Why "The Oven"?

I googled "open oven pic" and found the background that now fits my blog. So the background has been appropriately changed to reflect the metaphor behind both my blog's name and purpose. 

So, why do I call this blog "The Oven"? The name has a few references to it:

1. It's an extension of a nickname my friend Cindy gave me. We met when I was in graduate school, and she's the type that makes up nicknames for everyone, and everything. When trying to figure out a nickname for me, I told her how I once called my former piano professor and college mentor - whose name is Fritz - "Fritzbiscuit". Once I said that, she called me "Jimmybiscuit", and calls me "Biscuit" for short. And it's probably my favorite nickname, but only she and that circle of friends are allowed to call me that.
   
   All that being said, biscuits are usually baked in an oven, and when they're done, they're ready to consume. So, I metaphorically refer to my mind as "the oven" where all my thoughts, opinions, and ideas come to fruition. Then they're ready to be shared with the world.
   
   
2. Ovens always heat up when in use. That's how they work. And they can heat up to various degrees of heat depending on what they have inside. This refers to my love for hot topics. I particularly love to discuss progressive versus conservative politics, such as marriage equality, social issues, and other things. I'll also discuss my views on religion at times. 

So, that's pretty much the gist behind the name of the blog.

But you know what? I've discovered something. Though professionally, I'm an elementary music teacher (I'm certified in Texas to teach PK-12th grade; I hold two degrees in music, as well as a certificate in Kodály pedagogy), I've discovered that I love writing. I love expressing myself through writing. Every time I post a blog, I feel like one of those writers who has a piece in an op-ed of a nationally renowned newspaper, like The Washington Post or The New York Times. Blogs allow people to put their thoughts into writing, and share them with both friends, and even strangers around the world. I love languages, and grammar, and spelling. I love using big words like "obfuscate". Yes, it's real. They used it on The X-Files, and I looked it up because the word confused me, and then I learned that its denotation did exactly that.

But if I'm a professional musician who's certified to teach, and has an advanced degree in music, what do I like to do musically? I love to sing, play piano, experiment with other instruments. My instruments are piano and voice, primarily. I usually have no problem bursting into song while shopping. I adore karaoke, and I don't need to get plastered to get up to sing. I love concerts, and playing popular, classical, or original music on my piano or iPhone. When I'm driving, I'll look at the road in front of me as if there's a camera, and I'm shooting a music video. I love to teach music because I love showing kids how music works, and then I get that amazing feeling when they finally read, understand, and perform the "dots on the page". I love teaching music. I'm good at it, and I get paid to do it.

So, as much as I love teaching music and being a musician, I also love the written word. I can spend hours on my computer reading article after article, and then reading all the comments from other readers. Then I can click on some readers to find their blogs, and read about what they have to say about any topic. I consider myself a very social person. I love to know what people think about all kinds of stuff. I love having those conversations, as they help you get to know someone far beyond the surface of small talk. I feel like blogging is a great way to keep that conversation going. Through blogging, you can also find out, as you read, with whom you can have deep, intellectual conversations, and with whom you can probably only have civil conversations. And yes, there's a BIG difference.

This blog is a mental playground. When you go to a regular, real-life playground, you hear the shouts of children playing together, laughing, running freely. The sounds of this playground are the sounds of every keystroke on the keyboard as I type. I hear each keystroke as if it was one of the ingredients for the concoction that's about to be released from "the oven". I also envision a sheet of paper, with a pen in hand, where my hand, through a few symbolic writings, communicates the thoughts that reside in my mind. I can liken this image to one of the lyrics in the song "Breathe (2 AM)" by Anna Nalick:

Two AM, and I'm still awake writing a song.
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me,
threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
cause these words are my diary screamin' out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to.

 That is SUCH a good song! 

So, anyway, that's why my blog is called "The Oven". I feel, also, that I communicate much better in writing than I do when I speak. I've been known, when speaking, to, well...not think before I speak. But when I write, I portray myself intelligently (I think), and if there's anything I probably shouldn't say, I can edit it before it's ready to be taken out of the oven of my mind.

Be yourself.* (*Some restrictions apply)

I'm not sure where else besides Texas it may exist, but Texas is an "at will" state where employees can be fired "at will" of the employer. Granted, if you have given your employer a good reason to fire you, then by all means, you're screwed for poor conduct, or a poor choice of words or actions. The gay community has been advocating support for Congress to pass ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) which would protect people like me for getting fired simply because of our sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression. In Texas, we don't have that protection.

I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher. I'm an elementary teacher who loves his job, gets paid an amount that supports a comfortable lifestyle. I'm also an elementary teacher who happens to be gay. My colleagues know, but my students? If they do, they don't bring it up, and I keep it completely private because it's frankly none of their business. Besides, they're likely not old enough to understand what being gay means, unless they watch Glee or Modern Family. Boys that age are still repulsed by girls, and girls typically feel mutually.

I've made it a professional - and personal - goal to never lie to my students. Ever. If I do or say something where I truly am at fault, I'll take ownership of it to model the importance of responsibility and self-accountability. Because of my insistence in never lying to them, I've had to answer a question I'd prefer not to be asked:

Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes. [I used to say this because I truly do feel married...even though I honestly am not, legally or otherwise, but because I felt married, saying "Yes" was an honest response.]

That was during my first 2 years teaching. As the next few years went by, I re-evaluated this response and concluded that if I answer this question - which kids inevitably ask because they're naturally curious about their teachers' personal lives - I may get a follow-up question whose response could be honest, but not to my preference of honesty:

Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes.
Student: What's your wife's name?

I can't answer that question honestly unless I reply "That's private" or "None of your business." Technically, it's an honest answer. But, why is a spouse's name private? I don't think there's anything wrong with being asked that question. I find nothing invasive about it, except that I don't have a wife. So, in order to maintain my privacy, and still model honesty, I've changed my response to the first question:

Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.

I'm far more comfortable answering that, because I do feel like I'm being honest and protecting my privacy all at the same time. I just stop them early and prevent myself from having to lie about an even less private question. Of course once asked, and after answering, I change the subject immediately. I do wear my commitment ring on the appropriate finger. In fact, I never take it off. They can draw their own conclusions, I just won't help them do it. I've had a couple of students ask me this year:

Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.
Another student: See his ring? Of course he's married.

They're saying it; I'm not. The way I see it, they're drawing their own conclusion, and I'm not lying at all. I'm stating the truth, that some aspects of my personal life truly are none of their business. Further, I show them they won't get more information than "That's none of your business." Also, it gives their curiosity a dead end before they use it to probe further.


When I know I'm in safe environments, I'm free to be myself completely. But what if I go to a movie theatre, shopping center, park, or restaurant? So many couples show that they're someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife by simply holding hands in public. It's a strong, common social statement. Some go as far as to share a kiss among passers-by. Even if any of those straight couples are teachers like me, if they're spotted by a student, the student's reaction may be something like:

Student: Oh, there's my teacher! Hi! *waves*
Teacher: Hi there! *waves back*

But what if that teacher is me? Frank and I could be at the mall, and I may want to hold his hand. Harmless, right? What if a student was to see me holding him? When kids see their teacher in public somewhere outside school, the next day, they'll tell the teacher: "I saw you at [insert location here]!"

One night, around 8 or 9 pm, I went to Best Buy with Frank. It was a school night. Inside, I spotted one of my first grade students. I wasn't seen. The next morning, a 5th grader approached me:

Student: I saw you last night.
Me: Where? At the grocery store? (I had been there after leaving school that day.)
Student: No, at Best Buy.
Me: Oh, yes, I was there.

The scary part is that I never saw that student...but they saw me. Had I let myself be uninhibited that evening, that conversation wouldn't have ended there:

Student: You were holding another guy's hand!

How do I get out of that without lying?

Worst case scenario is that one of my students has the type of parents that are ignorant enough to think that if their child's teacher is gay, it may influence their child to be gay too, and then because there is no employment protection for gay people in Texas, I could lose my job since Texas is also an "at will" state. I realize I could be overreacting, but I don't want to risk it either.

Despite whatever sacrifice I, and other gay teachers may have to make in public to keep our income uninterrupted to pay bills, what upsets me more is a great hypocrisy in this country:

We teach children to "be yourself." There should be no asterisk (*) after that statement with fine print to read where "Some restrictions apply". When we add those restrictions, we place conditions on our love for our children. And our children are our future.

Kids learn differently, and schools, by law, accommodate them. Gay people love differently, and the workplace, by law, should accommodate us.