The essential profession

I took two personal days from work to do some professional development I've wanted to do for a long time. I went to the middle school into which my elementary school feeds, and spent an entire day with the band director, and the choir director. My professional goal was to get an understanding of what a typical day as a secondary band/choir director looks like, and what former students go through after I've had them for a few years.

All I can say is that I'm SO glad I took those days to see what I saw. I went there expecting raging hormones, backtalk, and some strict, hardcore classroom management, even possibly discipline.

Instead, I saw on-task kids, respect for the directors, having fun in class, doing their best to meet the director's expectations, and frequent positive reinforcement from directors seeing exactly what they wanted from their students.

On a legal pad, I took notes from everything I knew could be useful in my own teaching. And then I started writing reflections, thoughts based on how I felt after witnessing what I did. I'm so grateful to my feeding directors for allowing me to spend a day with them.

Like I said, the main reason for going was to better vertically align my curriculum to better prepare my 5th graders for middle school, whether they decide to join band or choir. At the elementary level, I teach choir as an after-school club that welcomes 3rd-5th graders. So doing that can give - especially the 5th graders - a taste of what choir is like in middle school. Except in middle school, they compete and get trophies, and have to impress judges. While I can definitely prepare kids for choir through a weekly choir "club" that culminates in a public concert, my preparing them for band involves using recorders. Yep..."Hot Cross Buns" and all that jazz.

Sidenote: I actually saw real hot cross buns at a local grocery store, and of course I had to buy them. I'll never buy them again. They were nasty. They had ginger, and I really dislike ginger. Blech!

At the elementary level, they're learning to become musically literate. But the lessons I teach, 45 minutes in length, consist of giving them a kinesthetic, aural, or visual experience to teach a new musical element, then we play a game for funsies, and then they practice reading, writing, and improvising with elements they've already learned. At the middle school level, it's about 50 minutes of solid practice. The "fun" is in meeting the challenge, and in making music itself. There are no games the way there are in elementary school.Their directors actually made practice fun.

Aside from all the wonderful things I witnessed, I had a special moment that nearly made me cry. During the choir director's planning/conference period, the band director came into the choir room to do a sectional rehearsal with the upper brass section (trumpets, cornets, French horns, etc.). A couple of my former students were in this group, and I had a good relationship with one of them. This particular kid played the trumpet, and when he was in 5th grade last year, he was learning recorder like all the rest. He sat down to the director's far right in the front row. There was an empty seat next to him, so I requested permission from the director to join his ensemble, which he granted. I sat right next to him, and he was thrilled.

As I sat with him, the director made some really fun things happen. While the director made some really boring activities seem militarily fun, he had the choir director's electronic keyboard at his disposal, so he used it to give some synthesized drum beats as the horns practiced their notes. As I sat next to my former student, rarely did he ever look at me. He was always watching the director, his trumpet, or his lesson book. He raised his hand at every opportunity to play anything the director requested. I just sat there, watching him scrutinizing the book, completely engaged and serious about his success. At one moment, he saw the double bar lines at the end of an exercise. He pointed to them and looked at me.
"What do the double bar lines mean?" he asked.
"What did they mean when you played recorder with me last year?" I replied.
"That it's the end?" he concluded.
I nodded. 
At this point, the director saw he had his hand up. The director acknowledged him, publicly praised him for seeking out answers on his own, and reminded the class that many of their basic answers are found in the book they were using.

I couldn't have been prouder of this kid. In that brief moment, in his time of uncertainty that led to conclusion, it was as if I was there in spirit, in the back of his mind, and he was there trying to figure out the answer to his own question. He had left my guidance, and had a new teacher to continue his growth where he had left off with me. The big difference, though, was that I was physically there, right next to him, ready and willing to support his learning.

It was powerful, inspiring, and so humbling!

Particularly after experiencing this, the old statements I've heard for years in education returned to my mind: "It's all about the children," and "They are the future." For years I'd heard these statements, and for the first time, I fully understood them. 

When children are given chances to perform in school, that exposes them to the stage, to rehearsal, to performance, to applause, to pride in themselves, and a sense of accomplishment. It's a cycle. Give children a program of some kind, whether Christmas or Veterans' Day or whatever. Give them songs to sing, teach them how to stand on risers, how to watch the director, how to get on and off the stage. Then give them an instrument, and have them join an ensemble where everyone else is learning and making mistakes as they get used to something new that is the next step up after what they've already done. Give them a goal to reach, and coach them along the way to reach it. Give them a chance to shine through a solo opportunity, and watch that self-confidence build. Teach them to relish in compliments, and accept constructive criticism, to learn from it.

Though my argument is biased towards the performing arts, this applies to all types of professions. Children want to become scientists, veterinarians, doctors, mechanics, and engineers through exposure to the sciences and math. They want to become authors through exposure to literature and language arts. They want to be historians or soldiers when exposed to social studies. They'll want to become artists, dancers, actors, musicians through exposure to the fine arts. They'll want to become business owners when exposed to math, social studies, economics, and taught to use them to learn to make money.

My point in listing all these professions is that they all begin with one thing: learning something from a teacher. And this brings me to the whole point of this post, a quote from David Haselkorn:

Teaching is the essential profession, the one that makes all professions possible.

Oppressive freedom

As long as anyone is oppressed, no one is free. -Unknown 

With the presidential election looming in just a few short weeks, there's a lot of talk, and a lot of hypocrisy going around.

I'm going to get right to the point here.

Too many people believe America is a Christian nation.

It isn't. And this is coming from someone born and raised Catholic: to have any laws passed reflecting religious beliefs is unconstitutional. How? Well, read the 1st amendment of the Bill of Rights:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

There you have it. As much as you want to claim that America is a Christian nation it's not; it's just that Christianity is the predominant religion practiced here. Remember that the people who founded our country came here fleeing religious persecution. They came here, in part, because where they were from, you had to worship a certain way, and if you didn't, you were screwed. Here, they made sure that no one had to worship the way the government told them to. You could worship anyway you wanted to, or not at all. The 1st amendment gives us freedom of religion, not to protect religion from government, but to protect government from religion. The government, through this amendment, cannot impose religious beliefs on the country.

So, that being said, when you have crazy social conservatives who want laws passed that reflect their religious beliefs, they're becoming the very obstruction to freedom the founding fathers opposed.  They're using religion to oppress others, and when non-religious people protest them, religious people hypocritically claim their religious freedoms are being violated when, in fact, it is they who are violating others' freedoms by wanting laws passed that align with their religious beliefs, thereby imposing them on others, hence oppressing anyone who doesn't subscribe to their faith.

Take bullying for example. When anti-bullying legislation had been considered being put into law in several states, it was religious people who protested it saying their religious freedoms were being violated. They claimed THEY were victimized through this legislation because they thought such legislation would prevent them from expressing their beliefs towards others in the event of a disagreement over a hot topic issue. It could've been a Christian student harassing a Muslim student. More than likely, it could've been a Christian student harassing a gay student.

Jews can't eat pork. Mormons cannot consume caffeine or alcohol. Catholics are to abstain from eating meat on Fridays during Lent. All of these are beliefs each individual faith practices, and yet, we have no laws from either of them being passed forcing others to live the way they do. Southern Baptists baptize new members through full-body immersion while Catholics baptize with simply pouring holy water over the baby's head. Neither practice is being legislated.

Given all these examples, WHY are these same religious group protesting anti-gay bullying, or marriage equality? Whatever happened to "live, and let live"? If you want someone to believe the way you do, invite them to a church service. If they're not interested, respect that. Everyone's journey of faith is different, and should be respected.

You can't support religious freedom unless you support ALL TYPES of religious freedom, including freedom FROM religion. 

I'm going to conclude this post with two different quotes, both of which I saw on Facebook, one wittily funny, one irreverently funny:

Being against gay marriage because of your religion is like being angry at someone eating a doughnut because you're on a diet. 

Religion is like having a penis; it's okay to have one, it's okay to be proud of it, but there's no need to display it in public, or shove it down other people's throats. 

A short, non-partisan, polite, political rant

Besides my mind being saturated in music education, being gay has caused me to be saturated in and follow politics closely. Being gay is only a small part of me, but it affects MANY aspects of my life. Here are 2 of those aspects:

Because I'm gay, I can be fired from my job; there is no employment protection for gay people in many states, including Texas.

Because I'm gay, I can't legally marry the one person I want to marry. Back in 2005, Texas became one of many to put discrimination into the state constitution, passing an amendment that turned me into a 2nd class citizen, stripping me of one of my basic civil rights, which, in turn, affected many other protections and benefits I could've automatically received had I just gotten a marriage license.

Consequently, I've had to hire an attorney to grant me and my 6-year partner a small handful of rights a marriage license automatically grants, like hospital visitation rights, medical power of attorney, and financial power of attorney, and it cost us almost $1,000. So I am now passionate about politics, because unlike church laws and teachings, I actually have a say in politics -- it's called a vote. Politicians have the power to make and change laws, and because laws have been passed that have made me unequal under the law, I keep a close eye on politicians, because I don't want them passing laws that hurt my well-being.

All that being said...

I can understand why many people don't care to follow politics; they feel there's no point, that politicians are just crooks, only in it for money or publicity, they can be bought. It doesn't help that politics can get childish, messy, and so on. Despite the negatives of politics, we need to pay attention to what's going on. We need to learn who's running, and what they support and oppose, because the people in office sponsor and pass laws that affect your daily life and/or the lives of those around you. This is why it's so important to vote, regardless of whether or not you think your vote "counts", you have the right to do it, so EXERCISE IT! If you don't like the job the elected official has done, you have no right to complain if you didn't exercise your right to vote.

Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. -The Boondock Saints

#NowPlaying: My CSO - "Good Life"

OneRepublic's (1R) song "Good Life" has been on repeat in my head lately. When I'm in my car, listening to the radio, if this song comes up, the volume goes up with it. I look ahead onto the road as if looking at a camera in my own music video. Don't worry, I've still yet to have gotten into an accident (God forbid).

The main element that caught my attention with this song was the percussion at the beginning. It feels very driven, almost tribal, and anthem-like. It reminds me of the percussiveness in Adele's "Rolling in the Deep". Songs with percussion like this have a direct connection to my heart, mind, and soul. I come alive. I become contemplative. I think of my life, the lives of others, where we are in time and place, I think about human civilization, and how so many are privileged, and how just as many, if not more, are disadvantaged. A whirlwind of thoughts come through my mind as I connect to the rhythm of such music.

I haven't written a Current Song Obsession (CSO) post lately because though there have been many songs, this one has truly been on repeat lately, and up until now, I was wondering when I'd write my next post in this series which I informally launched with the song "Get It Right" from the TV show GLEE, a song, I feel, very accurately describes my life, my thoughts, and frequently, my actions.

Anyway, back to 1R. Initially, when I listen to songs, I try to find the message in the lyrics, if there happens to be any message. Many times the lyrics can be interpreted at face value. Other times, they may be more metaphorical. It's always up to the songwriter, and what they want to say.

That being said, upon first hearing the song, and particularly the chorus, I thought it was a very spiritual message, an uplifting one, particularly about overcoming some kind of adversity. After watching this lyrics video below, I had to re-evaluate my conclusion of the song's meaning. Did it even have a message? Was it a story? My new conclusion is that in this song, singer Ryan Tedder is describing the success of his band, and how they've traveled throughout the world, but fully enjoying the ride that came with their band's success. Their success has rewarded them with a "good, good life".

As a pop song lover, one of my favorite types of songs are those that teach lessons or tell stories. The lesson could be in a single line of the song, it could be the entire song itself, or anything in between. Many times, if a song has a lesson to teach, the lesson is highlighted just before the chorus is repeated, therefore giving the song a little more impact in its chorus, where much of the emotion of songs are located, and of course, the chorus of a song is where the title is usually found.

When you're happy like a fool
You let it take you over. 
When everything is out, 
You gotta take it in.

I'm of the opinion that this song, at its core, is a message of finding the good in life. Whether you're traveling, missing friends or family, making sacrifices that keep you out of contact with loved ones, there's good that's always surrounding you. And if you can, you need be aware of it, and "you let it take you over", and then share it with others when you get the chance.

When you live a good life, you can get more out of it when you share the joy it gives you with others, which, in turn, makes everyone's life a little better. 

 

Corpus Christi

I anticipate that soon there will be a big media storm (unless it's already going) over a movie that's to be released soon. It's a movie called Corpus Christi based on a play by the same name by Terence McNally, in which Jesus is portrayed as a gay man, and the movie is set in 1950s Corpus Christi, TX.

*GASP*

Why should such a play make everyone so nervous and filled with homophobia all of a sudden? Were you there in Jesus' time? Even if we go on the Bible, it's never mentioned whether or not Jesus was in a relationship with anyone, except his 12 disciples. We know he taught them through parables the teachings we try to live by to this day, and then later, we know that Judas betrays Jesus with a kiss. We don't know if it was a kiss on the lips or cheek, it was just a "kiss". According to the Bible, Judas didn't shake Jesus' hand, pat him on the back, or hug him to identify him for the Roman soldiers, he kissed him.

Many Christians probably loathe the idea of Jesus being depicted as gay. But, for the sake of argument, what if he was? Would it make a difference? If so, how? Would God love his son any less if Jesus was gay? Isn't God's love unconditional? Isn't Jesus' love for us unconditional?

All this movie/play does is portray Jesus in a way that no one has openly or publicly done. This simply challenges our deeply embedded image of him as one of total purity and asexuality (no sexual attraction at all) because our churches don't discuss it, and neither does the Bible. Instead, Christian churches, through their frequent anti-gay stances, maintain and uphold the following portrayal of Jesus: healer, teacher, miracle worker.

I'm pretty sure that when you ask some Christians how they feel about gay people, you'll get a mixed reaction either support or opposition. But if you were to have a discussion about Jesus possibly being gay, it'd suddenly be blasphemous and repulsive. But, why should it be blasphemous and repulsive?

I remember first learning about this play, Corpus Christi, and a church whose services I occasionally attend recently hosted a production. I didn't go because I couldn't afford it at the time. But I'm curious to see Jesus in a different portrayal than the exclusive one we've all learned over the years. I'll admit that when I first heard about this play, I was initially bothered by it. But after giving it careful thought, I drew my own conclusion: If Jesus loves us no matter who we are, what sins we've committed, etc., why should our love for him be any different? How is portraying him as gay blasphemous?

Because it is! It's mockery and repulsive blasphemy to imply that Jesus and his followers were gay! 

Do you have gay friends or family members?

Yes.

Does it bother you that they're gay, or do you love them just the same?

No, it doesn't bother me.

But it bothers you to think of Jesus as gay?

Yes! 

Why?

Because he wasn't!   

How do you know he wasn't? Were you there? Does the Bible discuss anything about any sexual relationship he could've had?

No. 

It seems to me that the very idea of Jesus being sexual with anyone in general is what's an upsetting thought to Christians (but thinking of him as gay is even more upsetting because we're taking the most beloved icon in human history and juxtaposing him with one of the most controversial issues of the human condition). Think of him as a sexual being like anyone of us, and Christians start to squirm; think of him as a homosexual, and Christians, even those who support gay people, will cover their ears yelling "LALALALALALALA!" This is because we just want to think of him as the kid born of a virgin, being found in the temple preaching to elders, teaching them, and then we fast-forward to his 30s where he acquired his disciples, challenged religious leaders, forgave sinners, and performed miracles (wedding at Cana, multiplication of loaves and fishes, curing lepers, the blind, the deaf, walking on water, calming the storms, raising Lazarus from the dead, exorcising demons from fellow citizens, and most famously, rising from the dead and ascending into heaven). There are over 20 years of his life the Bible doesn't discuss. What happened in those years? 

Do I think Jesus was gay? *shrugs* I have no clue. I think it'd be cool if he was. But that's my whole point: whether he was or wasn't, what does it matter? He died. He rose. Christians expect him to come again and judge the living and the dead. He loves us. We love him. And as long as there's love in a relationship with Jesus Christ, nothing else matters.

I'll help you pack

In an historic vote, the US Supreme Court upheld the controversial Affordable Care Act - aka Obamacare - and some people *ahem* conservatives are pissed. In fact, many conservatives have decided that they're going to move to Canada. (#4 is my personal favorite)

There's only one problem: Canada has free, government-run health care. That's single-payer health care where the government pays for everyone's health care through raising taxes on everyone. And you know what? That's what I want too. I dread going to the doctor because I know I'll have to pay an expensive co-pay. I hope I'll never have to go to the ER because I'll have to shell out money I don't care to spend. But if I have my taxes raised a little more, and I get FREE HEALTH CARE, I'm TOTALLY cool with that.

I can't remember who said this, but the quote goes: "I love taxes. I pay them, and I get civilization in return." Amen.

In all honesty, am I thrilled about how the ACA works? Yes, and no. When it was being legislated, *I* was pissed that there was no public option...because I wanted a public option! That's the primary reason I'm not completely thrilled about it. But do I support Obamacare? ABSOLUTELY! We're already required, by law, to have car insurance. What's wrong with being required to have health insurance?

So, like I said, if the ACA had offered a public option, I probably wouldn't even worry about going with an insurance company. But what kind of healthcare to do I really want? Single-payer health care. I want Canada's health care. In fact, many industrialized countries have it. And they're fine. We're the only industrialized country that doesn't have single-payer health care. Why is that? And the countries with universal health care are not communist. In fact, there are FEW communist countries still in existence, Cuba and China being among them.

So, if you want to move to Canada, I'm only a little jealous, but despite my jealousy, I'll help you pack. Why would I be jealous? Well, for the free health care for one. But also, Frank and I can have our 6-year relationship recognized there too. There, I could legally call him my husband.

Besides, we have yet to witness all the good things the ACA offers. A lot of it won't be implemented until Obama's 2nd term, assuming he gets it. 

To love another person is to see the face of God

My post title is a line from a song from the classic Broadway play Les Misérables.

I'm well-aware that when I post on Facebook or on my blog here, I'm posting on hot topic issues, primarily marriage equality. On Facebook, I see pictures with captions that support what I believe, and I (probably) annoyingly share them on my profile in an attempt to expose and educate.

Everyone sees the world through a different lens, based on whatever their life experiences include, and many times, some people may feel as though their lens is the one true view of the world, and they defend their world perception with tremendous passion and emotion, potentially alienating others who disagree with their particular perception. Standing for something can definitely indicate what kind of person you are, your character. And one's character can easily be exposed by how one approaches and deals with others who view the world from their own lens, also insisting that their view is the correct one.

I see the world through the eyes of someone who deals with discrimination daily. I see and experience injustice first hand. I'm not in the majority. I'm part of 2 minorities in that I'm Hispanic and gay. I've known people who are members of even MORE minorities. I once met a man, when I was in college (over 8 years ago), who was Hispanic, highly hearing impaired, blind, gay, and even HIV+. The only other way I could see him be more of a minority is if he had also been a little person.

Because I see the world through the eyes of one who's a subject of daily discrimination, it teaches me to empathize with other people, to be able to walk a mile in their shoes and see life through their eyes.

That being said, here's the challenge:

If you know someone who opposes your views, and is as stubborn about being educated in your view point as you are about being educated in theirs, how do you deal with that? Do you just let the sparks fly in friction of potentially inevitable heated debate? Or despite the fundamental disagreements, do you look at that person and still do what Jesus taught us to do and love that person anyway, even when you each hold irreconcilable view points?

In today's political climate, we have 2 major political parties, and each one believes in their heart of hearts that their beliefs are the right ones. So what happens? You have 2 sides arguing and arguing, and slinging mud at each other, trying to expose each other's lies, half-truths, misinformation, etc. One side paints the other as being bigoted, while the other side paints the other as being immoral, and so the mud-slinging continues, seemingly without end. Then one side will use Scripture to justify and support their beliefs, and then the other side will use it to counter the opposition's beliefs.

A relative brought to my attention that when I post as much as I do on Facebook, I'm taking part in the mud slinging. After careful reflection, I've realized I am. I've also, upon reflection, realized that as much as I try to maintain that I'm trying to expose hypocrisy (by being a "digital activist"), I've failed to recognize my own. I cannot claim to be follower of Christ if I'm yelling in judgment at those who disagree with my view of the world. That's not love. That's hate and intolerance, something I actually would like to fight to eradicate. But I can't help rid the world of intolerance when I'm practicing it myself.

A few weeks ago, Frank and I had the privilege to see Les Misérables through Broadway Across America. It's our favorite musical. I love the music, and he loves the story, and he essentially aspires to be like the main charactor, Jean Valjean, a man who truly and completely embodies Christ-like behavior in his actions. He starts off in the story as a criminal, robs a priest who gives him food and shelter, but when the priest covers for him against the authorities, Valjean becomes converted and vows to live a righteous life. His vow puts him in very difficult situations in which he is faced with difficult dilemmas whose options lie in self-interest, or selflessness. And each time, he chooses selflessness in remembering to honor his vow to God, to lead a righteous life. When I listen to the soundtrack, and when I saw the play, there was one line in a song that struck me:

"To love another person is to see the face of God..."

Those words echo in me very deeply. I thought about those words this Father's Day weekend. And simply the thought of these words started making me cry. I felt so humbled, so guilty, so...hypocritical. Here I am being a "digital activist" intending to educate and expose falsehoods my "enemy" teaches, and I feel like I might be causing more harm than good because I'm too busy trying to push my beliefs onto others when I vocally preach against others doing that as well.


I guess what I'm saying is that though there's nothing wrong with debate, and deep, intelligent discussions, there's certainly nothing wrong with educating people, I mean, for cryin' out loud, I AM and educator by profession! But It's not that you educate, it's how you educate. And I think I'm going about educating the wrong way. I don't know. I may look at this post in the next few years and think, "What the hell was I thinking writing that post?" All I'm saying is that I'm looking at how I've been behaving lately, and it doesn't line up with the ideal person I'd like to think I'm striving to be, and that type of person is the one described in this quote from Les Misérables. I want to be the type of person who loves all, not just those who agree with me, because I think that's what Jesus would do.

And that's not easy to do. It's a lifelong challenge.

The reality of 2nd-class citizenship

Dear Potential Voter (I say "potential" because a lot of Americans don't care to vote):

Are you married? If you are, great. You have the right to marry the person you love.

Can you get fired from your job due to your race, ethnicity, sex, creed, color, disability? No? Good for you. Your employment is protected.

I, on the other hand, am not married, despite what my Facebook relationship status reads. Why am I not married even though I'm in love with my partner of 6 years? Because my right to marry has been denied. So all the benefits and protections that come with a marriage license will never be available to me...so long as such laws are in place.

Also, though I can't be fired for being Hispanic, male, white, disabled (I'm not) or a progressive Christian, I CAN be fired for being gay. So I'm *not* completely protected because most employment discrimination clauses do not include "sexual orientation or gender identity/expression"...6 words that offer invaluable protections.

Which is the party that opposes marriage equality and supports sexual orientation-based employment discrimination? REPUBLICANS more so than any other American political party.

If you're legally married, good for you. You probably had to pay a small fee and show proof of ID to get the license. Me? Since it's illegal for me to get married, my partner and I have to jump through a whole bunch of hoops, and pay a shitload of money for an attorney just to get the PROTECTIONS the marriage license gives you automatically. How is that fair in a country where "all men are created equal" as stated in our Declaration of Independence? How is that fair in a country where "no state shall . . . deny any person within its jurisdiction equal protection under the law" as stated in the 14th Amendment of our US Constitution? 

Being denied these rights make me and millions like me a 2nd-class citizen in my own country. And as long as you vote for Republican candidates, especially socially conservative candidates, YOU ARE CAUSING US PERSONAL HARM.

So.

If you are empathetic to equal rights for ALL citizens, please vote Democrat. If you refuse to vote Democrat because you support the Republican party on MOST issues, then contact your senator or representative and urge them to rethink their voting. They represent you. They're elected to SERVE their constituents. And if they don't represent you well, vote. them. out. Further, talk to fellow constituents and educate them about the issues.

If you're a heterosexual male or female, congratulations. You're in the majority, and none of this applies to you. But if you know someone who's gay or lesbian, then YOUR VOTE AFFECTS THEIR LIFE, not yours! Do you really want to support a candidate who will strip your friend or loved one of those rights? Would you be able to look us in the eye and say, "I'm better than you. We're NOT equals, and I will support candidates that will support or pass legislation that will oppress you."? If you can't bring yourself to look us in the eye and tell us that to our face, then vote Democrat or contact your representative. But make sure you VOTE.

When unjust laws are passed, a minority of people will be oppressed. Oppression and freedom are antonyms, and we learn about those in elementary school. That being said, I leave you with this quote: 

"If anybody is oppressed, nobody is free." -Unknown

Cold summers

It's around 100 degrees outside. There's little to no shade. You're thirsty, you're hot, and the only thing you can do is lie down and take the heat on a flat, hot surface, or in hot grass. You want to go inside to be with your friends and family, but the door is closed, maybe locked. There's no way you can get in to enjoy more comfortable surroundings unless you get lucky and someone comes to open the door and let you in, or at LEAST remember to make sure you not only have water to drink, but that it's at least cold enough to keep you hydrated.

Or worse. All of the above applies to you, but you're tied and can only move around so much. Your very freedom has been severely limited, and is under the total control of the one who tied you up outside. You'll vocalize your need for company, for attention, for love. Simultaneously, you'll accept your current situation and just deal with the card you've been dealt.

I live in a 2-story house with my partner and our 2 awesome dogs, Apollo and Ares. They're both big, mixed-breed dogs. They're domesticated. We treat them like our children...because to us, they are. We love them, feed them, take them to the doctor, teach them, play with them, clean up after them, etc. They're loved and completely cared for, and they know it. Then I look out a window upstairs that overlooks our backyard and the backyards of the neighbors who share our back fence. One house has 2 dogs, and from what I can see, they both stay outside. They're not tied up, and they do have a small area of shade provided by the rear patio. I have no idea if they'll stay outside, or if they're just out there to do their business before they're readmitted into the house. I don't know. But when I see dogs outside in the heat, I just want to go to them and show them someone cares.

I grew up with smaller dogs, and they weren't really "family", but rather, pets in the background, accessories. When I think about how I could've done so much more for them had I known what I know now, my dogs would've been so much happier. I grew up in one house where we had our Italian Greyhound, Grigio, living indoors with us. When I got to high school, we moved to another house, and Grigio became an outdoor dog. We only brought him in when it was too cold, too hot, or it was raining severely. But he had a dog house with a comfy bed in it with blankets. He was given good fresh food, and fresh water, sometimes with ice cubes to keep him cool. He also had a large shaded area where his dog house was. I'd go outside to play with him periodically. He had regular trips to the vet. So as far as all that, he was treated very well. But he could've been treated so much better.

When I think about Grigio, and especially other dogs we had after he died, I feel like an asshole. We could've done more, but we didn't, and I feel this way for dogs who've died under circumstances that, though good, could've been a lot better. Now I have Apollo and Ares, whom we treat so well that we even share our bed with them. They don't get under the covers, but they sleep in our bedroom; one on our bed with us, usually Apollo, and the other, usually Ares, on the futon across from the bed. When I get into bed, Apollo is either lying down at the foot already, or I'll crawl in, he'll jump up, and rest alongside my legs, and I feel his weight press against me as he lies down, and that contact, his body weight pressed against my leg is such a great feeling. I feel connected to this creature, this adopted child of ours, whose love and loyalty to his parents is unconditional. Our dogs live a great life.

But not all animals are as lucky as our babies.

It's taken a few years for my perspective to change. I didn't see things back then the way I see them now. When I drive through my neighborhood, and I see a loose dog running about in the street, my heart breaks for it. I want to find the owner and reprimand them for not being more responsible.What if that dog gets run over? What if they leave the neighborhood and become a stray? Can you imagine a child in such a situation? The police would be called and the child would immediately be returned to their home. The parents may even be charged with child endangerment or neglect. But in the case of an animal? Nope.

I feel like I'm starting to prattle here, so let me get to my point which I was trying to make in my first paragraph:

Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. The Golden Rule that Jesus himself taught us.

When you see an animal in need, do you think to yourself, "Someone else will take care of it", or do you take action? If you have a dog or any pet that stays outdoors, please reconsider, at least for the summer, to let them stay inside with you. If you're unwilling to do that, then FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL. Give the dog away to a family who will take care of it the way it needs to be taken care of. It's so sad to know so many animals are suffering, and so many of them need good, loving forever homes. But we're all too busy taking care of our own lives. People don't want the responsibility of taking care of an animal who just wants to be loved.

If you ever think, "They're animals. They can take it" if they're out in the heat, you're wrong! We've been domesticating dogs for years. They're no longer capable of "taking it". Once they're domesticated, it's unlikely they can re-adapt enough to survive as a wild animal.

Though I'm primarily addressing dogs, the same holds true for cats, though they are more self-sufficient in taking care of themselves. Dogs are incredibly social creatures, and no other species of animals works with social human cues the way dogs do.

I know this summer I'll be seeing dogs kept out in people's back yards. They'll be taking the heat, and probably enduring intense thirst. In worse scenarios, there'll be animals outside tied up, their freedom limited, kept in the background, enjoying human company when their owners feel like it.

If you have a dog, please think about how you're treating it this summer. If you don't want your dog to be indoors, but you love it too much to give it away or sell, then make their outdoor living tolerable. Play with it daily, or take it for a walk. Make sure their water bowl is always full, because they can't tell you when they're thirsty. If you ever try to rationalize how you treat your dog because...they're a dog...then ask yourself if you'd like that same treatment. If not, make your treatment of them more humane.

Random thoughts on important topics

For some reason, I feel more inspired to write when I'm on my laptop, well, my work laptop. It's mine to keep as long as I stay in my school district.

• CAREER - I've had a career discussion with Frank about what I think my future holds, and also the sheer point that I have NO idea what I want to do with my life, if I resign from teaching any sooner than expected. I still want to get a doctorate, and I still want to get it from UT. We've talked about getting one online, but there are no doctoral programs, especially online ones, that appeal to me as much as the Music & Human Learning doctorate from UT. I've been told to make my doctoral studies broader than strictly music, but more about education, but when it comes to education, music education is really the only kind I'm most passionate about. I can teach music really well. Very few doctoral programs, that I've seen so far, do not require applicants to take the GRE, but he's made it clear to me that if I don't have the self-discipline to prepare for and take the GRE, then I have absolutely no business even thinking about getting a doctorate, even if the doctorate application doesn't require a GRE score. He's got a point. I just wish I knew what I'd do with a doctorate. I'm still not sure, and when you apply, you must include a Statement of Purpose. Why are the faculty going to invest their teachings in you if you have no idea what you'll do with what you'll learn? 
• POLITICS - I've become increasingly disgusted with Republican politics, with anti-gay sermons in so-called Christian churches, and with just how stupid some people can be. And as I've reflected, I've become increasingly set in the mindset of a progressive liberal who can't shut up about politics, religion, or how they shouldn't ever go together. Also, upon deeper reflection, I feel much more confident in my arguments about why I think and believe the way I do. 
• RELIGION - I remember I thought if I ever stopped being a practicing Catholic, I'd probably go crazy because it's all I've ever known, since I grew up with it. But ever since New York legalized marriage equality, the church has done one horrible thing after another marginalizing gay people, and I've come to the conclusion that I cannot invest myself in a church that would do that to people like me. I cannot, in good conscience, partake Catholic practice if my church enacts policies and rules the way it's starting to. Further, I've found and have been attending a church that DOES affirm the LGBT community: Metropolitan Community Church at Austin (MCC Austin).
• FINANCES - A friend and former Kodály classmate of mine referred me to one of her colleagues regarding a summer camp at a school where she teaches. They needed a bilingual music teacher, and I happen to be one. It's a 5-week long summer camp. There goes more than half of my summer! The pay is good, though, and I'll likely use the pay to really knock down my credit card debt...which I feel like will never be gone. I intend to go into this job, rocking it out so much that they want me to come back again. I have NO idea if I'll like it, or what, but I'm going in hoping to be exactly who they need me to be.
• LEGAL BENEFITS - Since Texas Republicans and social conservatives think my relationship with my partner will destroy the "sanctity" of marriage, you know, despite the number of divorces any of the conservatives have had, we cannot obtain a marriage license in Texas since a constitutional amendment was passed back in 2005 making me, and others like me, a 2nd-class Texan. They all voted on whether or not I can get married, even though I never had the chance to vote whether or not any of them could get married. So because having a marriage license gives its licensees a TON of benefits and protections, we, for our 6th anniversary coming up on June 6th, have taken the extra (very expensive) step of becoming each other's Power of Attorney. This way, when anything happens to either of us, we are unfuckable, in the sense that no one can fuck with us. With these legal documents at the ready, we can make medical, financial and other such decisions on each other's behalf in the event of death, or in the event of mental incompetence. These are serious protections to have! For instance, though we've bought a house, and both of our names are on the title, if one of us dies, that doesn't mean the house goes to the other; rather, it means that the other is held liable to pay the mortgage. But having gone this extra mile, we also have to be constantly thinking about what we want to give to whom. We're both in our early 30s, and we're putting together our wills. It's morbid, but it's important
• INSURANCE - Given that we've gone the extra (expensive) mile to get ourselves legally protected, probably the BIGGEST protection we need for each other is mortgage insurance (well, it's really just a life insurance policy that is enough to cover your mortgage). Thankfully I have an uncle who's our insurance agent, and he hooked us up with a 20-year term that, regardless of who dies first, (Frank or me), in the event of our death, our house will be paid off. Can we say "relief"?
• VOTING - GO VOTE!!! I know you're probably sick of attack ads regardless of which party you support, but if you don't like current leadership, then you have no right to complain if you don't VOTE! If you don't like the guy or girl proposing, voting on, or signing the bills into law, VOTE THEM OUT. Too many people don't keep up with politics, and that's partly why a lot of people don't vote, because they can't stand the games politicians play with each other, and even worse, the games they play with their constituents. Just remember that politicians are elected to SERVE, not do whatever they want to do. You elect them to do the job you believe they should do. In their ads, on their site, they'll list what they stand for. If that matches what you believe, support them! If not, find the candidate with the least "evils" and support THAT person! If they FAIL in serving you according to the beliefs they promised they'd bring to the table, you need to let them know by putting someone else in their place. But here's the hard part: You've GOT to keep up with politics! Who said, what, when, where, why, etc. For instance, with the auto industry bail out, Romney wanted all to go bankrupt, and now he's saying he'll take credit for it. This man has changed his mind so many times that, even if he was a governor that instituted a health care plan similar to Obamacare in Massachusetts, I STILL wouldn't vote for him because the only thing that's more two-faced than him is a mythical two-headed dragon. Obama, on the other hand, though he hasn't gotten ALL the things done he promised, he's done a LOT of stuff, including the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, which is something I was deeply passionate about, both as a gay man, but also as an equality-loving American. More of the stuff he wanted to get done he couldn't because Republicans kept blocking and filibustering, a move they've now started to use against Obama so they could say he failed the American people, not being able to keep his promises. Yes, Republicans can be THAT duplicitous!

So yeah, these are a bunch of random thoughts I've had on my mind lately. 

Loss, gain, and the Golden Rule

LOSS

Last night, I had intended to write a post about my extreme disappointment in North Carolina for approving Amendment One, defining marriage as one man and one woman. It passed by about 61% of the vote, a moderate majority. This was a tremendous setback for gay equality in America. Also, it marks NC as the 30th state to constitutionally ban marriage equality. And yes, sadly, Texas is among those 30, since a similar constitutional ban was passed back in 2005. But even before TX passed the ban, we already had a law passed making it illegal, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Similarly, NC had already passed DOMA as well. But, no. In both states, conservative voters wanted more. They wanted there to be NO chance, whatsoever, for gay couples, no matter how long they've been together, no matter how committed they were, to enjoy the same rights and protections as them.

There's no question that NC is a conservative state. They were part of the Confederacy in the Civil War (1861-1865), and likely, many of the conservative evangelical Christians over there are likely Baptist. Well, NC got some heat, especially pastor Sean Harris at Berean Baptist Church who justified that parents should physically beat their child should a boy exhibit feminine traits, or if a girl exhibits more "butch" behavior. Later, the pastor went on to disavow his comments, saying he was only joking, and would've been more careful with his words. But in the background during his sermon, you can hear congregants laughing, and even a few "Amen" affirmations. It's bigotry disguised as gospel, spoken through a big microphone, affecting the minds and lives of hundreds (potentially thousands) of families, plenty of whom could have closeted gay children who live in fear and self-loathing, very aware that the truth will make them lose their loved ones. Considering the kind of people Jesus spent his time with, he'd probably be very disappointed.

GAIN

A few weeks ago, Vice President Joe Biden affirmed his support of marriage equality. This was a major point of progress for equality supporters.



Here's what gets me, though. Evangelical Christians who interpret the Bible as literally as they do, they'll use verse after verse to justify anti-gay opinions. Yet, President Barack Obama, used his faith as a means to help him evolve towards his conclusion that he does indeed support marriage equality. This decision has made him the FIRST and ONLY president to fully support marriage equality.




THE GOLDEN RULE

Though he didn't refer to the Bible and quote Scripture the way equality opponents typically do, Obama just made a reference: The Golden Rule, which is found in Matthew 7:12: "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." He referred to this lesson in Scripture to complete his "evolving" view on marriage equality. And now, because of the Golden Rule, he supports it, because it states that we should treat others the way we want them to treat us.

My big thing with the Golden Rule and how there are so many "Christians" who oppose marriage equality based on the Bible is that opponents quote every Scripture where someone else spoke, not Jesus. They quote the Old Testament, and the letters of St. Paul to whomever. However, in this particular verse, Jesus himself spoke. He also spoke about divorce, and how "what God has joined, no man shall separate" (Matt. 19:6). So, again, there Jesus himself spoke, and he said it clearly, that what God has joined, no man shall separate. So, if Jesus clearly speaks against divorce in the gospel, why are there no laws being worked on to ban divorce? Why are people so up in arms about the one true event that is the REAL enemy of the "sanctity of marriage"? If anything, gays are fighting FOR the sanctity of marriage. They're trying to get married because they're committed to their partners, which is what a marriage is all about. It is, after all, "until death do you part", so marriage is about love and commitment, and THAT is what gays are fighting for: the sanctity of marriage. And ironically, the same people who typically oppose marriage equality are the ones who've likely already experienced a failed marriage. So, how are gays such a threat?

Our president, whether you like him or hate him, has concluded that it's only fair for committed couples to have a legally recognized marriage. He's the first president in American history to publicly state this. He could look at me and Frank, and millions of others like us, and see us as married, recognizing our life-long commitments to each other.

"Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." -Jesus
"Love your neighbor as yourself." -Jesus

Obama is doing just that. 

Can you guess who I'm voting for in November 2012?  

Reality check

Frank and I don't have cable. We have a digital antenna, HuluPlus, and Netflix. (And of course, I can pass hour after hour watching videos on YouTube.) All together, it really helps keep us entertained well.

Every once in a while, we'll go to someone's house who has all 2 million channels cable TV offers. Before we bought our house and lived in an apartment, we had cable, and paid about $120 per month for it, and the majority of the channels were the ones we didn't watch. We really think cable should be available à la carte, in other words, only pay for the channels you want to watch...none of this "package" bullshit.

Anyway, we were at a relative's house, and we were watching Oxygen, and it was showing What's Love Got To Do With It, the very amazing, very sad, very inspiring true story of pop/soul singer Tina Turner's life. But what really irritated me wasn't so much the commercial breaks, but the kinds of reality shows they were promoting. The main show being advertised was The Bad Girls Club, and it showed a few clips of women fighting, pulling each other's hair, bad-mouthing each other, and I thought to myself:

I can't believe people are entertained by this crap.

It's TRUE! These shows wouldn't be on the air unless there were people wanting to watch this...crap. 

Have we really sunken so low as a society, as a culture to want to watch and be entertained by others' misbehavior? I mean, really?!

I concede I've never watched The Bad Girls Club and cannot just judge based on the commercial...but...I can. What else is a TV show with such a title supposed to be about? What? Are they doing charity work making sure more villages in Africa are getting clean drinking water? I doubt it.

But then after being repulsed by the commercial I had just seen, I thought more about other reality shows:

Jersey Shore
Keeping Up With the Kardashians
Real Housewives of [insert city here]

I'm sure there are more I'm not thinking of, but that's all I can get off the top of my head that have NO plot, no "writers", and just watch people doing stupid shit, catching it on camera, and therefore making their viewers think, Okay, I'm not as bad as Snooki or start passing judgments like, Kim had a $3 million wedding, and she was divorced in less than 3 months?! That's messed up!

That's because it is messed up.

We either don't like our own lives, or are too bored with them that we want to see how others live and compare lifestyles. The truth is when we see someone party hard on national TV, and then do something very humiliating, we tend to think better about ourselves, taking comfort in the fact that there's someone out there who's making worse decisions than we do.

The only reality shows I can understand are those that are competitions for a prize:

American Idol
X Factor
The Voice 
Sing-Off
[insert country]'s Got Talent
The Glee Project
America's Next Top Model
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Dancing With the Stars

I get all those because there, actually talented people are given the time to shine to show the world what they can do. But as for all the other reality shows I mentioned, those have no point other than to let viewers see humans behaving badly.

Then there are the shows that are a mix of behaving badly, and getting a prize:

Celebrity Apprentice 
Hell's Kitchen
Master Chef  

We also have some educational reality shows:

Myth Busters 


...and shows featuring people with unusual lifestyles:

19 Children and Counting (or whatever the Duggars' show is called)
(Jon and) Kate + 8



...shows that inspire and do good for others:

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
The Biggest Loser

My biggest beef with reality TV is more against shows like the first 3 I mentioned. There seems to be no point to them whatsoever except feeling better about yourself because someone's a bigger idiot than you.

Sadly, right now it seems that American entertainment is becoming predominantly - unless it already is predominantly - about watching other people, and living vicariously through them. Why must we do this? Why must such entertainment exist? I'm grateful we still have great shows with actual writers telling a story - stories that make us laugh, cry, watch in awe, leave us in suspense, play with our fantasies, dreams, and guilty pleasures, etc.

I guess the reason we have so many different types of shows is that so many different types of people live in this country, and everyone is entertained in their own way. Two people can watch Family Guy, and while one will be laughing hysterically, the other will be repulsed by the irreverent humor. But even if this highly simplified explanation for the justification of the variety of entertainment now available, it doesn't change the fact that there are still millions of people out there who are entertained by the trashier, pointless shows.


This has been a reality check about reality TV.

...smile because it happened

The events of this week have left me emotionally and physically exhausted. My uncle, my mom's older brother (the 2nd of 6 siblings), passed away. He had been diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago, and the cancer ultimately won, but not before he and his family fought with everything they had to make as many memories as they could while they could.

The last time I saw my uncle was Thanksgiving 2011. Looking back on it, how fitting that that would be the last time I'd see him, because when you're diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, everyday is a gift and worthy of thanks to God. Well, really, every day is a gift from God period, and none of us know when our last day is. We don't know which will be our last meal, the last time we'll see a friend or family member, or the last time doing anything. We are alive for a finite number of days, and it's what you do during those days that tell the world what kind of person you were.

That being said, my uncle was a good man, and during his lifetime, he did the best he could all the while sticking fiercely to his convictions, his principles, and his beliefs. He was a gentleman, teacher, friend, uncle, brother, cousin, nephew, and loving and devoted husband and father to his 3 children. He had two daughters and one son, and they're all accomplished professionals. He was a chemical engineer, and his wife an educator. One daughter teaches at the university level, the other daughter is a pediatrician, and the son is an engineer. Like I said, he and his wife raised amazing children, who just so happen to be my cousins. And I'm proud to be related to them all.

My uncle was a great man who loved to play golf, and taught an awkward nephew (me) how to play it too. One of my fondest memories was when he, his son, and I were at the driving range at the local country club. Being the odd person I am, I may be right-handed, but I usually hold sticks (hockey sticks, golf clubs, baseball bats) left-handed. Since he couldn't accommodate my needs, I was forced to adjust to what was available to learn to play golf, using his right-handed equipment. I remember taking his driver and swinging the club. Out of 10 swings, I think I hit the ball once, and when I hit it, it veered to the far right, and I couldn't figure out why. Upon careful observation, he came to the conclusion that because of my paralyzed eye, I probably had a depth perception problem...which is true. However, after lots of patience with a clumsy nephew, he realized the reason my strokes were sending the ball so far to the right was because I wasn't keeping my arms straight; by the time the club struck the ball, it was turned to the right because my hands were crooked! Once we diagnosed that problem, all I had to worry about was my depth perception...oh, and the other problem that whenever I'd hit the ball, and it'd go up to where you'd see a white dot in the blue sky, I could no longer keep track of it the farther it went, and I'd have no idea where it would fall.

I guess I'll forever be a putt-putt man.

Another fond memory I have is that he had a green 1969 (I think) Jaguar E-type convertible. It was a gorgeous antique, complete with an 8-track player! I've always loved cars, and having grown up loving Hot Wheels, any time I'd go over to my cousin's house, he'd permit us to play in the car. My cousin and I would sit inside pretending to race down a traffic-free highway, wind in our hair, music blasting. It was awesome. I also remember how he showed me how to turn it on. Yes, you'd put the key in the ignition, but once you did that, there was a black button you had to push, and THAT was how you started the engine, and my Hot Wheels-based mind thought that was sooooo James Bond, and therefore, insanely cool!

One last memory I'll leave you, my reader, with, is how he took a family tradition, and modified it for those who needed the modification, to promote full inclusion for all.

Let me set this up by saying that when I was growing up, he and his family lived in Port Arthur (East Texas), and in about 1997 moved to Laredo where the rest of us lived, on the border to Mexico. For years, they'd come and stay at my grandmother's house for Christmas.

Our family has a Christmas tradition called the posada (literally meaning "shelter" in Spanish), where we re-enact the Holy Family's journey to Bethlehem for Jesus' birth. Once they moved to Laredo, they wanted to host it too, so on Christmas week, my mom and 3 of her siblings each host a separate posada at their home. When we do this tradition each Christmas, we sing a song, a capella, in Spanish. The men portray the innkeepers while the ladies portray the pilgrims seeking shelter. It's a sung dialogue. However, since my cousins lived in Port Arthur, they didn't grow up in a bilingual environment like the rest of us, and when they moved, my aunt's family came to their house to share in the tradition, and they weren't Spanish speakers either. So my uncle, with his very strong command of linguistics, translated the entire thing, knocking down a years-old language barrier, so those who wished to participate fully now could. And when you're translating a multiple-generations-old tradition from Spanish to English, you cannot translate directly. So he painstakingly took the time to translate the meaning of each verse, so though the language may've been different, the message was identical.

My uncle loved his family - immediate and extended - so, so much. He passed on his love for golf and engineering to his son, his love of science and language arts to his daughters. Family and friends were always welcome in his home. Always the courteous host, whenever I'd visit without my partner, he'd ask how we were doing, and if Frank came down with me, we were made to feel as much at home as anyone else.

Witnessing his wife and kids' strength in the past few days, I'm in awe of their courage, bravery, strength, and love for each other through this tremendously trying time in their lives. It's these characteristics that can help anyone survive even the most trying storms in our lives.

To my uncle: you may be gone, but you left your love with us. I love you, I'll miss you, and I look forward to singing the posada with you again. And by the time we meet again, I hope to make par on the celestial golf course I'm sure they prepared for you.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. -Unknown

Twenty-foot thick glass wall

I'm so glad I have this blog. When something's in my mind, and I need to get it out, it's a great place to come.

*SIGH*

I'm obsessed. My heart, soul, and mind are obsessed with being a UT student. Yes, I know I've written about this several times already, and in fact, my readers (all 6 of you) are probably thinking, "Get over it!" but, I can't.

My obsession with UT and its reputation as quite possibly the most reputable school in Texas, and among the most reputable in the country, started at LEAST 8 years ago. At least. My brother went there, 3 cousins went there, an uncle went there, but the biggest reason I feel so driven to go there is because of my first piano teacher, Fritz, who earned both his Master's and Doctor of Musical Arts in piano performance from there. Being the gifted and talented music educator he is, working with him in college at Texas A&M International University (TAMIU) changed my world forever, and while studying with him while in college, I was insistent on following in his footsteps, going to his alma mater, and earning a graduate degree at UT.

However, despite having applied there twice, I've been rejected twice, so that made my desire to go to UT grow into this weird...thing...that if I'm not good enough to get into and graduate from UT, then I'm not good enough, generally speaking. 

Here's the crazy shit. Again, I have my Bachelor's AND my Master's. Many people went to college, but they didn't all go to grad school. I did, and I earned my degree. If you have a Bachelor's and a Master's, and you want to get another degree, typically, the next step is the Doctorate, and UT is extremely difficult to get into, the higher you go. It's also even MORE difficult to get into if you've never been a student there before. I want to be a doctoral student at UT so badly, but.....but..............

............................I don't know what I'd do with it.........................

At least, I don't know as of now. 

To add insult to injury, I likely would've been accepted to UT when I was in college had I started fresh or transferred. Hell, had I decided to earn a graduate degree there after getting a Bachelor's there, I likely could've done that too because my records would already be in the system, and I'd know the faculty there well.

So, why didn't I go to UT at the beginning to save myself this crazy-ass obsession I'm living with now, into my 30s?

Four things: 

1. I didn't feel ready to leave my hometown, and be on my own. 
2. I lived 5 minutes away from TAMIU, which saved money on apartment rent, and my mom worked there...and still does.
3. Fritz worked there, and I loved learning from him. 
4. Being the small university it was, I was able to get scholarships all the way through. The student loan debt I have came from earning my Master's. 

So, I went to TAMIU primarily for reasons of financial convenience, which, for college, is a very big thing. I don't regret having gone there. In fact, in all fairness, what I learned there truly prepared me for the career I currently enjoy.

All that being said, UT is my Harvard. UT is also my Juilliard. I love everything about UT. I love the colors of the burnt orange, and making the longhorn sign with my hand. I love yelling, "HOOK 'EM!" during football games. I love seeing the chrome longhorn auto decals on fellow Austin drivers. I LOVE seeing the UT Tower shine orange with a "1" lit up in its windows. And I so desperately wish to be able to walk the campus or drive by the university seeing the orange glow on the Tower and proudly think to myself, This is *my* school. *I* go here. Hook 'em!

But, in my head, I can't connect with that unless I get an acceptance letter welcoming me to the university. It's like there's this window that's completely transparent, and it's 20 feet thick, and each foot between me and being an official UT student is every difficult, tedious step I have to take before I can even really have reason to apply. So instead, I just remain on the other side of the glass wall, banging, screaming, pulling my hair, crying, being resentful and jealous of all the UT students I see walking on the other side of the wall.

It's probably unhealthy, self-damaging, and crazy. I know. I wouldn't doubt it if I needed to go see a therapist about this obsession/dream.

If I want to satisfy this obsession, all I need is an acceptance letter (and ultimately a diploma). But it won't feel right buying my way in with some massive donation. I can't do it that way, even if I had the money. I need to get in the traditional way, and I have many big steps to take to get that process going.

Time will tell, and in the mean time, it will continue to take over my mind.

NO TALKING! (An angry rant)

DISCLAIMER - This post contains strong language.

Dear fellow movie-goers,

How much do we pay to go to the movies nowadays? I remember when tickets used to cost $3.50 for kids, and $5.50 for adults. Today I went to see Wrath of the Titans and paid $14 total for 2 tickets. Having paid for a pleasant movie experience, I want to have a pleasant movie experience.

When I moved to Austin, Frank introduced me to a theater that blew my mind: the Alamo Drafthouse. It's your average movie theater, except they take audience etiquette very seriously. No other theater, to my knowledge, does that. Not AMC, not Cinemark, nothing else. In fact, Alamo Drafthouse is so serious about being a courteous movie-goer, that right before the feature begins, they offer Public Service Announcements (PSAs) that explain their rules and expectations.

The Drafthouse's rule is simple: talk, text, tweet, or disturb your neighbors in any way, and your ass is getting kicked out without a refund. You know what I think of that?

FUCK YEAH!!!

It's because of the Drafthouse's policy that I no longer go to any other movie theater. Every time you walk into a movie theater, you're likely surrounded by people who've paid the same amount, a little less, or more than you (if they paid for a small or large group of people). So, why would you be so rude as to rob them of the theater experience they paid for by opening your fat fucking mouth? If I wanted to hear people rant about random shit, all I have to do is walk around downtown Austin! For fuck's sake, we even had an awesome homeless transvestite named Leslie who ran for mayor one year, and got 10% of the vote!

Keep Austin Weird, baby!

And if your phone rings, that bitch better be on silent - or at the MOST vibrate - because if a ringtone goes off, you better hope that the music in the movie is loud enough to cover it up, otherwise, at the Drafthouse, you risk getting kicked out. Instead, you become the most hated asshole in the theater because your fucking phone distracted everyone's attention from the story THEY PAID TO WATCH. Part of why people go to the movies in the first place is to get away from their own life's problems for a couple hours. When your phone lights up in a dark movie theater, anyone in or behind your row gets distracted from the story to look at whatever the hell is on your phone's screen. So when you talk or text during the movie, you're essentially pulling them out of the fantasy they're trying to enter, reminding them of the real world, and all the assholes, including yourself, who help make it up.


The late Ann Richards, former Texas governor (you know, before Dumb and Dumber took over), was a regular patron to the Drafthouse, so it's only fitting she was featured in one of their PSAs.







Why did this whole policy kick in at the Drafthouse? A local Austin news station interviewed the CEO Tim League himself as to the reasons behind the rule that makes the Drafthouse my and many other Austin movie-goers our new favorite theater. 



Below is the uncensored voicemail PSA about the texter who was kicked out of the theater, and by far, my FAVORITE Drafthouse PSA.



It bugs the ever-lovin' shit out of me when I see someone using their phone or talking during a movie. Can you not shut the fuck up for 2 hours?! You wanna talk and text during a movie? Fine. Get the movie on Netflix and watch it in the comfort of your own home. Don't be a douche and interrupt my and other patrons' experience.

If you're going to the movies, fine. But do us all a favor, and shut. the fuck. up.

Love,
Me 

The last step

I've been wresting with the idea of earning a Ph.D. for quite some time...years. The one school from which I'd like to earn it is UT, in Music and Human Learning. But before I can take any step to go in that direction, I really have to sit and reflect on everything it would affect in my life before doing it.

So, I spoke with a colleague of mine whom I truly admire and respect for everything she has done and will do, both professionally and personally.

"What do you want to do with that degree?" she asked.
"I don't know, I just know I want to get it."
"Hmm. I think you're going about it backwards. You should probably have a career goal, and then go about taking the steps necessary to achieve that goal. So, do you know what you wanna be when you grow up?" she wittily asked.
"See, that's the thing," I answered. "I'm not sure. I really like what I'm doing, teaching music. Right now, or for the foreseeable future, I can't see what else I'd be doing."

She's pursuing a Ph.D. online, because she wants to eventually be a curriculum writer. And knowing her skill level as an educator, she'd be a damn good one.

The only other Ph.D. that barely appeals to me is one at Texas State. They have Ph.D.s in education, but they're for educational administration. They have 2 programs: 1) school improvement, (preparing you to be a school or school district administrator), and 2) adult, professional, and community education (APCE), (preparing you to be the director of education programs, like GEDs or other things like that).

Though I can kind of see myself in the APCE field, I'm not sure it's something I want. Now, I'm totally aware that my future career goals could come into fruition, and I could start to see myself doing something later that I can't see now, I just have no idea if/when that "vision" will reveal itself.

Right now, I'm in my 5th year teaching elementary music, and I love it. I don't want to do anything else. I'm also making more professional investments by earning more certifications to make myself more professionally marketable. Though I was only initially certified to teach music in grades PK-12, I'm now almost certified to be either a bilingual or ESL generalist classroom teacher. I have no intentions of using these certifications once I get them all. I'm strictly getting them for professional marketability, and more importantly, in case, God forbid, the arts are ever cut in my district, and my job gets eliminated, I have other certifications I can use to keep me employed.

I've earned my Master's already, which, academically speaking, is the 2nd highest degree anyone can earn. I have to give the most credit to my parents because once I graduated from college, I was being told, "Go get your Master's, and THEN find a job, because if you get a job after college, and then you want a Master's, it'll be very hard to get back into the student mindset." So, I literally started grad school 1 MONTH after graduating college; I graduated in May 2004, and started my first class of grad school in June 2004, and finished a little over 2 years later, December 2006. Haven't been a university student since. The last step is your Doctorate.

So, I've been at the 2nd highest level for about 6 years now, and furthermore, my amazing mom, who's in her early 60s, is about to graduate with HER Ph.D.! Um...WOW! When Mom called me to let me know she had passed her dissertation defense, I talked to Frank about her success:

"Wow, as much as I can't believe she's gotten this far, I actually CAN believe she did." I told him.
"Yes, she's a highly-accomplished woman."
"I mean, she's a full-time university administrator, has worked in higher education for about 30 years, has been married for almost 40, raised 3 kids, and 5 grand kids, she's traveled the world because of one of the university programs she directs, and NOW she's getting a Ph.D. And all this in her 60s! That's AMAZING!"
In jest, Frank added, "Yeah, so...what happened to you? Why didn't you get any of that drive?"
"Hey, I'm lazy, and I admit it freely! Not proud of it, but completely aware of it."

Mom did her Ph.D. over the course of about 8 years, going part-time. She had to take the GRE to get in, she's had to make several trips out of town to different libraries to do her research, and all kinds of things. But she's also very self-disciplined, an attribute that worked totally in her favor.

As for me, there's nothing wrong with having what I already have. I have a Master's, and a lot of people don't even finish college. As Mom told me, whenever I thought about giving up on the Master's, she'd say, "Of course it's hard. If it was easy, everyone would do it!"

So, the only Ph.D. program that appeals to me, is the Ph.D. in Music and Human Learning at UT-Austin. Having researched admission requirements, besides applying, and turning in letters of recommendation, I also have to send them a Curriculum Vitae (CV - a resume), a Statement of Purpose, I have to take and do well on the GRE, a test I loathe, and really brush up on my music history and literature, as my skills will be tested in a 3-hour diagnostic test.

Getting a Ph.D. would take anywhere from 2-5 times longer than my Master's did. It would be hella expensive (and yes, I meant "hella"), I'd have some demanding and high pressure work to do on TOP of my full-time career. And yet, knowing this, my heart still can't look away. I've been given one reason after another by current an former UT students who tell me not to do this because the inconveniences outweigh everything else. And yet, I still can't seem to let go.

Mom is in her 60s. She's busy with her career, taking care of my dad, babysitting 3 of her grandkids, cooks, helps maintain the house, helps out other family members when they need it, and still managed get her Ph.D. done over the years. Oh, and her Ph.D. program is in a city over 4 hours away.

I'm in my 30s. I have a full-time career. The only "kids" I have to take care of are Frank, and our 2 dogs. I don't cook (except for myself), but I do clean...sometimes, and I have nowhere close the number of obligations she has. And my Ph.D. program is in the same city in which I live. So I'm thinking, If Mom can do it, why can't I? I just need 3 big things: the commitment, determination, and, especially, self-discipline.

Ph.D.s are massive undertakings. You have to do "ungodly" amounts of reading, as a former colleague of mine stated, you essentially kiss a social life goodbye, especially if you've got a full-time job, and you're committed to it for several years. So if you want to invest your life in a long-term study, it better be something you're insanely passionate about, and want to get better at it.

Despite all these things that would deter anyone from wanting to take it on, I still want to do it. I've even been told that UT's financial aid office is very difficult to work with. I've been told finding parking will be a regular hassle. I've been told that when I typically come home from work and relax, I'd have to come home and do homework...daily...for several years. I'd probably have to go straight to the library after work and do research...facing all the traffic that goes with it. And by the time I'd come home from the library, it'd probably be time to go to bed. And the routine would have to repeat itself the next day, and so forth.

*SIGH*

And I still want to do it. My mind is SO stubborn, and I know I must drive Frank crazy with how I obsess about this. But I can't help it. I've tried to talk myself out of it, and then it just comes right back. Am I ready to make the sacrifices I'd have to make to get this thing done? What if doing this will help me figure out "What I want to be when I grow up"? It'd be the last step I'd have to take professionally. If I can take on a Ph.D., (a Ph.D. at UT at that), then I think that would prove to myself that there truly is nothing I can't do. And if I can't do it, I can still dream. If I can't take this last step, I know I've already gotten much farther than most. And that in itself, is something to be proud of.