Mine is. Right now, the marriage equality movement has returned to the political spotlight. There are those who support equality by saying things like "Love is love", or "Hate is not a family value". Naturally, I believe both statements are true.
My point in this post is something that has seemed to me to become increasingly ridiculous. In various states, marriage equality will be voted on to be legalized or repealed. We're getting closer to 1/5 of the country saying it's legal for same-sex couples to get legally married. Witnessing all this, two things come to mind:
1. I'm grateful to all the equality pioneers in decades past to fought and sacrificed to get our civil rights this far.
2. Why the fuck do straight people have to vote on OUR love lives when gay people NEVER voted on theirs?
Anyone? Anyone?!
Are you aware of how absolutely absurd it sounds when put into this perspective? Why should there even be any vote at all? WHY?! Even parents who don't approve of their child's chosen spouse don't get the chance to vote on it. They don't call up their Senator or Representative and say "I urge you to oppose this 'marriage'!"
You don't hear that, and you won't.
In politics right now, Rick Santorum is probably the most extreme social conservative I've ever seen on TV, as far as politicians go. I've even read that he, if elected (which we can all conclude he probably won't even be nominated), would force all currently legally married gay couples to get divorced. This coming from a Catholic who earned the endorsement of the evangelical right!
All the gay people he's hating on, they're each someone's child. He's a father of, like, 5 or 6 kids. How would he respond to someone "voting" against his kids' right to marry the person they love? He'd probably be all, "You have no right to have a say in my child's life this way!"
What, then, gives him and all those who think like him, the right to do that to us?
I have two friends in North Texas who have been together for years. And they've been married, legally married, in almost ever (if not every), state that offers it. My parents are going on their 40th anniversary August 2012, and neither my parents' nor my friends' marriages are on the rocks...because neither one has anything to do with the other!
But God intended marriage to be with one man and one woman.
There's a separation of church and state in this country. I'm not talking about the religious institution. I'm only talking about the legal right itself. Churches don't have to recognize gay couples' marriages unless they are affirming churches, then they will.
Children need a mother and a father!
Then what about those kids who lost one of them at a young age? Many, if not all, turn out just fine if their single parent is a devoted, loving parent. When parents have kids, those kids don't come with a set of instructions. Parents raise their children with the desire to love them and protect them no matter what. As the child grows, the parent may dream of the sorts of things they can share together. Stereotypically, the father may dream of his child being his high school star quarterback. Mom might see her daughter winning every dance competition. As typical as such hopes and dreams are, parents have a crossroads to face: let my child be who they are, and love them no matter what, or if their chosen interests fall outside of the norm, steer them into something more typical to prevent bullying from insensitive and prejudiced peers. If it's possible with one parent, it's possible with 2 same-sex parents. Further, no studies have shown that gay parenting is detrimental to kids.
Part of marriage is for procreating children, and gays can't do that!
So, what about the straight couples who learn they can't conceive? Should they be divorced? Also, gays can adopt and raise an excellent family, especially since the child they're adopting was probably abandoned by a heterosexual or taken away from one by social authorities.
Marriage has always been a sacred institution between a man and woman. We can't redefine it!
Marriage has evolved into the travesty it is now. It USED to be a business transaction where the woman was considered property. It was a social status, and a means for a man to acquire a male heir to continue his family's name. Now, just turn on the TV, and watch famous faces get married and divorced numerous times. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, but the divorce rate has shot up. Now we have shows like Bridezillas, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? that showcase grown-ups in televised competitions for love, and/or behaving abhorrently. If these shows were such an issue, you'd have conservatives fighting against these shows. But no one gives a crap about that.
If gays get married, it'll get our kids confused!
Not if you teach your child that everyone is different...which is true. People come in all varieties:
Short or tall, fat or thin, long or short hair, bald, numerous shades of skin, physical defects, eye colors, right- and left-handed, blind, deaf, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transgender. The list goes on and on. As long as you teach your child about human diversity, then children will look at gay people as another color in the rainbow.
Being gay is a choice!
Really? When did you choose to be straight? When? We're born this way. The choices we make are to accept or deny it, be
open or private about it, or remain celibate or find a life-long
partner. I, for one, chose to accept it, be open about it, and find a
life-long partner. The only way I can see being gay as a choice would be
for someone who's bisexual, and they choose to be with a same-sex partner.
If gay people get married, we'll see an increase in polygamy, adults wanting to marry kids, or adults wanting to marry animals or household appliances!
First off, yes, some equality opponents have stooped to this level of ignorance. Secondly, marriage is a legal contract, and neither animals, nor household appliances, nor children (without parental consent), can enter into legal contracts. It's a consensual thing.
If gays raise families, their children will turn gay, too!
So what do you say about all the straight parents who have gay kids? Every gay person out there is the product of a heterosexual union, not a gay one. It's nature, not nurture.
As I've watched our country become more accepting of the gay population, I do see hope for the future. As an elementary teacher, I see the younger kids I teach being oblivious to the outside differences between each other, which is beautiful. Looking at history, women received the right to vote in the early 20th century. Blacks went from being considered 3/5 of a human being, to receiving equal opportunity rights in the 1950s, to being allowed to marry outside their race. These are all great progressive accomplishments, but I'm saddened that civil rights, in general, have evolved into a vote.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
So THAT'S when it happens!
Being a teacher is an incredibly amazing career, especially being an elementary teacher. Professionally speaking, you're a professional who's trained to use all kinds of strategies to teach children about everything in their world. Additionally, you learn techniques to keep the behavior of 10-30 kids in check to keep learning going.
This post is inspired by a routine event that I experience at the end of each school day.
At the end of the day, when my last class has left, I go to the front office to pick up and deliver "transportation change" forms to their respective teachers (through which the teacher will find out which kid will go home differently than usual). I love doing this because I get out of my room, and get to briefly visit other teachers' classrooms while they're finishing up their last lesson of the day. A few times, I've walked into one 1st grade class where the kids were learning how to count coins (with plastic coins), learn their values, and how to put them together in different combinations thereby resulting in different amounts. They learn stuff like how many nickels go into a quarter, and how many dimes go into a dollar. I find it so fascinating and adorable!
Today really hit me for some reason. I went to the office and picked up a BUNCH of transportation change forms. The first few went to 1st grade classes. When I walked inside this one particular class, the room was silent. Upon completely walking in, I saw the teacher, my colleague, holding up a colorful yellow clock with red hour and minute hands. It was showing 2:30. Her students were all sitting, silently, using the evidence in front of them to figure out what time the clock showed. My colleague was speaking with a gentle "inside" voice. She has a little more than 10 kids in her class, 2 of them with special needs. Something about that moment floored me.
In that one moment, I realized I was witnessing moments in learning that adults may completely forget about (i.e., We may forget when we learned them). We take it for granted that we can do something as easy as tell time. And as our knowledge of math grows stronger and stronger, we eventually learn to use expressions like, "It's 10 'til", or "It's a quarter after 6." Looking back, I can remember taking that expression of "a quarter 'til or after" quite literally thinking that "It's a quarter after 6" really meant "It's 6:25".
If I think back to my childhood, I only have 1 very vivid memory of learning how to tell time. I was all dressed up on a stage with my classmates. This was a private, Catholic school, and our administrators, nuns, were sitting in the front row giving us different times. Each kid took turns showing off their skills. What I remember was that the clock we used was HUGE, like, taller than me. And I remember it being heavy. I must've been in kinder or 1st grade. Before the program, we were instructed to say "Would you please repeat that?" if we needed to hear it again. So it was my turn. The principal said the time (and I can't remember for the life of me what she said), but as I went to adjust the clock, the damn thing dropped down from its mount or shelf, and I caught it! I don't remember panicking, but I tried to pick it up, and it was too heavy. Seconds later, my teacher raced to the stage to put it back where it went, and nervously, I asked "Would you please repeat that?" The audience giggled, and with a smile, the principal kindly repeated the time. I displayed it, and earned my applause. That's all I remember.
These moments of learning that I witness are extremely special to me. And they make me proud to be a teacher, especially an elementary teacher. When I truly reflect on my job, I realize how extremely important it is. Typically, a child's first teacher is their parent during infancy through toddler years. Then the kid goes to school and they meet you and work with you. It's because of the impact teachers have on our lives that when asked the following 3 questions, the last one is always easiest to answer:
1. Who won the Superbowl in 2003? I have no clue.
2. Which pop star grossed the most in ticket sales in 1999? I can't remember that either.
3. Name the teacher who had the strongest impact on your life. Dr. Fritz Gechter, my college piano professor.
To all my fellow teachers reading this, and teacher supporters: We hold the world's future in our hands. Our job is the most important job in the world.
"Teaching is the most essential profession, without which no other profession is possible." -David Haselkorn
This post is inspired by a routine event that I experience at the end of each school day.
At the end of the day, when my last class has left, I go to the front office to pick up and deliver "transportation change" forms to their respective teachers (through which the teacher will find out which kid will go home differently than usual). I love doing this because I get out of my room, and get to briefly visit other teachers' classrooms while they're finishing up their last lesson of the day. A few times, I've walked into one 1st grade class where the kids were learning how to count coins (with plastic coins), learn their values, and how to put them together in different combinations thereby resulting in different amounts. They learn stuff like how many nickels go into a quarter, and how many dimes go into a dollar. I find it so fascinating and adorable!
Today really hit me for some reason. I went to the office and picked up a BUNCH of transportation change forms. The first few went to 1st grade classes. When I walked inside this one particular class, the room was silent. Upon completely walking in, I saw the teacher, my colleague, holding up a colorful yellow clock with red hour and minute hands. It was showing 2:30. Her students were all sitting, silently, using the evidence in front of them to figure out what time the clock showed. My colleague was speaking with a gentle "inside" voice. She has a little more than 10 kids in her class, 2 of them with special needs. Something about that moment floored me.
In that one moment, I realized I was witnessing moments in learning that adults may completely forget about (i.e., We may forget when we learned them). We take it for granted that we can do something as easy as tell time. And as our knowledge of math grows stronger and stronger, we eventually learn to use expressions like, "It's 10 'til", or "It's a quarter after 6." Looking back, I can remember taking that expression of "a quarter 'til or after" quite literally thinking that "It's a quarter after 6" really meant "It's 6:25".
If I think back to my childhood, I only have 1 very vivid memory of learning how to tell time. I was all dressed up on a stage with my classmates. This was a private, Catholic school, and our administrators, nuns, were sitting in the front row giving us different times. Each kid took turns showing off their skills. What I remember was that the clock we used was HUGE, like, taller than me. And I remember it being heavy. I must've been in kinder or 1st grade. Before the program, we were instructed to say "Would you please repeat that?" if we needed to hear it again. So it was my turn. The principal said the time (and I can't remember for the life of me what she said), but as I went to adjust the clock, the damn thing dropped down from its mount or shelf, and I caught it! I don't remember panicking, but I tried to pick it up, and it was too heavy. Seconds later, my teacher raced to the stage to put it back where it went, and nervously, I asked "Would you please repeat that?" The audience giggled, and with a smile, the principal kindly repeated the time. I displayed it, and earned my applause. That's all I remember.
These moments of learning that I witness are extremely special to me. And they make me proud to be a teacher, especially an elementary teacher. When I truly reflect on my job, I realize how extremely important it is. Typically, a child's first teacher is their parent during infancy through toddler years. Then the kid goes to school and they meet you and work with you. It's because of the impact teachers have on our lives that when asked the following 3 questions, the last one is always easiest to answer:
1. Who won the Superbowl in 2003? I have no clue.
2. Which pop star grossed the most in ticket sales in 1999? I can't remember that either.
3. Name the teacher who had the strongest impact on your life. Dr. Fritz Gechter, my college piano professor.
To all my fellow teachers reading this, and teacher supporters: We hold the world's future in our hands. Our job is the most important job in the world.
"Teaching is the most essential profession, without which no other profession is possible." -David Haselkorn
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The gift of blindness
One of my spiritual idols is Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I think now, according to the Catholic Church, she is called Blessed Mother Teresa. She hasn't been canonized as a saint...yet.
She became a major world figure because of her work with the poorest of the poor in India. She made it her mission to give love and hope to the homeless, sick, dying, and forgotten. She was able to see Jesus in anyone's eyes regardless of how they looked on the outside. You could be a leper with a seriously jacked up face, only a few fingers, and whatever other outwardly repulsive appearances. You could also look like Miss Universe, and both would get the same. treatment. She was blind to your outside, only focusing on your inside. She was able to see Jesus through the broken, bruised disguise of the poorest of the poor, and devoutly put into action his words "What you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me."
As humans, our eyes show us everything in our world. They're one of the organs we care most about, and the organs responsible for one of our five precious senses. When I've asked people, between hearing and sight, which sense they'd rather lose, the answer is almost always hearing. Granted, people who are physically blind can still survive in today's world with the help of a walking stick (if that's what they're called), or a seeing eye dog.
As 2012 makes its entrance, we're all questioning ourselves with whether or not we'll resolve to do anything differently; quit a bad habit, start a good one, or change anything. Last year, I resolved to not spend any money on things I wanted, only on things I needed. Though I didn't keep my resolution perfectly, it was on my mind DAILY.
This year, I really want Mother Teresa's level of blindness. I want to love people and see Jesus in everyone...even the people who...test me. I want to love people and see the good in them. I want to try to stop judging anyone for any reason. I want to stop being hypocritical about a number of things. But it's so. hard. to do.
I pray that God will bless me with this gift. Few have it, and when they possess it, they're capable of moving mountains with the same peace and love that Christ had when he forgave those who put him on the cross.
May God be with you this year, even if your resolution is to never make one.
She became a major world figure because of her work with the poorest of the poor in India. She made it her mission to give love and hope to the homeless, sick, dying, and forgotten. She was able to see Jesus in anyone's eyes regardless of how they looked on the outside. You could be a leper with a seriously jacked up face, only a few fingers, and whatever other outwardly repulsive appearances. You could also look like Miss Universe, and both would get the same. treatment. She was blind to your outside, only focusing on your inside. She was able to see Jesus through the broken, bruised disguise of the poorest of the poor, and devoutly put into action his words "What you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me."
As humans, our eyes show us everything in our world. They're one of the organs we care most about, and the organs responsible for one of our five precious senses. When I've asked people, between hearing and sight, which sense they'd rather lose, the answer is almost always hearing. Granted, people who are physically blind can still survive in today's world with the help of a walking stick (if that's what they're called), or a seeing eye dog.
As 2012 makes its entrance, we're all questioning ourselves with whether or not we'll resolve to do anything differently; quit a bad habit, start a good one, or change anything. Last year, I resolved to not spend any money on things I wanted, only on things I needed. Though I didn't keep my resolution perfectly, it was on my mind DAILY.
This year, I really want Mother Teresa's level of blindness. I want to love people and see Jesus in everyone...even the people who...test me. I want to love people and see the good in them. I want to try to stop judging anyone for any reason. I want to stop being hypocritical about a number of things. But it's so. hard. to do.
I pray that God will bless me with this gift. Few have it, and when they possess it, they're capable of moving mountains with the same peace and love that Christ had when he forgave those who put him on the cross.
May God be with you this year, even if your resolution is to never make one.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Why "The Oven"?
I googled "open oven pic" and found the background that now fits my blog. So the background has been appropriately changed to reflect the metaphor behind both my blog's name and purpose.
So, why do I call this blog "The Oven"? The name has a few references to it:
But you know what? I've discovered something. Though professionally, I'm an elementary music teacher (I'm certified in Texas to teach PK-12th grade; I hold two degrees in music, as well as a certificate in Kodály pedagogy), I've discovered that I love writing. I love expressing myself through writing. Every time I post a blog, I feel like one of those writers who has a piece in an op-ed of a nationally renowned newspaper, like The Washington Post or The New York Times. Blogs allow people to put their thoughts into writing, and share them with both friends, and even strangers around the world. I love languages, and grammar, and spelling. I love using big words like "obfuscate". Yes, it's real. They used it on The X-Files, and I looked it up because the word confused me, and then I learned that its denotation did exactly that.
But if I'm a professional musician who's certified to teach, and has an advanced degree in music, what do I like to do musically? I love to sing, play piano, experiment with other instruments. My instruments are piano and voice, primarily. I usually have no problem bursting into song while shopping. I adore karaoke, and I don't need to get plastered to get up to sing. I love concerts, and playing popular, classical, or original music on my piano or iPhone. When I'm driving, I'll look at the road in front of me as if there's a camera, and I'm shooting a music video. I love to teach music because I love showing kids how music works, and then I get that amazing feeling when they finally read, understand, and perform the "dots on the page". I love teaching music. I'm good at it, and I get paid to do it.
So, as much as I love teaching music and being a musician, I also love the written word. I can spend hours on my computer reading article after article, and then reading all the comments from other readers. Then I can click on some readers to find their blogs, and read about what they have to say about any topic. I consider myself a very social person. I love to know what people think about all kinds of stuff. I love having those conversations, as they help you get to know someone far beyond the surface of small talk. I feel like blogging is a great way to keep that conversation going. Through blogging, you can also find out, as you read, with whom you can have deep, intellectual conversations, and with whom you can probably only have civil conversations. And yes, there's a BIG difference.
This blog is a mental playground. When you go to a regular, real-life playground, you hear the shouts of children playing together, laughing, running freely. The sounds of this playground are the sounds of every keystroke on the keyboard as I type. I hear each keystroke as if it was one of the ingredients for the concoction that's about to be released from "the oven". I also envision a sheet of paper, with a pen in hand, where my hand, through a few symbolic writings, communicates the thoughts that reside in my mind. I can liken this image to one of the lyrics in the song "Breathe (2 AM)" by Anna Nalick:
So, anyway, that's why my blog is called "The Oven". I feel, also, that I communicate much better in writing than I do when I speak. I've been known, when speaking, to, well...not think before I speak. But when I write, I portray myself intelligently (I think), and if there's anything I probably shouldn't say, I can edit it before it's ready to be taken out of the oven of my mind.
So, why do I call this blog "The Oven"? The name has a few references to it:
- It's an extension of a nickname my friend Cindy gave me. We met when I was in graduate school, and she's the type that makes up nicknames for everyone, and everything. When trying to figure out a nickname for me, I told her how I once called my former piano professor and college mentor - whose name is Fritz - "Fritzbiscuit". Once I said that, she called me "Jimmybiscuit", and calls me "Biscuit" for short. And it's probably my favorite nickname, but only she and that circle of friends are allowed to call me that.
All that being said, biscuits are usually baked in an oven, and when they're done, they're ready to consume. So, I metaphorically refer to my mind as "the oven" where all my thoughts, opinions, and ideas come to fruition. Then they're ready to be shared with the world.
- Ovens always heat up when in use. That's how they work. And they can heat up to various degrees of heat depending on what they have inside. This refers to my love for hot topics. I particularly love to discuss progressive versus conservative politics, such as marriage equality, social issues, and other things. I'll also discuss my views on religion at times.
But you know what? I've discovered something. Though professionally, I'm an elementary music teacher (I'm certified in Texas to teach PK-12th grade; I hold two degrees in music, as well as a certificate in Kodály pedagogy), I've discovered that I love writing. I love expressing myself through writing. Every time I post a blog, I feel like one of those writers who has a piece in an op-ed of a nationally renowned newspaper, like The Washington Post or The New York Times. Blogs allow people to put their thoughts into writing, and share them with both friends, and even strangers around the world. I love languages, and grammar, and spelling. I love using big words like "obfuscate". Yes, it's real. They used it on The X-Files, and I looked it up because the word confused me, and then I learned that its denotation did exactly that.
But if I'm a professional musician who's certified to teach, and has an advanced degree in music, what do I like to do musically? I love to sing, play piano, experiment with other instruments. My instruments are piano and voice, primarily. I usually have no problem bursting into song while shopping. I adore karaoke, and I don't need to get plastered to get up to sing. I love concerts, and playing popular, classical, or original music on my piano or iPhone. When I'm driving, I'll look at the road in front of me as if there's a camera, and I'm shooting a music video. I love to teach music because I love showing kids how music works, and then I get that amazing feeling when they finally read, understand, and perform the "dots on the page". I love teaching music. I'm good at it, and I get paid to do it.
So, as much as I love teaching music and being a musician, I also love the written word. I can spend hours on my computer reading article after article, and then reading all the comments from other readers. Then I can click on some readers to find their blogs, and read about what they have to say about any topic. I consider myself a very social person. I love to know what people think about all kinds of stuff. I love having those conversations, as they help you get to know someone far beyond the surface of small talk. I feel like blogging is a great way to keep that conversation going. Through blogging, you can also find out, as you read, with whom you can have deep, intellectual conversations, and with whom you can probably only have civil conversations. And yes, there's a BIG difference.
This blog is a mental playground. When you go to a regular, real-life playground, you hear the shouts of children playing together, laughing, running freely. The sounds of this playground are the sounds of every keystroke on the keyboard as I type. I hear each keystroke as if it was one of the ingredients for the concoction that's about to be released from "the oven". I also envision a sheet of paper, with a pen in hand, where my hand, through a few symbolic writings, communicates the thoughts that reside in my mind. I can liken this image to one of the lyrics in the song "Breathe (2 AM)" by Anna Nalick:
Two AM, and I'm still awake writing a song.That is SUCH a good song!
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me,
threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd,
cause these words are my diary screamin' out loud,
and I know that you'll use them however you want to.
So, anyway, that's why my blog is called "The Oven". I feel, also, that I communicate much better in writing than I do when I speak. I've been known, when speaking, to, well...not think before I speak. But when I write, I portray myself intelligently (I think), and if there's anything I probably shouldn't say, I can edit it before it's ready to be taken out of the oven of my mind.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Be yourself.* (*Some restrictions apply)
I'm not sure where else besides Texas it may exist, but Texas is an "at will" state where employees can be fired "at will" of the employer. Granted, if you have given your employer a good reason to fire you, then by all means, you're screwed for poor conduct, or a poor choice of words or actions. The gay community has been advocating support for Congress to pass ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) which would protect people like me for getting fired simply because of our sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression. In Texas, we don't have that protection.
I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher. I'm an elementary teacher who loves his job, gets paid an amount that supports a comfortable lifestyle. I'm also an elementary teacher who happens to be gay. My colleagues know, but my students? If they do, they don't bring it up, and I keep it completely private because it's frankly none of their business. Besides, they're likely not old enough to understand what being gay means, unless they watch Glee or Modern Family. Boys that age are still repulsed by girls, and girls typically feel mutually.
I've made it a professional - and personal - goal to never lie to my students. Ever. If I do or say something where I truly am at fault, I'll take ownership of it to model the importance of responsibility and self-accountability. Because of my insistence in never lying to them, I've had to answer a question I'd prefer not to be asked:
Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes. [I used to say this because I truly do feel married...even though I honestly am not, legally or otherwise, but because I felt married, saying "Yes" was an honest response.]
That was during my first 2 years teaching. As the next few years went by, I re-evaluated this response and concluded that if I answer this question - which kids inevitably ask because they're naturally curious about their teachers' personal lives - I may get a follow-up question whose response could be honest, but not to my preference of honesty:
Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes.
Student: What's your wife's name?
I can't answer that question honestly unless I reply "That's private" or "None of your business." Technically, it's an honest answer. But, why is a spouse's name private? I don't think there's anything wrong with being asked that question. I find nothing invasive about it, except that I don't have a wife. So, in order to maintain my privacy, and still model honesty, I've changed my response to the first question:
Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.
I'm far more comfortable answering that, because I do feel like I'm being honest and protecting my privacy all at the same time. I just stop them early and prevent myself from having to lie about an even less private question. Of course once asked, and after answering, I change the subject immediately. I do wear my commitment ring on the appropriate finger. In fact, I never take it off. They can draw their own conclusions, I just won't help them do it. I've had a couple of students ask me this year:
Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.
Another student: See his ring? Of course he's married.
They're saying it; I'm not. The way I see it, they're drawing their own conclusion, and I'm not lying at all. I'm stating the truth, that some aspects of my personal life truly are none of their business. Further, I show them they won't get more information than "That's none of your business." Also, it gives their curiosity a dead end before they use it to probe further.
When I know I'm in safe environments, I'm free to be myself completely. But what if I go to a movie theatre, shopping center, park, or restaurant? So many couples show that they're someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife by simply holding hands in public. It's a strong, common social statement. Some go as far as to share a kiss among passers-by. Even if any of those straight couples are teachers like me, if they're spotted by a student, the student's reaction may be something like:
Student: Oh, there's my teacher! Hi! *waves*
Teacher: Hi there! *waves back*
But what if that teacher is me? Frank and I could be at the mall, and I may want to hold his hand. Harmless, right? What if a student was to see me holding him? When kids see their teacher in public somewhere outside school, the next day, they'll tell the teacher: "I saw you at [insert location here]!"
One night, around 8 or 9 pm, I went to Best Buy with Frank. It was a school night. Inside, I spotted one of my first grade students. I wasn't seen. The next morning, a 5th grader approached me:
Student: I saw you last night.
Me: Where? At the grocery store? (I had been there after leaving school that day.)
Student: No, at Best Buy.
Me: Oh, yes, I was there.
The scary part is that I never saw that student...but they saw me. Had I let myself be uninhibited that evening, that conversation wouldn't have ended there:
Student: You were holding another guy's hand!
How do I get out of that without lying?
Worst case scenario is that one of my students has the type of parents that are ignorant enough to think that if their child's teacher is gay, it may influence their child to be gay too, and then because there is no employment protection for gay people in Texas, I could lose my job since Texas is also an "at will" state. I realize I could be overreacting, but I don't want to risk it either.
Despite whatever sacrifice I, and other gay teachers may have to make in public to keep our income uninterrupted to pay bills, what upsets me more is a great hypocrisy in this country:
We teach children to "be yourself." There should be no asterisk (*) after that statement with fine print to read where "Some restrictions apply". When we add those restrictions, we place conditions on our love for our children. And our children are our future.
Kids learn differently, and schools, by law, accommodate them. Gay people love differently, and the workplace, by law, should accommodate us.
I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary teacher. I'm an elementary teacher who loves his job, gets paid an amount that supports a comfortable lifestyle. I'm also an elementary teacher who happens to be gay. My colleagues know, but my students? If they do, they don't bring it up, and I keep it completely private because it's frankly none of their business. Besides, they're likely not old enough to understand what being gay means, unless they watch Glee or Modern Family. Boys that age are still repulsed by girls, and girls typically feel mutually.
I've made it a professional - and personal - goal to never lie to my students. Ever. If I do or say something where I truly am at fault, I'll take ownership of it to model the importance of responsibility and self-accountability. Because of my insistence in never lying to them, I've had to answer a question I'd prefer not to be asked:
Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes. [I used to say this because I truly do feel married...even though I honestly am not, legally or otherwise, but because I felt married, saying "Yes" was an honest response.]
That was during my first 2 years teaching. As the next few years went by, I re-evaluated this response and concluded that if I answer this question - which kids inevitably ask because they're naturally curious about their teachers' personal lives - I may get a follow-up question whose response could be honest, but not to my preference of honesty:
Student: Are you married?
Me: Yes.
Student: What's your wife's name?
I can't answer that question honestly unless I reply "That's private" or "None of your business." Technically, it's an honest answer. But, why is a spouse's name private? I don't think there's anything wrong with being asked that question. I find nothing invasive about it, except that I don't have a wife. So, in order to maintain my privacy, and still model honesty, I've changed my response to the first question:
Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.
I'm far more comfortable answering that, because I do feel like I'm being honest and protecting my privacy all at the same time. I just stop them early and prevent myself from having to lie about an even less private question. Of course once asked, and after answering, I change the subject immediately. I do wear my commitment ring on the appropriate finger. In fact, I never take it off. They can draw their own conclusions, I just won't help them do it. I've had a couple of students ask me this year:
Student: Are you married?
Me: That's none of your business.
Another student: See his ring? Of course he's married.
They're saying it; I'm not. The way I see it, they're drawing their own conclusion, and I'm not lying at all. I'm stating the truth, that some aspects of my personal life truly are none of their business. Further, I show them they won't get more information than "That's none of your business." Also, it gives their curiosity a dead end before they use it to probe further.
When I know I'm in safe environments, I'm free to be myself completely. But what if I go to a movie theatre, shopping center, park, or restaurant? So many couples show that they're someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife by simply holding hands in public. It's a strong, common social statement. Some go as far as to share a kiss among passers-by. Even if any of those straight couples are teachers like me, if they're spotted by a student, the student's reaction may be something like:
Student: Oh, there's my teacher! Hi! *waves*
Teacher: Hi there! *waves back*
But what if that teacher is me? Frank and I could be at the mall, and I may want to hold his hand. Harmless, right? What if a student was to see me holding him? When kids see their teacher in public somewhere outside school, the next day, they'll tell the teacher: "I saw you at [insert location here]!"
One night, around 8 or 9 pm, I went to Best Buy with Frank. It was a school night. Inside, I spotted one of my first grade students. I wasn't seen. The next morning, a 5th grader approached me:
Student: I saw you last night.
Me: Where? At the grocery store? (I had been there after leaving school that day.)
Student: No, at Best Buy.
Me: Oh, yes, I was there.
The scary part is that I never saw that student...but they saw me. Had I let myself be uninhibited that evening, that conversation wouldn't have ended there:
Student: You were holding another guy's hand!
How do I get out of that without lying?
Worst case scenario is that one of my students has the type of parents that are ignorant enough to think that if their child's teacher is gay, it may influence their child to be gay too, and then because there is no employment protection for gay people in Texas, I could lose my job since Texas is also an "at will" state. I realize I could be overreacting, but I don't want to risk it either.
Despite whatever sacrifice I, and other gay teachers may have to make in public to keep our income uninterrupted to pay bills, what upsets me more is a great hypocrisy in this country:
We teach children to "be yourself." There should be no asterisk (*) after that statement with fine print to read where "Some restrictions apply". When we add those restrictions, we place conditions on our love for our children. And our children are our future.
Kids learn differently, and schools, by law, accommodate them. Gay people love differently, and the workplace, by law, should accommodate us.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
It takes someone special...
...to know and love you so completely that he/she:
- voices your exact thoughts before you do.
- understands your mind and thinking so fluently to accurately predict your next thought, statement, or action.
- can give you an honest and direct reality check in such a way that it doesn't hurt your feelings, but instead makes you immensely grateful that you're hearing what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
- loves you no matter how your quirks might irritate him/her.
- pushes you to be a better you, if you're the type with a tendency to be dependent on others' help due to a lack of self-confidence.
- celebrates all your virtues, and accepts all your flaws.
- knows just what to say or do to make you feel better.
- with just one gesture or statement, can instantly fill you with joy and peace.
- sees you for who you really are, and loves it all unconditionally.
- knows how to explain anything to you better than anyone else can.
- can make you laugh at yourself without ever hurting your feelings.
Friday, November 18, 2011
My spending fast...one month left
Back in fall of 2010, the Public Relations officer from Randolph-Brooks Federal Credit Union (@rbfcu) tweeted about a woman who made a New Years Resolution to go on a spending fast, in which she wouldn't spend any money at all on wants...just needs. The goal was to reduce consumer debt. Her plan, despite all her apparent withdrawal and consumerist sacrifice (no paid social outings like going out to eat, or the movies), she either made a big dent in paying off her debt, or she eliminated big chunks of it. Since at the time I read the story about this woman, I had no idea what my NYR should be, I realized I should do the same thing.
Normally, I might make a NYR, but how many of us actually hold ourselves to it each year? I mean, really. Let's be honest. Do you make a NYR, only to give up on it a couple months later? Knowing this, I decided to do it, and made a conscious daily choice to not spend on anything I wanted...only what I needed. Easily simplified, it meant, after paying all my monthly bills that my teacher paycheck pays, (mortgage, car, student loan, cell phone, credit cards), I only had a few hundred per month for "gas and groceries" and professional expenses...or so I thought.
At first making this NYR, I felt relatively comfortable doing it. But I didn't think about all the "uh-ohs" that come with life, like car maintenance, and new tires if you get a nail in your tire, and doctor visits, and medical prescriptions. I was so short-sighted to think that after paying all bills, "gas and groceries" was all that would be left. As each "uh-oh" event came (and they did), if I didn't have enough cash from my paycheck, I'd be forced to use my credit cards. Since my credit card debt has been on a steady incline in the past few years, this NYR was particularly designed to keep me from adding to it.
-NO impulse spending
-NO stupid justifications for any unnecessary purchases
-NO movie or restaurant outings unless someone else paid
-Want the DVD? Wait for it to be available on Netflix
-Want a new single, soundtrack, or album? Ask for iTunes gift cards for your birthday or Christmas. (I teach music for a living, so this was ESPECIALLY difficult!)
The only eating out I allowed myself was usually fast food when I needed to eat, and didn't have enough time to go home and eat. That was justifiable.
So where do I stand now? I've almost made it through November with one month left to go. In retrospect, I can say this: My fast hasn't been perfect. It could've been better. There are plenty of things I've wanted to buy and didn't. I've fought many moments of seeing something online or in-store that I wanted, and thinking, Fuck it. I'll just charge it, and resisted the urge.
Like I said earlier, it was my goal/hope that I'd pay off a good chunk of my credit card debt through this NYR. Well, because of life, that didn't happen. Instead, my credit card debt increased. Why? A few factors could be to blame:
-I should've driven around less. That would've saved gas, giving me more cash to use per month to refrain from using credit cards.
-I gave to charities - granted, not much - thinking that despite my intention to reduce debt, I'd receive some sort of Good Samaritan blessing from God for giving even when I didn't have anything to give. Though the effect this could've had on my debt is undoubtedly minimal, I know it played a role, but I don't regret doing it either.
-I could've gotten a summer job teaching music at one of those after-school academies, and though I had the opportunity, I was lazy and let it pass me by. The extra income would've reduced the amount I charged for necessities during the summer, and would've made the summer a LOT more financially bearable.
Over the past 7 months, or so, I had some credit card adventures, too. And by that, I mean taking advantage of certain offers or promotions a card offered to help save money. I consider it an adventure because I had never done balance transfers before. First time for everything, right?
I have 4 credit cards (from lowest limit to highest):
-Chase MC (lowest limit, with a 12% APR, with points rewards)
-AMEX (9.9% APR, with cash back rewards for Costco)
-Discover (14% APR, with points rewards)
-Citi MC (16.99% APR, with cash back rewards)
The AMEX is a joint account with my partner. I don't pay on that one, he does.
As for the others, let me break it down as to what happened in these "adventures".
-At the start of the fast, my Disc and Chase had BIG balances, and my Citi, with a LARGE limit, was clean. I hated paying 2 credit card bills each month, so I checked Citi to see if there was a balance transfer promotion. There was.
-I transferred my Disc and Chase balances to Citi with a promotion that gave me 0% APR until March of 2012. And I'd still have plenty of room to charge if necessary (i.e., when my cash ran out, and I needed things). Well, over the next few months, plenty of "life happens" events took place requiring me to charge, and my Citi balance sky rocketed to where I was closer to my limit than I wanted to be. (I also was okay with using the Citi because I knew that even though I was increasing my debt, I'd earn a cash back check eventually...and I did; a whopping $50.) Damn, I wish there was a font for sarcasm!
-Knowing I needed "space" on my Citi, I looked at my Disc again (as it had the 2nd highest limit of all my cards), and lo and behold, they had a balance transfer option too, until March (or April) 2012.
-So, I took a big chunk of the balance from Citi, and put it back on the Disc, which left me more room on my Citi to continue charging when necessary. For a few months, I was able to not charge on my Disc at all. But my Citi balance continued to increase to where I needed to stop charging there, and start charging on Disc instead. Why? When I've paid my statements this year, I've really only paid the minimum payment because that way, I could satisfy my card agreement, and still have cash to use. The more I paid off, the less cash I had to make it through the month, which would force me to charge on the card even sooner, thereby essentially canceling out whatever extra I paid on the card.
-Since I had two monster balances on my Citi and Disc, I looked to my favorite financial institution, RBFCU, and learned about their credit card and balance transfer options. So, I thought, I'll apply and transfer everything to that card since they're such a bad-ass-awesome institution, and I'm tired of dealing with big banks. Well, I applied, and though my credit is okay, I have too many financial obligations to take on a 3rd balance transfer of the amount I needed. So, I'm stuck paying 2 cards for a little while.
So here's my plan for the rest of the year:
1. Keep the fast going and charge on Disc as that has more room than the Citi does through the end of the year.
2. Once I get my tax statements (either Dec. or Jan.) and get my IRS refund in January (yes, I file QUICKLY), I'll use a large chunk of it to pay down my car, unless I can pay it off (it's final payment is supposed to be June 2012).
3. Once the car is paid off, use that money to pay the cards, or by then reapply for the RBFCU cards I was initially declined. By then, I'll have one less bill to pay per month.
We'll see how this plan works.
Normally, I might make a NYR, but how many of us actually hold ourselves to it each year? I mean, really. Let's be honest. Do you make a NYR, only to give up on it a couple months later? Knowing this, I decided to do it, and made a conscious daily choice to not spend on anything I wanted...only what I needed. Easily simplified, it meant, after paying all my monthly bills that my teacher paycheck pays, (mortgage, car, student loan, cell phone, credit cards), I only had a few hundred per month for "gas and groceries" and professional expenses...or so I thought.
At first making this NYR, I felt relatively comfortable doing it. But I didn't think about all the "uh-ohs" that come with life, like car maintenance, and new tires if you get a nail in your tire, and doctor visits, and medical prescriptions. I was so short-sighted to think that after paying all bills, "gas and groceries" was all that would be left. As each "uh-oh" event came (and they did), if I didn't have enough cash from my paycheck, I'd be forced to use my credit cards. Since my credit card debt has been on a steady incline in the past few years, this NYR was particularly designed to keep me from adding to it.
-NO impulse spending
-NO stupid justifications for any unnecessary purchases
-NO movie or restaurant outings unless someone else paid
-Want the DVD? Wait for it to be available on Netflix
-Want a new single, soundtrack, or album? Ask for iTunes gift cards for your birthday or Christmas. (I teach music for a living, so this was ESPECIALLY difficult!)
The only eating out I allowed myself was usually fast food when I needed to eat, and didn't have enough time to go home and eat. That was justifiable.
So where do I stand now? I've almost made it through November with one month left to go. In retrospect, I can say this: My fast hasn't been perfect. It could've been better. There are plenty of things I've wanted to buy and didn't. I've fought many moments of seeing something online or in-store that I wanted, and thinking, Fuck it. I'll just charge it, and resisted the urge.
Like I said earlier, it was my goal/hope that I'd pay off a good chunk of my credit card debt through this NYR. Well, because of life, that didn't happen. Instead, my credit card debt increased. Why? A few factors could be to blame:
-I should've driven around less. That would've saved gas, giving me more cash to use per month to refrain from using credit cards.
-I gave to charities - granted, not much - thinking that despite my intention to reduce debt, I'd receive some sort of Good Samaritan blessing from God for giving even when I didn't have anything to give. Though the effect this could've had on my debt is undoubtedly minimal, I know it played a role, but I don't regret doing it either.
-I could've gotten a summer job teaching music at one of those after-school academies, and though I had the opportunity, I was lazy and let it pass me by. The extra income would've reduced the amount I charged for necessities during the summer, and would've made the summer a LOT more financially bearable.
Over the past 7 months, or so, I had some credit card adventures, too. And by that, I mean taking advantage of certain offers or promotions a card offered to help save money. I consider it an adventure because I had never done balance transfers before. First time for everything, right?
I have 4 credit cards (from lowest limit to highest):
-Chase MC (lowest limit, with a 12% APR, with points rewards)
-AMEX (9.9% APR, with cash back rewards for Costco)
-Discover (14% APR, with points rewards)
-Citi MC (16.99% APR, with cash back rewards)
The AMEX is a joint account with my partner. I don't pay on that one, he does.
As for the others, let me break it down as to what happened in these "adventures".
-At the start of the fast, my Disc and Chase had BIG balances, and my Citi, with a LARGE limit, was clean. I hated paying 2 credit card bills each month, so I checked Citi to see if there was a balance transfer promotion. There was.
-I transferred my Disc and Chase balances to Citi with a promotion that gave me 0% APR until March of 2012. And I'd still have plenty of room to charge if necessary (i.e., when my cash ran out, and I needed things). Well, over the next few months, plenty of "life happens" events took place requiring me to charge, and my Citi balance sky rocketed to where I was closer to my limit than I wanted to be. (I also was okay with using the Citi because I knew that even though I was increasing my debt, I'd earn a cash back check eventually...and I did; a whopping $50.) Damn, I wish there was a font for sarcasm!
-Knowing I needed "space" on my Citi, I looked at my Disc again (as it had the 2nd highest limit of all my cards), and lo and behold, they had a balance transfer option too, until March (or April) 2012.
-So, I took a big chunk of the balance from Citi, and put it back on the Disc, which left me more room on my Citi to continue charging when necessary. For a few months, I was able to not charge on my Disc at all. But my Citi balance continued to increase to where I needed to stop charging there, and start charging on Disc instead. Why? When I've paid my statements this year, I've really only paid the minimum payment because that way, I could satisfy my card agreement, and still have cash to use. The more I paid off, the less cash I had to make it through the month, which would force me to charge on the card even sooner, thereby essentially canceling out whatever extra I paid on the card.
-Since I had two monster balances on my Citi and Disc, I looked to my favorite financial institution, RBFCU, and learned about their credit card and balance transfer options. So, I thought, I'll apply and transfer everything to that card since they're such a bad-ass-awesome institution, and I'm tired of dealing with big banks. Well, I applied, and though my credit is okay, I have too many financial obligations to take on a 3rd balance transfer of the amount I needed. So, I'm stuck paying 2 cards for a little while.
So here's my plan for the rest of the year:
1. Keep the fast going and charge on Disc as that has more room than the Citi does through the end of the year.
2. Once I get my tax statements (either Dec. or Jan.) and get my IRS refund in January (yes, I file QUICKLY), I'll use a large chunk of it to pay down my car, unless I can pay it off (it's final payment is supposed to be June 2012).
3. Once the car is paid off, use that money to pay the cards, or by then reapply for the RBFCU cards I was initially declined. By then, I'll have one less bill to pay per month.
We'll see how this plan works.
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