- voices your exact thoughts before you do.
- understands your mind and thinking so fluently to accurately predict your next thought, statement, or action.
- can give you an honest and direct reality check in such a way that it doesn't hurt your feelings, but instead makes you immensely grateful that you're hearing what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
- loves you no matter how your quirks might irritate him/her.
- pushes you to be a better you, if you're the type with a tendency to be dependent on others' help due to a lack of self-confidence.
- celebrates all your virtues, and accepts all your flaws.
- knows just what to say or do to make you feel better.
- with just one gesture or statement, can instantly fill you with joy and peace.
- sees you for who you really are, and loves it all unconditionally.
- knows how to explain anything to you better than anyone else can.
- can make you laugh at yourself without ever hurting your feelings.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
It takes someone special...
...to know and love you so completely that he/she:
Friday, November 18, 2011
My spending fast...one month left
Back in fall of 2010, the Public Relations officer from Randolph-Brooks Federal Credit Union (@rbfcu) tweeted about a woman who made a New Years Resolution to go on a spending fast, in which she wouldn't spend any money at all on wants...just needs. The goal was to reduce consumer debt. Her plan, despite all her apparent withdrawal and consumerist sacrifice (no paid social outings like going out to eat, or the movies), she either made a big dent in paying off her debt, or she eliminated big chunks of it. Since at the time I read the story about this woman, I had no idea what my NYR should be, I realized I should do the same thing.
Normally, I might make a NYR, but how many of us actually hold ourselves to it each year? I mean, really. Let's be honest. Do you make a NYR, only to give up on it a couple months later? Knowing this, I decided to do it, and made a conscious daily choice to not spend on anything I wanted...only what I needed. Easily simplified, it meant, after paying all my monthly bills that my teacher paycheck pays, (mortgage, car, student loan, cell phone, credit cards), I only had a few hundred per month for "gas and groceries" and professional expenses...or so I thought.
At first making this NYR, I felt relatively comfortable doing it. But I didn't think about all the "uh-ohs" that come with life, like car maintenance, and new tires if you get a nail in your tire, and doctor visits, and medical prescriptions. I was so short-sighted to think that after paying all bills, "gas and groceries" was all that would be left. As each "uh-oh" event came (and they did), if I didn't have enough cash from my paycheck, I'd be forced to use my credit cards. Since my credit card debt has been on a steady incline in the past few years, this NYR was particularly designed to keep me from adding to it.
-NO impulse spending
-NO stupid justifications for any unnecessary purchases
-NO movie or restaurant outings unless someone else paid
-Want the DVD? Wait for it to be available on Netflix
-Want a new single, soundtrack, or album? Ask for iTunes gift cards for your birthday or Christmas. (I teach music for a living, so this was ESPECIALLY difficult!)
The only eating out I allowed myself was usually fast food when I needed to eat, and didn't have enough time to go home and eat. That was justifiable.
So where do I stand now? I've almost made it through November with one month left to go. In retrospect, I can say this: My fast hasn't been perfect. It could've been better. There are plenty of things I've wanted to buy and didn't. I've fought many moments of seeing something online or in-store that I wanted, and thinking, Fuck it. I'll just charge it, and resisted the urge.
Like I said earlier, it was my goal/hope that I'd pay off a good chunk of my credit card debt through this NYR. Well, because of life, that didn't happen. Instead, my credit card debt increased. Why? A few factors could be to blame:
-I should've driven around less. That would've saved gas, giving me more cash to use per month to refrain from using credit cards.
-I gave to charities - granted, not much - thinking that despite my intention to reduce debt, I'd receive some sort of Good Samaritan blessing from God for giving even when I didn't have anything to give. Though the effect this could've had on my debt is undoubtedly minimal, I know it played a role, but I don't regret doing it either.
-I could've gotten a summer job teaching music at one of those after-school academies, and though I had the opportunity, I was lazy and let it pass me by. The extra income would've reduced the amount I charged for necessities during the summer, and would've made the summer a LOT more financially bearable.
Over the past 7 months, or so, I had some credit card adventures, too. And by that, I mean taking advantage of certain offers or promotions a card offered to help save money. I consider it an adventure because I had never done balance transfers before. First time for everything, right?
I have 4 credit cards (from lowest limit to highest):
-Chase MC (lowest limit, with a 12% APR, with points rewards)
-AMEX (9.9% APR, with cash back rewards for Costco)
-Discover (14% APR, with points rewards)
-Citi MC (16.99% APR, with cash back rewards)
The AMEX is a joint account with my partner. I don't pay on that one, he does.
As for the others, let me break it down as to what happened in these "adventures".
-At the start of the fast, my Disc and Chase had BIG balances, and my Citi, with a LARGE limit, was clean. I hated paying 2 credit card bills each month, so I checked Citi to see if there was a balance transfer promotion. There was.
-I transferred my Disc and Chase balances to Citi with a promotion that gave me 0% APR until March of 2012. And I'd still have plenty of room to charge if necessary (i.e., when my cash ran out, and I needed things). Well, over the next few months, plenty of "life happens" events took place requiring me to charge, and my Citi balance sky rocketed to where I was closer to my limit than I wanted to be. (I also was okay with using the Citi because I knew that even though I was increasing my debt, I'd earn a cash back check eventually...and I did; a whopping $50.) Damn, I wish there was a font for sarcasm!
-Knowing I needed "space" on my Citi, I looked at my Disc again (as it had the 2nd highest limit of all my cards), and lo and behold, they had a balance transfer option too, until March (or April) 2012.
-So, I took a big chunk of the balance from Citi, and put it back on the Disc, which left me more room on my Citi to continue charging when necessary. For a few months, I was able to not charge on my Disc at all. But my Citi balance continued to increase to where I needed to stop charging there, and start charging on Disc instead. Why? When I've paid my statements this year, I've really only paid the minimum payment because that way, I could satisfy my card agreement, and still have cash to use. The more I paid off, the less cash I had to make it through the month, which would force me to charge on the card even sooner, thereby essentially canceling out whatever extra I paid on the card.
-Since I had two monster balances on my Citi and Disc, I looked to my favorite financial institution, RBFCU, and learned about their credit card and balance transfer options. So, I thought, I'll apply and transfer everything to that card since they're such a bad-ass-awesome institution, and I'm tired of dealing with big banks. Well, I applied, and though my credit is okay, I have too many financial obligations to take on a 3rd balance transfer of the amount I needed. So, I'm stuck paying 2 cards for a little while.
So here's my plan for the rest of the year:
1. Keep the fast going and charge on Disc as that has more room than the Citi does through the end of the year.
2. Once I get my tax statements (either Dec. or Jan.) and get my IRS refund in January (yes, I file QUICKLY), I'll use a large chunk of it to pay down my car, unless I can pay it off (it's final payment is supposed to be June 2012).
3. Once the car is paid off, use that money to pay the cards, or by then reapply for the RBFCU cards I was initially declined. By then, I'll have one less bill to pay per month.
We'll see how this plan works.
Normally, I might make a NYR, but how many of us actually hold ourselves to it each year? I mean, really. Let's be honest. Do you make a NYR, only to give up on it a couple months later? Knowing this, I decided to do it, and made a conscious daily choice to not spend on anything I wanted...only what I needed. Easily simplified, it meant, after paying all my monthly bills that my teacher paycheck pays, (mortgage, car, student loan, cell phone, credit cards), I only had a few hundred per month for "gas and groceries" and professional expenses...or so I thought.
At first making this NYR, I felt relatively comfortable doing it. But I didn't think about all the "uh-ohs" that come with life, like car maintenance, and new tires if you get a nail in your tire, and doctor visits, and medical prescriptions. I was so short-sighted to think that after paying all bills, "gas and groceries" was all that would be left. As each "uh-oh" event came (and they did), if I didn't have enough cash from my paycheck, I'd be forced to use my credit cards. Since my credit card debt has been on a steady incline in the past few years, this NYR was particularly designed to keep me from adding to it.
-NO impulse spending
-NO stupid justifications for any unnecessary purchases
-NO movie or restaurant outings unless someone else paid
-Want the DVD? Wait for it to be available on Netflix
-Want a new single, soundtrack, or album? Ask for iTunes gift cards for your birthday or Christmas. (I teach music for a living, so this was ESPECIALLY difficult!)
The only eating out I allowed myself was usually fast food when I needed to eat, and didn't have enough time to go home and eat. That was justifiable.
So where do I stand now? I've almost made it through November with one month left to go. In retrospect, I can say this: My fast hasn't been perfect. It could've been better. There are plenty of things I've wanted to buy and didn't. I've fought many moments of seeing something online or in-store that I wanted, and thinking, Fuck it. I'll just charge it, and resisted the urge.
Like I said earlier, it was my goal/hope that I'd pay off a good chunk of my credit card debt through this NYR. Well, because of life, that didn't happen. Instead, my credit card debt increased. Why? A few factors could be to blame:
-I should've driven around less. That would've saved gas, giving me more cash to use per month to refrain from using credit cards.
-I gave to charities - granted, not much - thinking that despite my intention to reduce debt, I'd receive some sort of Good Samaritan blessing from God for giving even when I didn't have anything to give. Though the effect this could've had on my debt is undoubtedly minimal, I know it played a role, but I don't regret doing it either.
-I could've gotten a summer job teaching music at one of those after-school academies, and though I had the opportunity, I was lazy and let it pass me by. The extra income would've reduced the amount I charged for necessities during the summer, and would've made the summer a LOT more financially bearable.
Over the past 7 months, or so, I had some credit card adventures, too. And by that, I mean taking advantage of certain offers or promotions a card offered to help save money. I consider it an adventure because I had never done balance transfers before. First time for everything, right?
I have 4 credit cards (from lowest limit to highest):
-Chase MC (lowest limit, with a 12% APR, with points rewards)
-AMEX (9.9% APR, with cash back rewards for Costco)
-Discover (14% APR, with points rewards)
-Citi MC (16.99% APR, with cash back rewards)
The AMEX is a joint account with my partner. I don't pay on that one, he does.
As for the others, let me break it down as to what happened in these "adventures".
-At the start of the fast, my Disc and Chase had BIG balances, and my Citi, with a LARGE limit, was clean. I hated paying 2 credit card bills each month, so I checked Citi to see if there was a balance transfer promotion. There was.
-I transferred my Disc and Chase balances to Citi with a promotion that gave me 0% APR until March of 2012. And I'd still have plenty of room to charge if necessary (i.e., when my cash ran out, and I needed things). Well, over the next few months, plenty of "life happens" events took place requiring me to charge, and my Citi balance sky rocketed to where I was closer to my limit than I wanted to be. (I also was okay with using the Citi because I knew that even though I was increasing my debt, I'd earn a cash back check eventually...and I did; a whopping $50.) Damn, I wish there was a font for sarcasm!
-Knowing I needed "space" on my Citi, I looked at my Disc again (as it had the 2nd highest limit of all my cards), and lo and behold, they had a balance transfer option too, until March (or April) 2012.
-So, I took a big chunk of the balance from Citi, and put it back on the Disc, which left me more room on my Citi to continue charging when necessary. For a few months, I was able to not charge on my Disc at all. But my Citi balance continued to increase to where I needed to stop charging there, and start charging on Disc instead. Why? When I've paid my statements this year, I've really only paid the minimum payment because that way, I could satisfy my card agreement, and still have cash to use. The more I paid off, the less cash I had to make it through the month, which would force me to charge on the card even sooner, thereby essentially canceling out whatever extra I paid on the card.
-Since I had two monster balances on my Citi and Disc, I looked to my favorite financial institution, RBFCU, and learned about their credit card and balance transfer options. So, I thought, I'll apply and transfer everything to that card since they're such a bad-ass-awesome institution, and I'm tired of dealing with big banks. Well, I applied, and though my credit is okay, I have too many financial obligations to take on a 3rd balance transfer of the amount I needed. So, I'm stuck paying 2 cards for a little while.
So here's my plan for the rest of the year:
1. Keep the fast going and charge on Disc as that has more room than the Citi does through the end of the year.
2. Once I get my tax statements (either Dec. or Jan.) and get my IRS refund in January (yes, I file QUICKLY), I'll use a large chunk of it to pay down my car, unless I can pay it off (it's final payment is supposed to be June 2012).
3. Once the car is paid off, use that money to pay the cards, or by then reapply for the RBFCU cards I was initially declined. By then, I'll have one less bill to pay per month.
We'll see how this plan works.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Memories of my 20s, and related reflections
Today is my 365th day of being a 29-year-old. In about 12 hours, I'll be turning 30. My 20s will be over and will never come back again. Ever.
On my way to work this morning, I took a moment to reminisce on each of my last 10 birthdays.
Thank you God for each and every blessing that surrounds me on a daily basis! I know I don't deserve my blessings, but the depths of my gratitude are unending! I really look at everything that's part of my life, and know I've done nothing to deserve any of it.
Thank you parents and siblings for pushing me, loving me, and teaching me how to get to the successful life I live today.
Thank you, friends, who laugh at my stupid jokes, especially the irreverent ones, for forgiving me when I make mistakes that hurt you, and for letting me be me.
I want to name names of people who have been very important in this decade of my life, but if I do that, I'll be here even longer when I should really be in bed.
If you're reading this, and you know me personally somehow, thank you for being in my life and making it worthwhile.
*sigh* Okay, 30s. Here we go.
On my way to work this morning, I took a moment to reminisce on each of my last 10 birthdays.
- 20 - At home in Laredo, with family, a few friends, and later went to my cousin's house to hang out some more.
- 21 - Went to Chili's with my parents and siblings, and had an alcoholic beverage, I think the Presidente Margarita, and drank it...but didn't finish it.
- 22 - Parents were out of town. I hosted a party at my house, with their permission, and invited my music major friends, and a few professors I started to establish friendships with. I also invited my Godparents. It was my intention to bring together 3 different circles of friends: classmates, professors, and family. The evening was slightly socially awkward as I spent more time with my classmates than my profs and Godparents, leaving them to entertain themselves. The profs and Godparents left, and the classmates stayed to party more.
- 23 - In grad school, and went to a meeting of the American Sign Language Club where I received my official name sign. It was so exciting!
- 24 - Still in grad school, went to San Antonio to a gay karaoke club with a small group of friends and my boyfriend at the time. It was there I got drunk for the first time, and it was a horrible experience...the getting drunk part.
- 25 - Working on my thesis and living with my partner whom I met 5 months earlier. Parents, sister, bro-in-law, nephew and niece came to Austin, and we ate dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. We also had breakfast at a local favorite restaurant.
- 26 - My first year teaching. I don't really remember what happened that day.
- 27 - Started teaching at a new school. Got a nice treat out with my co-workers, sweet birthday cards, and a BIG candy from other teachers. Frank and I had moved into our house, and I sat with him at the breakfast table starting to cry because I was upset that I no longer felt the excitement and "magic" of birthdays. I didn't care that I was turning 27, I was just depressed that, for the first time ever, I wasn't excited about my birthday.
- 28 - At my current school, my team decorated my classroom, made me a beautiful card, and took me to lunch. A lovely day.
- 29 - Same team surprised me with hysterical cards as I repeated how it was my last year in my 20s. They took me out to lunch, and we had a wonderful time together.
- I don't just have shelter. I have a home I love and can afford.
- I don't just live with a friend. I have a life partner who accepts me as I am completely, and loves me, unconditionally without reservation, who is honest with me, makes me laugh...hard...respects me, guides me, teaches me, and pushes me to become a better me.
- I'm not taking any prescription medication that my life depends on to function. I'm completely healthy.
- I'm not just educated, I hold a Bachelor's and Master's degree.
- I don't just have a job. I have a career that I'm good at, that I was trained for, that I enjoy, and get paid to do. You can't have a better situation than that.
- I not only have a car, but I drive THE car I wanted.
- My parents are alive, healthy, and still happily married for almost 40 years. They're also totally supportive of my partner's and my relationship.
- My siblings are happily married, healthy, and proud parents of great kids.
- I don't just have money, but I'm in a financially manageable position that will be improving greatly very soon.
- I don't just have friends, I have BEST friends who love me, encourage me, and support me in everything I am and do.
- I don't just speak English, I also speak Spanish, know Sign Language, and have excellent spelling and grammar skills.
- I don't just have colleagues, but colleagues that feel like family.
- I don't just have bosses, but I have leaders who treat me with respect, dignity, and are always there to support me.
- I don't just have kids, but I have the best dogs I've ever had.
Thank you God for each and every blessing that surrounds me on a daily basis! I know I don't deserve my blessings, but the depths of my gratitude are unending! I really look at everything that's part of my life, and know I've done nothing to deserve any of it.
Thank you parents and siblings for pushing me, loving me, and teaching me how to get to the successful life I live today.
Thank you, friends, who laugh at my stupid jokes, especially the irreverent ones, for forgiving me when I make mistakes that hurt you, and for letting me be me.
I want to name names of people who have been very important in this decade of my life, but if I do that, I'll be here even longer when I should really be in bed.
If you're reading this, and you know me personally somehow, thank you for being in my life and making it worthwhile.
*sigh* Okay, 30s. Here we go.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I have a (stupid) problem that's all in my head
My partner Frank went to the University of Texas at Austin and is therefore a Longhorn. My brother and some other extended family are Longhorns. My mentor in college who changed my life in helping me start my career is a Longhorn. I live in Austin, home of the Longhorns. Cars everywhere (including Frank's) are adorned with chrome Longhorn emblems. Our home address (and other neightbors' addresses) are painted in burnt orange on driveway entrance with the Longhorn logo in white. We have a MASSIVE Bevo stuffed animal that we won at Dave & Busters (an adult Chuck E. Cheese). Frank owns several Longhorn polo shirts and t-shirts.We have Longhorn decor inside our home. Frank's car also has a UT license plate frame, and tire caps.
Here's my problem. I never attended UT, and in my mind, I can't buy myself any merchandise supporting a university I never attended, much less never graduated from.
*sigh* I know it's no big deal. There are plenty of people all decked out in their UT glory, and they'll do it for one, some, or all of the following reasons:
1. They graduated from UT.
2. They're hardcore college football fans and are die-hard UT supporters.
3. Someone they know goes or went there.
4. They support UT's programs.
5. Anything else that gives them an excuse to buy UT merchandise.
In my mind, I can't personally connect to UT unless I'm a student or alumnus of the university. I've been to college. I attended Texas A&M International University (Dustdevils) in Laredo, my hometown. From there, I was determined to apply and be accepted to UT for my Master's, and got rejected, so I ended up at and graduated from Texas State University (Bobcats - aka Southwest Texas State University). After finishing, I wanted to pursue my Ph.D. at UT, and got rejected again. I believe I could've been accepted to UT as an undergrad, but I elected to stay at home because it would be much less expensive, plus my mentor taught there, and I wanted to stay with him. I don't regret that decision. I'm proud of my education from TAMIU.
But I long to be a Longhorn, an official Longhorn.
The only way for me to conform to my mind's issue is to apply and be accepted to UT to earn another degree, but I already have my Bachelor's and Master's, so all that's left is my Ph.D., and UT Ph.D. programs are EXTREMELY competitive. You stand a much greater chance of being accepted if you're already a UT student, than if you've never been there before. I know which program I'd like to apply for (Music and Human Learning), but I'm not in the position right now to pursue the most difficult degree out there. Not to mention, I probably don't possess the maturity or commitment required of such a demanding program. So I start thinking to myself, Should I get another Bachelor's or Master's degree? If I get another graduate degree, I'd have to take the GRE again...which. I. loathe...and take enough time to brush up on all kinds of things the School of Music would test me on. I know I'm too lazy to commit myself to that...right now, at least.
I've been reminded that since we are season ticket holders to the UT Performing Arts events, I have every reason to buy myself Longhorn merchandise, but to me, it's not the same.
I yearn to be an official Longhorn, especially since I've been denied the opportunity twice.
It's one of my greatest dreams to be a UT student, and hold a diploma from this reputable institution, one that claims "What starts here changes the world." I could be on campus somewhere, walking through and see all the students with backpacks, knowing they're students, and I think to myself, What do they have that I don't?
I've been telling Frank that I want the Ph.D. because it's the highest degree one can earn, and if earned from UT, then your degree has that much more weight (that's just how I see it). I know that if you want a Ph.D. just so you can be addressed as "Dr. So-and-so," that's probably the worst reason to earn one. However, what I'm starting to realize is that I don't just want to have those 3 letters after my name on an e-mail signature or business card. It would be awesome to hold that degree from there, but I just genuinely want to be accepted to UT.
What made this harder to deal with is that since the Ph.D. is the last degree I'd be interested in earning, I refuse to go out of state to earn it. In Texas, I've checked, and without relocating, UT is the closest and ONLY university that offers a Ph.D. in my chosen field...THE ONLY ONE.
I own TAMIU and Texas State merchandise, and I wear and use them with great pride...because I went and graduated from there. I have a TAMIU license plate frame, a Texas Sate Alumni license plate frame, a chrome Bobcat on my car, a TAMIU and Texas State polo and t-shirt, and I still have my old student IDs. Both of my diplomas are proudly framed in my room with their respective pennants right beside them.
But now I feel stuck. I even spoke to my mom about this, and in my current career, teaching elementary music, I'm making the most money I can make since I have a Master's. Earning a Ph.D. would NOT increase my salary at all, so there's no financial incentive. However, Frank's also reminded me that earning a Ph.D or another Bachelor's or Master's could give me different career opportunities as well.
It's such a stupid thing that resides in my mind. And the worst part is that I can't seem to get around it. It feels like I HAVE to be a UT student to truly connect with this city, and all the burnt orange glory that surrounds me daily.
All that being said, "HOOK 'EM!"
Friday, September 23, 2011
Stop it. NOW!
I'm going to warn you that though I try to refrain from using obscenities in my blog, this post will have plenty. What will I discuss? How ANOTHER gay teen has killed himself because of bullying. In this post, I will get political, religious, snarky, rude, and dirty. If you're fine with that, keep reading. If not, close the window reading this quote from Lady Gaga who responded to the boy's suicide:
"Bullying should be illegal. It's a hate crime."
I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher, and I'm openly gay to family, friends, and colleagues. I draw the line with my students. Still, I can't help but wonder what will happen to my 5th graders, especially the boys? What will they be like? How will they treat others different than them? Will they run away in fear and ignorance, or will they stand up for someone bullied and help to stop it? Will they be bullied themselves?
Last year, the nation's attention was given to a crisis in gay teen suicides. This got a hail storm of commentary from progressives and conservatives alike. Last year, we lost plenty of gay teens at such a young age, and I'm sure there were plenty more whose deaths didn't reach the media spotlight the way others' deaths did. Well, it has happened again. Yes, again. What. the. FUCK?! Have we learned NOTHING from last year? Yes, I know Dan Savage created the It Gets Better project, which is a godsend in social issues and suicide prevention. The Trevor Project exists for this very purpose, to prevent a gay kid from taking his or her life!
When I reflect on all this, there are so many things that come to my mind. So many things I want to say, so many people I want to tell off, so many judgments I make about others who SUPPORT anti-gay sentiments.
I remember reading an article about some fucking asshole in the Tea Party who actually said that gay bullying was "healthy peer pressure." What the fuck is this asshole smoking? I guess I better beat up his fat white ass and tell him it's good for him!
Will I put blame on people? Yes, in fact I will. I blame "Christians." I blame socially conservative politicians. If you vote Republican, you have a hand in this too. If you support conservative politicians, they fight against laws that would make life easier for us gay people...let me rephrase that - laws that would make us EQUALS to those hypocritical fuckers! They lecture the rest of us on the importance of ethics and morality while they're on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. Then they have the balls to tell us that gay people getting married will destroy the sanctity of marriage. Sorry, asshole, but you've done that already when you divorced your first wife and cheated on her with a prostitute!
I just want someone to explain to me why if you claim to love God, and chances are that Jamey's bullies came from conservative families (and conservative families typically have strong religious backgrounds), WHY AND HOW COULD YOU PUSH SOMEONE TO COMMIT SUICIDE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! If you drive someone to suicide, you do realize that the person taking their own life is someone's son or daughter, right? You get that, don't you? Your treatment of that human being was so grotesque and hurtful, that they could NOT cope and felt that death was a better option than facing you. How can you be so cruel and heartless?! This kind of thing is beyond my comprehension!
"Well, in the Bible it says..." Bull-fucking-shit! You use the Bible to justify all your hatred and prejudice. Get a fucking dictionary, and find a Biblical scholar and learn about the context in which all that was written. You wanna quote Leviticus? Fine. If you keep reading, unless you're not formally educated enough to read all those big words, you'd also see how it also bans eating seafood (shellfish) and playing football (pig skin)! Hell, you heteros aren't even allowed to touch a woman when she's on her period!
"Well, St. Paul said this in his letter..." Wait. Was he God? NO! He was a human being just like you. Back then, they knew NOTHING about what we know now regarding sexuality! Hell, even back then, some Greek men were fucking each other. Romans did it too!
To me, the most important part of the Bible is the gospels, you know, where Jesus is actually quoted. And nowhere...NOWHERE does he ever mention homosexuality. He never condemns it. The closest he ever comes, to condemning anything, in fact, is when that adulteress cries at his feet, and when she says that no one has condemned her, he says, "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now, and sin no more." Look it up. It's there.
I dare you...I *DARE* YOU to bully someone with Jesus right next to you. Oh wait...if you consider yourself a Christian, then you already believe that God is everywhere, and lives within us, right? So when you BULLY someone, you're DIRECTLY. HURTING. GOD!
So many of you Christians are so fucking backwards in your thinking! You treat this religion like it's some sort of elite club and you can be all exclusive and stay away from all the sinners. News flash: YOU'RE A SINNER TOO! And when you BULLY, YOU'RE SINNING! BULLYING IS A SIN because you're HURTING someone else! This automatically violates the whole Golden Rule that Jesus himself mentioned about loving others as yourself. And then you have the balls to tell your victim that THEY are going to hell? What the fucking fuck is wrong with YOU? You're a HYPOCRITE!
Every slur, every insult, every joke is another stab to the chest. When you bully, you're sending a message that your victim's existence is not welcome in your world. And you know what? Your victim had no control over their own birth. So why do you have to hate on them? WHY? What good does it bring about? You're not making anything better, only worse.
To anyone out there who's been a bully to someone else for any reason:
FUCK. YOU.
"Bullying should be illegal. It's a hate crime."
I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher, and I'm openly gay to family, friends, and colleagues. I draw the line with my students. Still, I can't help but wonder what will happen to my 5th graders, especially the boys? What will they be like? How will they treat others different than them? Will they run away in fear and ignorance, or will they stand up for someone bullied and help to stop it? Will they be bullied themselves?
Last year, the nation's attention was given to a crisis in gay teen suicides. This got a hail storm of commentary from progressives and conservatives alike. Last year, we lost plenty of gay teens at such a young age, and I'm sure there were plenty more whose deaths didn't reach the media spotlight the way others' deaths did. Well, it has happened again. Yes, again. What. the. FUCK?! Have we learned NOTHING from last year? Yes, I know Dan Savage created the It Gets Better project, which is a godsend in social issues and suicide prevention. The Trevor Project exists for this very purpose, to prevent a gay kid from taking his or her life!
When I reflect on all this, there are so many things that come to my mind. So many things I want to say, so many people I want to tell off, so many judgments I make about others who SUPPORT anti-gay sentiments.
I remember reading an article about some fucking asshole in the Tea Party who actually said that gay bullying was "healthy peer pressure." What the fuck is this asshole smoking? I guess I better beat up his fat white ass and tell him it's good for him!
Will I put blame on people? Yes, in fact I will. I blame "Christians." I blame socially conservative politicians. If you vote Republican, you have a hand in this too. If you support conservative politicians, they fight against laws that would make life easier for us gay people...let me rephrase that - laws that would make us EQUALS to those hypocritical fuckers! They lecture the rest of us on the importance of ethics and morality while they're on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. Then they have the balls to tell us that gay people getting married will destroy the sanctity of marriage. Sorry, asshole, but you've done that already when you divorced your first wife and cheated on her with a prostitute!
I just want someone to explain to me why if you claim to love God, and chances are that Jamey's bullies came from conservative families (and conservative families typically have strong religious backgrounds), WHY AND HOW COULD YOU PUSH SOMEONE TO COMMIT SUICIDE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! If you drive someone to suicide, you do realize that the person taking their own life is someone's son or daughter, right? You get that, don't you? Your treatment of that human being was so grotesque and hurtful, that they could NOT cope and felt that death was a better option than facing you. How can you be so cruel and heartless?! This kind of thing is beyond my comprehension!
"Well, in the Bible it says..." Bull-fucking-shit! You use the Bible to justify all your hatred and prejudice. Get a fucking dictionary, and find a Biblical scholar and learn about the context in which all that was written. You wanna quote Leviticus? Fine. If you keep reading, unless you're not formally educated enough to read all those big words, you'd also see how it also bans eating seafood (shellfish) and playing football (pig skin)! Hell, you heteros aren't even allowed to touch a woman when she's on her period!
"Well, St. Paul said this in his letter..." Wait. Was he God? NO! He was a human being just like you. Back then, they knew NOTHING about what we know now regarding sexuality! Hell, even back then, some Greek men were fucking each other. Romans did it too!
To me, the most important part of the Bible is the gospels, you know, where Jesus is actually quoted. And nowhere...NOWHERE does he ever mention homosexuality. He never condemns it. The closest he ever comes, to condemning anything, in fact, is when that adulteress cries at his feet, and when she says that no one has condemned her, he says, "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now, and sin no more." Look it up. It's there.
I dare you...I *DARE* YOU to bully someone with Jesus right next to you. Oh wait...if you consider yourself a Christian, then you already believe that God is everywhere, and lives within us, right? So when you BULLY someone, you're DIRECTLY. HURTING. GOD!
So many of you Christians are so fucking backwards in your thinking! You treat this religion like it's some sort of elite club and you can be all exclusive and stay away from all the sinners. News flash: YOU'RE A SINNER TOO! And when you BULLY, YOU'RE SINNING! BULLYING IS A SIN because you're HURTING someone else! This automatically violates the whole Golden Rule that Jesus himself mentioned about loving others as yourself. And then you have the balls to tell your victim that THEY are going to hell? What the fucking fuck is wrong with YOU? You're a HYPOCRITE!
Every slur, every insult, every joke is another stab to the chest. When you bully, you're sending a message that your victim's existence is not welcome in your world. And you know what? Your victim had no control over their own birth. So why do you have to hate on them? WHY? What good does it bring about? You're not making anything better, only worse.
To anyone out there who's been a bully to someone else for any reason:
FUCK. YOU.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
I will NOT lose my voice
Over the years, especially since coming out, I've been criticized a few times for being very "out there" and "in-your-face" about all kinds of things, but mostly about letting people know I'm gay, and being extremely outspoken about my opinions and beliefs.
"Why do you always have to bring it up?"
"Why are you imposing your opinions on us?"
"It seems like you're out to change people's minds."
"Can you give it a rest or tone it down?"
"You're always posting something gay on Facebook. Would you please stop? I'm tired of seeing it."
These are some of the critical questions that have been asked of me over the years. So let me answer each question.
"Why do you always have to bring it up?" Because I live with it. It's part of my daily life, and I HATE being one of the many who fears holding hands with my partner in public, the way boyfriends and girlfriends do, because someone may want to attack me for it. Silence = death. I will bring it up over and over until I can live my life as fearlessly and freely as you do.
"Why are you imposing your opinions on us?" Because people like you tell people like me that our relationships are invalid, that we're "intrinsically disordered," (Catholic Church) that we're going to hell, that it's a sin, that we can "pray the gay away," and just about every other demoralizing opinion and judgment that you shove down our throats. Have YOU ever sat in a church and listened to the pastor attack people like you? Have you ever sat in a confessional where the priest won't even finish your confession time because he doesn't know how to handle you? Because that's happened to me. Also there's a difference: your opinions hurt. Mine are just inconvenient for you.
"It seems like you're out to change people's minds." I am. I'm an educator. Too many people out there are misinformed by other ignorant people with big microphones. Educators look for the facts and share them because our job is to turn ignorance into awareness. A few days ago, my students didn't know what the National Anthem was. Now, not only do they know it, but they know the history behind it. It's easier to remain in your beliefs and cling to them than sit down and challenge their validity.
"Can you give it a rest or tone it down?" No! As long as I'm labeled as a "barbarian" (Michele Bachmann's husband called us that), and other such petty insults I refuse to "tone it down." If anything all the hate that's out there needs to be toned down and given a rest!
"You're always posting something gay on Facebook. Would you please stop? I'm tired of seeing it." No, I will NOT lose my voice. There are soldiers in the trenches dying to defend our rights. The least I can do is exercise them! I'm a 2nd class citizen in my own state because I'm denied over 1,000 rights and benefits simply because I can't marry the person I love. I will post and post and post. If you don't like it, hide my posts or unfriend me. I don't care. But do NOT ask me to censure myself when every post I share is intended to expose facts and truth about the daily ordeals people like me face. If you don't want to see it, then block me, hide me, or disconnect from me. I'd rather you turn your head than have you cover my mouth.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. One of the greatest hypocrisies in this country is how we tell everyone to be themselves. We preach it, especially to our adolescent youth, and when they do, they can risk being bullied for it. As a result, I'll be loud and relentless.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss
"All that's necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke
"Why do you always have to bring it up?"
"Why are you imposing your opinions on us?"
"It seems like you're out to change people's minds."
"Can you give it a rest or tone it down?"
"You're always posting something gay on Facebook. Would you please stop? I'm tired of seeing it."
These are some of the critical questions that have been asked of me over the years. So let me answer each question.
"Why do you always have to bring it up?" Because I live with it. It's part of my daily life, and I HATE being one of the many who fears holding hands with my partner in public, the way boyfriends and girlfriends do, because someone may want to attack me for it. Silence = death. I will bring it up over and over until I can live my life as fearlessly and freely as you do.
"Why are you imposing your opinions on us?" Because people like you tell people like me that our relationships are invalid, that we're "intrinsically disordered," (Catholic Church) that we're going to hell, that it's a sin, that we can "pray the gay away," and just about every other demoralizing opinion and judgment that you shove down our throats. Have YOU ever sat in a church and listened to the pastor attack people like you? Have you ever sat in a confessional where the priest won't even finish your confession time because he doesn't know how to handle you? Because that's happened to me. Also there's a difference: your opinions hurt. Mine are just inconvenient for you.
"It seems like you're out to change people's minds." I am. I'm an educator. Too many people out there are misinformed by other ignorant people with big microphones. Educators look for the facts and share them because our job is to turn ignorance into awareness. A few days ago, my students didn't know what the National Anthem was. Now, not only do they know it, but they know the history behind it. It's easier to remain in your beliefs and cling to them than sit down and challenge their validity.
"Can you give it a rest or tone it down?" No! As long as I'm labeled as a "barbarian" (Michele Bachmann's husband called us that), and other such petty insults I refuse to "tone it down." If anything all the hate that's out there needs to be toned down and given a rest!
"You're always posting something gay on Facebook. Would you please stop? I'm tired of seeing it." No, I will NOT lose my voice. There are soldiers in the trenches dying to defend our rights. The least I can do is exercise them! I'm a 2nd class citizen in my own state because I'm denied over 1,000 rights and benefits simply because I can't marry the person I love. I will post and post and post. If you don't like it, hide my posts or unfriend me. I don't care. But do NOT ask me to censure myself when every post I share is intended to expose facts and truth about the daily ordeals people like me face. If you don't want to see it, then block me, hide me, or disconnect from me. I'd rather you turn your head than have you cover my mouth.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. One of the greatest hypocrisies in this country is how we tell everyone to be themselves. We preach it, especially to our adolescent youth, and when they do, they can risk being bullied for it. As a result, I'll be loud and relentless.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss
"All that's necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke
Saturday, September 3, 2011
One shirt, one message, TONS of reactions
Nowadays, we use t-shirts as forms of communicating something, complete with messages and even graphics. Shirts' messages can be short and sweet, inspiring, funny, serious, provocative, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, or make other pop culture references that will elicit a giggle to passers-by who glance at the shirt someone is wearing. And usually the more clever they are, the more consumer interest they earn.
Being an elementary teacher, I've come across plenty of shirts that say cute, silly things. Others say more questionable things that make me wonder why the parent bought the child the shirt in the first place.
Of all the ones I've seen of questionable taste, 2 come to mind very strongly:
1. "This is what trouble looks like." (with an arrow pointing up at the child's face)
And so far, most controversial of all, and the reason behind this post:
2. "I'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me."
http://j.mp/rdEWMM
This 2nd shirt has caused a HUGE reaction among consumer parents. I've found I have different reactions to it as well, with each reaction coming from a different perspective.
As a consumer: "That's a stupid shirt. Who'd wanna buy that?"
As a teacher: "How DARE they?!"
As a male feminist: "Dear God, they're sending the WRONG message to girls!"
As a teacher witnessing parents' behaviors: "If a child is wearing it, it says more about the parent than the child."
In this capitalistic society we live in, where you can make money on just about anything, we as consumers have the right to decide if we want to buy anything or not. If you don't like a product, don't buy it. It's a t-shirt with what was clearly intended to be a silly, (cute?), sassy message, nevertheless, a message that has the strong potential to convey to girls that being beautiful and smart are mutually exclusive.
It also adds fuel to the flame of the pop culture in reality TV of people who behave abhorrently in certain social situations. These TV shows depict people in some of the most mindless and immature dramatic situations. In these shows, girls are more interested in how they look, and use that to advance in their world.
Forget school, forget starting a career. I need to look like a badass. Watch me as I buy new clothes, party, drink and pass out, fight with my roommates, and divulge my feelings on camera where I badmouth those around me...and then act like we're really besties.
These people are put on camera, sent into our living rooms, and glorified. It's my belief that many Americans who watch shows like Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of [Wherever], Bridezillas and other such reality shows do so because they want to feel better about themselves by watching others act so stupidly. I'm basing my judgments on these shows on clips I've seen of each. I have no interest of investing any of my time in watching even a single episode from start to finish...because it'd only upset me. I'd be annoyed, embarrassed and disappointed knowing that TV producers know that Americans are entertained by such mindless, stupid TV.
The one show I haven't seen, even clips of, is Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I can give the K sisters credit in their support for LGBT rights, and I know they're very fashionable and rich, considering that Kim's wedding cost a reported $3 million (heard that on the radio). But I've never seen even a clip...only pictures on magazine covers. And all 3 sisters posed in the international NOH8 photo shoot campaign.
I know it's only one girl, but she was my former student who was very opinionated...about everything, was slightly proud of her streak of getting into trouble, and one of her idols was Kim Kardashian. She was also in 5th grade, now she's in 6th. At this age, and these are the things on her mind? It worries me as an educator.
Since Snooki is a household name now, I wonder what she and her Jersey Shore cast mates would think about this JCPenney t-shirt? Would they say, "Omg, this is SO CUTE!" Or would they respond harshly to it?
I'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me.
Because of the immediate, intense reactions that consumers had and discussed in their blogs online and elsewhere, JCPenney immediately pulled the shirt from its inventory and discontinued it. They also issued a statement of apology reaffirming their commitment to consumers to put out high quality merchandise that serves to benefit society in style and fashion.
This whole thing really affirms the expression "You are what you wear."
Being an elementary teacher, I've come across plenty of shirts that say cute, silly things. Others say more questionable things that make me wonder why the parent bought the child the shirt in the first place.
Of all the ones I've seen of questionable taste, 2 come to mind very strongly:
1. "This is what trouble looks like." (with an arrow pointing up at the child's face)
And so far, most controversial of all, and the reason behind this post:
2. "I'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me."
http://j.mp/rdEWMM
This 2nd shirt has caused a HUGE reaction among consumer parents. I've found I have different reactions to it as well, with each reaction coming from a different perspective.
As a consumer: "That's a stupid shirt. Who'd wanna buy that?"
As a teacher: "How DARE they?!"
As a male feminist: "Dear God, they're sending the WRONG message to girls!"
As a teacher witnessing parents' behaviors: "If a child is wearing it, it says more about the parent than the child."
In this capitalistic society we live in, where you can make money on just about anything, we as consumers have the right to decide if we want to buy anything or not. If you don't like a product, don't buy it. It's a t-shirt with what was clearly intended to be a silly, (cute?), sassy message, nevertheless, a message that has the strong potential to convey to girls that being beautiful and smart are mutually exclusive.
It also adds fuel to the flame of the pop culture in reality TV of people who behave abhorrently in certain social situations. These TV shows depict people in some of the most mindless and immature dramatic situations. In these shows, girls are more interested in how they look, and use that to advance in their world.
Forget school, forget starting a career. I need to look like a badass. Watch me as I buy new clothes, party, drink and pass out, fight with my roommates, and divulge my feelings on camera where I badmouth those around me...and then act like we're really besties.
These people are put on camera, sent into our living rooms, and glorified. It's my belief that many Americans who watch shows like Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of [Wherever], Bridezillas and other such reality shows do so because they want to feel better about themselves by watching others act so stupidly. I'm basing my judgments on these shows on clips I've seen of each. I have no interest of investing any of my time in watching even a single episode from start to finish...because it'd only upset me. I'd be annoyed, embarrassed and disappointed knowing that TV producers know that Americans are entertained by such mindless, stupid TV.
The one show I haven't seen, even clips of, is Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I can give the K sisters credit in their support for LGBT rights, and I know they're very fashionable and rich, considering that Kim's wedding cost a reported $3 million (heard that on the radio). But I've never seen even a clip...only pictures on magazine covers. And all 3 sisters posed in the international NOH8 photo shoot campaign.
I know it's only one girl, but she was my former student who was very opinionated...about everything, was slightly proud of her streak of getting into trouble, and one of her idols was Kim Kardashian. She was also in 5th grade, now she's in 6th. At this age, and these are the things on her mind? It worries me as an educator.
Since Snooki is a household name now, I wonder what she and her Jersey Shore cast mates would think about this JCPenney t-shirt? Would they say, "Omg, this is SO CUTE!" Or would they respond harshly to it?
I'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me.
Because of the immediate, intense reactions that consumers had and discussed in their blogs online and elsewhere, JCPenney immediately pulled the shirt from its inventory and discontinued it. They also issued a statement of apology reaffirming their commitment to consumers to put out high quality merchandise that serves to benefit society in style and fashion.
This whole thing really affirms the expression "You are what you wear."
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