5 times. I don't really know. I haven't kept count.

So.

It's now July 6th. Being a teacher, I'm on summer vacation. I'm spending a LOT of time at home maintaining the house and yards, taking care of our dogs, watching Ellen Show reruns, watching Whoopi, Joy, Sherri, Elisabeth, and Barbara share their opinions on The View, and refreshing Twitter and Facebook constantly. Oh, and blogging. Yes, I'm reading, too. A little.

Honestly, it's been a day-by-day event. I have no way of calculating how much money I've saved through this spending fast, but I can tell you this much: I've missed 3 concerts I really, REALLY wanted to go to (Michael Bublé, Katy Perry, and Lady Gaga), I've refrained from buying movies, music (especially all the new Glee albums, Katy Perry's and Lady Gaga's new albums, and several other things). It's not fun, like, at all. I've had to tell myself "no" many times this year, and it's not over yet. In fact, I'm thinking of extending the fast into next year, too.

There were 2 credit cards on which I owed BIG balances, and in an attempt to save money on interest, I've transferred BOTH balances to another card with a high enough limit that also had a balance transfer promotion at 0% APR until March 2012.

This fast is literally one financial decision after another.

So, I'm now more than 6 months into this resolution. I don't know how much money I've saved, but I have to keep going. I'm intent upon keeping my resolution.

The most exciting thing is that next summer my car will be paid off. Once it is, I'll use that money to pay off other debts.

One thing's for sure: Christmas is probably gonna suck this year.

*sigh* I've come this far disciplining myself financially this year. Six more months to go.

Shut up and do it!

We all have our inner demons. One of mine is following through with plans I come up with. In my case, I struggle most with having a goal in mind, having done all the prep work to make it happen, and then all that's left is the leg work to achieve the goal. And that is where laziness sets in and takes over.

For instance, as of May 2010-June 2011, I was an Independent Beauty Consultant for Mary Kay cosmetics. I had signed up to be one because a very good friend of mine has been selling MK products and making a killing. She was frequently informing me about how much money she had made, and went on and on about all the successes she was having with her business. She's been with MK for over 3 years, and naturally, has built a decent clientelle.

Attracted to the opportunity in making extra money, I very curiously and open-mindedly signed up to sell what I still believe are among the highest quality cosmetics and skin care products available (for women and men). The most ideal way to make the money is to hold skin care classes. These are "parties" and you get a hostess to host the party (class) in her home. The guests attend, and they get a free facial with high quality products, and pretty much get to give themselves a make over with all the samples available. Hopefully, one of the attendees will want to host a party as well and invite more friends, and the growth of the business blossoms from there.

When it comes to sales, I'm very shy. I don't like convincing people to buy things. I think the problem I have with doing that is that I'm a marketer's dream client; I'm easily sold. I don't know how to say "no" very easily when being sold something, so consequently, I want to make it easy for a customer to tell me "no". It was my hope that I'd tell people I sold MK products, I'd give out cards, and send them catalogs, and the orders would come in just like that.

I was wrong.

It didn't work that way for me. So, I had an idea...buy a bunch of business cards, and walk around my neighborhood placing them in door hinges. This way, when neighbors would get home, they'd see the card, get interested, and a party would be setup for hosting where I could make some money.

What did I do instead? I bought the cards, and kept telling myself, "I'll go on such-and-such-day, distribute cards, and just wait for e-mails for phone calls from prospective customers." Yeah, that never happened. I got lazy, I got shy, and so nothing ever came of it. The cards ended up sitting in their little stack on my desk in my room.

All that being said, I no longer work for Mary Kay. I don't think I'm the type of person suited for direct sales.

I'm facing a similar internal predicament with piano lessons. Frank helped me put together my ad for lessons. It lists my credentials well, including my Bachelor and Master's degrees, my Kodály certification, my years of piano experience, etc. I even went to a local music store and bought 4 lesson books: 2 for kids, and 2 for adults. All I need to do now is make copies of the flier, distribute them, and start scheduling lessons with interested prospective students.

I feel like, aside from the basic leg work I have to do in promoting the lessons, my only concern is that if parents want their kid to perform in a recital, where would the recital be? I have no clue, right now. My initial guess would be in a local school. Frank has even suggested I contact the schools that are close by to see if the music directors know of any students who want lessons, and that way I can start building my studio that way, by networking with the local music teachers. Have I done that?

No.

Why not?

Because I'm...scared?

Shy?

Embarassed?

I just need to put my money where my mouth is to accomplish my goals. It's the biggest hurdle I need to jump. I need to stop talking about plans if I have no intention of putting them into action. I am my own worst enemy.

How to HELP save and create American jobs

Obama can only do so much in this department. He's one man, and we're the millions of people who elected him to office. Regardless of your political preferences, he calls on us all to help make our country better.

To quote John F. Kennedy, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

The solution is actually pretty easy, but there's some sacrifice involved. I was watching a major newscast, and what I took from it was that if everybody spent $3.33 per year on products that were American-made, we'd create 10,000 jobs. Granted, we need MILLIONS of jobs to help our economy recover to where it was years ago, so, if everyone spent MORE than $3.33, and did it regularly in the course of a year, think of how many jobs we could create this way!

Part of the sacrifice is that Americans LOVE cheap deals, and frankly, that's why major corporations like Walmart exist and turn a profit every quarter. How do they keep their prices so low? Yes, they have American citizens working in their stores, but where do the products sold come from? Where are they made? Chances are, they're not made in America. Most of the time, we find products that are made in Asian countries (India, China, Japan, Taiwan, the Philippines, Korea, Thailand, etc.). These massive corporations are able to keep their prices low enough for Americans to buy because the products we buy for so little are made overseas where the corporation pays VERY, VERY LITTLE for the labor to produce the merchandise. Since they save money on overseas labor, they can cut the prices dramatically for consumers. In Walmart's case, consumers might "save money" and "live better", but it's at the expense of more and more jobless Americans.

I went to Target recently to get a few toiletries I needed, among them being toothpaste. Being among the aforementioned deal-seeking Americans, I went for the toothpaste I found to be the least expensive: Colgate. I picked up the box and looked at all its labeling. To my disappointment, I found it was Made in Mexico. I put it back and looked for another toothpaste at the same price I wanted. I found the price matched by an Arm & Hammer toothpaste. I checked the box, and BINGO: Made in USA. My purchase supported a company that creates its products in America. In short, my money went to my country.

This is just one small example in helping our economy recover. There's another way, but it gets more political.

In America, being a capitalist country, corporations are permitted to do whatever they want to make a profit. Corporations are so protective of their profits that they make major political contributions to make sure that laws get passed to prevent the government from regulating corporations. Without business regulations, they can do whatever they want, even if it's at the expense of the American people. And which of our two major political parties supports deregulating businesses? Republicans. The ironic part is that the Republicans are so bent on patriotism, nationalism, and loving our country. Anything that goes against their beliefs can be quickly dismissed as being "un-American".

If you oppose regulating businesses, like most (if not all) Republicans do, then you're telling major corporations they can make their massive profits at the expense of American jobs. I don't know about you, but to me, that is "un-American". For every low priced item we find, celebrating the money we saved, we're giving someone else in a different country the money, and we're telling the corporation to keep doing its thing.

Of course, if you're a regular at Walmart, I'm not saying to stop shopping there, but at the very least, make sure the products you purchase are made in America, and do your best to avoid products that aren't. After all, the most American thing we can do is support businesses run by Americans that make products for Americans that are made by Americans. That's part of the meaning of "united" in "United States of America".

Sick of Rick

In case you can't tell by the title of this blog, I'm talking about Texas' Republican Governor, Rick Perry.

I. can't. stand. him.

And I have several reasons as to why I can't stand him.

1. He's a Republican, and I usually disagree with Republican politics on very fundamental levels. I do have some friends and family members who also are registered Republicans, and a few of them have told me that once I get older, I'll probalby switch parties. Yeah, I don't see that happening. At the very least, Republicans aren't too keen on equal rights for gay people, and I was "born this way", baby. I may as well be a vegetarian NRA member. It's not gonna happen.

2. He called a special session for the Texas legislature, and while the Senate and House have been hard at work taking on and voting on all the bills they didn't get to vote on BEFORE the special session, he's been going around the country promoting his book and flirting with the idea of running for president.

3. He's a hypocrite. While he's been going around the country, a stack of bills, 1,170 to be exact, have been waiting for him on his desk, and he vetoed 23 of them. One of the vetoed bills was the "texting-while-driving" bill, making it illegal for people to text and drive. Despite the fact that there has been study after study proving that texting and driving is WORSE than drunk driving, Perry vetoed it. That just plain upset me and many other common sense voters. What put me over the edge, though, was his reason for vetoing the bill. He said that it "micromanages adult behavior". Really? REALLY?! Of ALL reasons that's the one with which you justify your veto? The hypocrisy in the justification alone is almost tangible! If that's the case, then:

-the sonogram bill shouldn't have passed.
-the gay marriage ban and DOMA shouldn't have passed.
-the sodomy law should never have existed.
-the voter ID bill shouldn't have passed (if it did...I can't remember its status).
-seatbelt and drunk driving laws shouldn't have passed.

The list goes on.

4. While I admit I don't know the status of the voter ID bill, the way it works is that it's supposed to prevent "voter fraud" at the polls. How does it prevent voter fraud? Certain demographics of voters will be required to show special forms of ID to be able to vote. The people who're given these additional obstacles are those who tend to vote Democratic. The people who are exempt from the bill are those who are either licensed gun owners or the elderly. In other words, those who can still vote easily are those who typically vote Republican. In my opinion, this bill is a very subtle form of rigging elections. "Voter fraud". *rolls his eyes*

5. Perry is flirting with the presidency. *throws up in his mouth a little* The whole country has already witnessed one Republican Texas Governor run the country. And we had to deal with it for 8 years. Eight. long. years. By the way, this trillion dollar deficit is sponsored in part by the Bush Administration. "Let's not raise ANY taxes to pay for stuff. Instead, let's borrow the money and give TONS of money to the wealthiest Americans. It's called 'Reaganomics' and it works!" It works? Really? Then explain how during Reagan's and both Bush's presidencies we had deficits, and during Clinton's administration we had a surplus? Where did all that money go, by the way?

6. He doesn't care about teachers. When the State of Texas started panicking about the $27 billion budget deficit, he was quoted in the media as being unaware of the whole education problem with budget cuts, claiming he had nothing to do with them, essentially washing his hands of dealing with the problem.

7. When Obama was elected president, Perry led the charge to get Texas to secede from the Union. How could a governor who wanted his state to secede from Union be interested in running the United States of America?

There was another reason I dislike Perry that I was going to list, but I can't remember what it was.

I hope he doesn't run for presidency. And if he does, I sure hope he doesn't win. I'm tired of this man, especially because of how he's been running his State lately.

Love yourself and others as I have loved you

I had originally intended to write separate posts: one on comparing the plight of the X-Men for social acceptance, and one about Fathers' Day. Since we're so close to Fathers' Day (it's tomorrow), I can combine my post to discuss both topics, and they actually fit together pretty well.

Frank and I went to go see X-Men: First Class the other day at the movie theater. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. This is the 4th X-Men movie that has been released (X-Men, X-Men 2: X-Men United, X-Men: Origins, X-Men: First Class). I think this last one is the best one so far. It's a prequel to all the others, but in it, you learn how Professor X gets paralyzed, you learn how Magneto became so evil, and how he got his helmet, you learn how Beast turned blue, and so many other things. The story was intensely good. So suspenseful with excellent visual effects, I'd be ready to watch it again, and I don't say that about many movies.

Anyway, a common theme in these movies is how these characters struggle for acceptance, both within themselves, as well as from society. We learn through these movies that in the history of science, genetic mutation has enabled certain species to evolve in specific ways. Charles Darwin's theory of natural selection plays a role here: the idea of survival of the fittest. But one thing I love about these stories is that through no fault of their own, each character has been blessed (or cursed) with a specific genetic mutation in their DNA. This mutation gives them a special, "super human" ability. It makes them unique and sets them apart from other people. The characters' powers range from any of the following: telepathy (hearing others' thoughts), telekinesis (moving objects with your mind), flight, super fast healing, ice production, weather control, controlling metal, shape-shifting, etc.

In the first couple of movies, the X-Men are adults. They've accepted themselves and their gifts. Accepting their gifts is enough of a struggle, because it's something in them that they may wish they didn't have, as it has the potential of forcing themselves to self-ostracize from "normal" people and enjoying a "normal" life. Since normal human beings, who may either be family or friends, may not understand the gift brought by their own genetic mutation, the "mutant" ends up suffering from closed minds, closed hearts, and a loss of everything they once held dear to them. Their families shut them out because they can't handle how their child has changed, and they feel powerless to do anything about it. The families also shut out their kids for fear of what others might think about their family. We see this in the Harry Potter stories as well. Harry didn't ask to be a wizard. He was passed down the ability from his parents. After they died, he lived with his uncle and aunt, who treated him as if he was sub-human. But he went to Hogwarts where he met new friends and enemies who were just like him, and learned to control his powers.

In the X-Men movies, Professor X learns of where the new mutants are, finds them, and helps them to love themselves exactly as they are. He shows them how their ability benefits everyone, fostering the idea of community and team work in everything they do together. Their gift isn't something to be ashamed of, but rather something to be celebrated. They're a diverse group of people. They celebrate diversity. They learn to love themselves and love each other even when their own families might turn away in horror. They go as far as to lobby for mutant rights in the legislature, and are inevitably met with plenty of opposition attempting to demonize them.

The parallelism between the X-Men and the gay community is almost tangible. We're who we are through no choice of our own. It's cheesy, but to quote Lady Gaga, we were "born this way". Those who oppressed wizards, mutants, and gays insist it's a choice. Really, the only choices we make are either to deny or accept it, and to hide it or share it with others.

A HUGE part of this journey for self-love and acceptance is the role parents play in our lives. Their thoughts and actions help dictate our destinies in deciding how we see ourselves. I have gay friends who've been shut out from their families. For others, their families are involved in PFLAG (Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays). For those gays who were unfortunate enough to have a family cut them off, they may entertain the thought of suicide, because if their own parents won't love them, who will?

My coming out story is extremely positive. I'm saturated in blessings. And a lot of how I view myself and others is based on a few words my father once told me. I love this man dearly, and he loves me just as I am. He probably knew I was gay (or was turning out gay) when I told him how much I loved Celine Dion when I was 14. I remember he and I had developed a strong relationship during my teen years and early 20s. Before I came out officially 10 years ago, I remember labeling myself in high school as "bicurious". I was attracted to both boys and girls during high school, but I didn't think of myself as bisexual because my feelings seemed to constantly be evolving. I remember when I told him I was confused, he said, and I'm quoting verbatim, "Enjoy your confusion." Wow. I was floored. Most parents would probably not be as calm and collected as he was. Some parents don't want to talk about it. Others go as far as to insist it's a phase, and even recommend therapy to "cure" their child. He didn't tell me any of that. He essentially told me to let it out and have fun with it. He encouraged me to explore my feelings and to learn from them.

Four years later, in 2000, after graduating from high school, my graduation gift was to join him on a pilgrimage to Rome to see the Pope. I was so excited to do this because I had already been to Italy twice with my family, once in 1994, and again in 1995. So this chance to go again and see the POPE was a HUGE gift. I told him that one of the reasons I wanted to go was because I wanted God to tell me who I was (I was still bicurious...and hated it by now). Without missing a beat, he responded, and I quote verbatim again, "Don't ask God to tell you who you are; ask God to help you accept whoever he wants you to be." Again, I was floored. Why couldn't more coming-of-age kids have this man as their father? How was I so blessed as to have this man?

Upon returning from the pilgrimage to Rome, I had started college, still very confused, but coming closer to the realization that I was probably gay. It wasn't until the spring semester of my freshman year in college that I finally knew for sure I was. I knew, and I had accepted it. I told Dad, and he responded "Love and respect yourself and others, and be the best person you can be of whoever God made you to be." (This answer I don't remember verbatim, unfortunately.) I'm extremely lucky. I know this. I've known this for years. My father is a learned, compassionate, humane person. He's touched the lives of many.

Dad has been my teacher, friend, confidant, supporter, fan, and so many other things. He's my dad. A lot of who I am today is because of how he's loved me. He helped me get over my fear of thunder. He gave me an appreciation for toilet humor. He made me fall in love with Chopin's piano pieces. He's challenged me to make my lyrics in my songs better every time. He's calmed my fears and applauded my achievements. He scolded me when I made BIG mistakes, and praised me when I had done the right thing. He reminds me of the importance of enjoying life rather than worrying about its challenges.

I'm beyond confident that if any of the X-Men mutants had my parents in their lives, they wouldn't be afraid of who they are. My parents loving me and accepting me as I am has been fundamental in helping me to live the life I have today: I own a nice, comfortable home with a partner who also loves me as I am. I've found a career that fits me perfectly, both professionally and personally. I can speak 3 languages, and as a result have a very diverse circle of friends. The blessings of my life are founded on my parents' love and acceptance of me. It doesn't matter that I'll never have a wife, and may never give them grandchildren. I'm successful, I'm safe, I'm healthy, and happy...and I owe it all to them.

To anyone whose parents don't match the description of mine, find someone who'll love you unconditionally, especially if there are things about you that others fear or don't understand. Take a lesson from these fictional mutants, the X-Men.

Don't ask God to tell you who you are; ask God to help you accept whoever he wants you to be.
-My dad

The importance of coming out

We live in America where enshrined in our 2 founding documents (Declaration of Independence and Constitution) are the affirmations that all men are created equal and endowed with inalienable rights, among them being life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The 14th amendment to the US Constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Our Pledge of Allegiance mentions that we live in a country, united, under God, with liberty and justice for all.

All that being said, why do so many people immigrate to the US? Because here, the people, NOT the government, rule. We're the Land of the Free, the Home of the Brave, as stated in our National Anthem, and yet not everyone is treated as equals. We have an upper, middle, and lower class that is distinguished primarily by income. Even individual cities differ in appearance depending on where you live in that city.

Since we live in a democratic country, we vote on what laws we want passed and enforced. Many of the past votes have been votes for civil rights. Women and African-Americans were only allowed to vote relatively recently. At one point, interracial marriages were banned. So many minorities have fought for their rights in this country. If we truly live up to the statements in our Anthem, our Constitution, and the Declaration, America would indeed be the best country in the world. But if you want to make it the best country, you need to vote for the laws to make that happen. We live in the 21st century now, and we still manage to maintain our petty differences between each other. It's these stupid differences and our prejudices against them that hold our country back from fully embracing itself as the country our founding documents declare it to be. So how do we move our country forward?

Most of the time, in the case of the gay community, we're faced with such tremendous adversity because of the irrational fears prejudiced straight people have about our community. Those citizens who've never met any gay person will likely adopt the notion that we're out to "recruit" others to be gay, that we're taking over the world, that we're corrupting the innocent, and other such nonsense. Because they have these pre-disposed fears (which the media can sometimes foster, as well as evangelical preachers who may not personally know any gay people), those ignorant to the real plight of gay people want to "protect" themselves by supporting laws that enforce discrimination against us. They also justify their hatred and prejudice with Biblical texts, anything to make them feel like they're in the right, and we're in the wrong. And it's easy to do all that, especially when the gays are far away from you. You don't know any personally, so you can judge and hate all you want guilt-free...

...unless...

...you meet one of us. All these fears, prejudices, and anti-gay sentiments that can ultimately manifest themselves in gross acts of hate could eventually dissipate once a homophobic person meets a homosexual person. Then 3 things can happen:

1. Gay people are no longer far away from you on a trashy daytime TV talk show, they're someone you know personally.
2. You get to know them and realize they're not so bad, in fact, they're same person they always have been.
3. This revelation can change your thinking because you learn they're not scary, but they're normal, everyday people who want and need all the same things you do.

Once you've met one, ask yourself, "Do I really want this person to be bashed, called names, and treated unfairly?" The answer is probably "No". And yet, we're bashed, called names, and treated unfairly every. single. day.

Coming out (revealing to yourself and/or others that you're gay) is a process that varies with each person who needs to do so. For some, it's incredibly easy. For others, it can be a lifelong challenge. For me, once I knew for sure, I came out and liberated myself from what could've been a lifetime of lies. I even remember the exact date I came out: March 12, 2001. This one action on any gay person's part can change their lives and those of others for the better. It's an extremely powerful moment. It liberates you, it unburdens you, and it follows through with what we teach our children everywhere: Be yourself.

If every gay person who was still closeted came out, more bigoted, ignorant, intolerant, and closed-minded people would be less afraid of what really is not the threat they believe it to be. They'd realize that the sky won't fall down, the world won't end, no marriages will be jeopardized (unless that marriage consists of a closeted gay person). And speaking of that, the danger of staying in the closet is that those who enter into heterosexual marriages in hopes of changing their orientation will ultimately do more harm than good to all parties involved in the long run. But they enter into these marriage masquerades because they fear what their family or friends may do if they come out. If the closeted homosexual was to come out BEFORE getting married, then the marriage wouldn't have to end in divorce, simultaneously adding to the current divorce rate. Especially in the marriage that has children between the couple, what kind of message does the parent send to the child when they reveal the truth about themselves after spending years living a lie? The child watches their parent suffer from a marriage that doesn't bring out the best in everyone, but instead weighs down heavily on the personal misery the closeted person carries.

It's simple hatred, ignorance, intolerance, bigotry, prejudice, and active anti-gay discrimination that scares gay people away from coming out and truly being and loving themselves as God made them. Instead, you get a mass-communicated message from people in power attempting to demonize us into subhuman beings...people who have no feelings, no emotions, no heart, no morals, no talents, no thoughts, no voice, NOTHING that affirms our God-given humanity! When we're depicted this way, it's no wonder that ignorant homophobes have no problem bashing or killing gay people; they've become desensitized from acknowledging our common humanity!

I remember once being in graduate school and seeing an event invitation about blue caps. The idea was that if you were or knew someone who was gay, wear a blue cap all day. The purpose of this action was to provide visual proof of how close we all are to gay people. And if we know that many, why are we denying them their rights and privileges? Why are we mistreating them?

I've been asked a few times about why gay people have gay pride parades. "What's the point?" people ask me. "Straight people don't have straight pride parades, so why do you have gay pride parades?" Good question with a simple answer. Gay people are underdogs. We face injustice, prejudice, discrimination, hate-based violence, ignorance, and so many other evils, and none of it by choice. We're beaten down, bashed, even killed for being who we are. These parades are statements on behalf of our community confirming pride in our individuality in the face of our daily adversities. I can compare it to the characters on the hit TV show GLEE. In just about every episode, the characters are attacked with slushies to the face. What do these victimized characters do to deserve this treatment? They love to sing, dance, and perform; they're being who they are. Each performance they give is like another gay pride parade. Gay pride parades exist because homophobia exists. Gay pride parades are events of solidarity among the gay community in an effort to combat and end homophobia. The more straight people who support and attend gay events, the less homophobia will have a chance of surviving.

To any fellow family members reading this, I hope you come out sooner than later. Granted, it's your choice when to do it, or to do it at all. The more of us who show themselves to the world, the sooner we can all make this place a better, happier, safer, more loving world.

As long as one person is oppressed, no one is free.